


Behind the glass, stumble and fall

by day_dream_girl



Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: Affairs, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety, Drinking to Cope, Excessive Drinking, F/M, Friendship, Gay Panic, M/M, Non-Graphic Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-15
Updated: 2019-12-24
Packaged: 2020-06-28 17:51:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 37
Words: 62,695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19817434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/day_dream_girl/pseuds/day_dream_girl
Summary: He hasn't seen Ben since the morning he found out what his brother did to him. It's getting closer to the wedding and Callum is just trying to keep it all together.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: All publicly recognisable characters and places are the property of producers and creators of Eastendeers and the BBC . This piece of fan fiction was created for entertainment not monetary purposes and no infringement on copyrights or trademarks was intended. Previously unrecognised characters and places, and this story, are copyrighted to the author. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.
> 
> Once again, this isn't beta'd so any mistakes are all mine! Something about these two just makes me want to write for them, so I decided to just go with the flow :)

“You all right, Halfway?” Shirley’s sharp eyes shake him from his thoughts and he gives her a startled half smile as she hands him back his change.

“Fine, Shirl. Thanks,” he takes his half away to the corner table, away from anyone’s perceptive gaze.

His eyes scan the bar, not looking for anyone in particular, just looking. He deflates a little when he doesn’t see.... Callum closes his eyes, willing himself to get a grip, and takes a gulp from the glass in front of him.

It’s less than six weeks to the wedding and everything’s....fine. _Everything’s fine_. He repeats it like a mantra on a daily basis, if not hourly.

Whit’s excited, asking him to help her pick out flowers and cake flavours. He’s lost, not knowing the difference between a peony and a rose, or why Whit’s getting stressed over whether to have traditional fruit cake or ‘heavenly’ chocolate. His bafflement seems to amuse her, and lately he’s felt more like a puppy receiving his master’s approval when her lips twitch up and she gazes at him with fondness and affection.

He tries to keep those thoughts at bay. Whit’s a great girl, and he’s lucky to have her. What does it matter how she looks at him? She chose _him_ over anyone else. He needs to ignore that feeling of ‘not right’ and get on with it.

The flash of a black leather jacket and a swaggering walk, out of the corner of his eye, has his heart racing and a hopeful look on his face, only to be let down when the man is question leans in to kiss a girl at the bar. He curses himself for feeling disappointed, and digs the nails of his right hand over his left, feeling the sharp, grounding sting of pain, but not enough to draw blood.

He hasn’t laid eyes on Ben since that morning in the square. When he’d looked so hurt and Callum had felt an uncomfortable jerk behind his ribs. He’s still horrified and guilt ridden that his own brother had hurt Ben like that.

He feels under surveillance with Stuart watching him all the time, like he’s some sort of criminal. He feels suffocated and angry. As much as he wants to mend things with his brother, it feels like Ben is always standing between them. He’s sure he can see it in his eyes, _that_ look. Like he’s constantly wondering how Callum could let someone like Ben sway him like that, get him to try out the ‘dark side.’ That disgusted, horrified and scared look, like he needs to protect his baby brother from the devil himself.

Stuart is always scouting the area whenever they meet up, doesn’t matter where it is, the flat, the pub, the caf. It’s like a reflex, a compulsion, to see if he can glimpse him; then smiling satisfactorily when there’s no sign of the brash, young Mitchell. Sometimes Callum just wants to scream and yell at him, wiping that self-righteous look off his face.

He hadn’t realised that Stuart’s brand of problem solving would actually work though; that Ben would just disappear from his life. This is what he’d wanted originally, he reminds himself. Ben, gone.

It doesn’t _feel_ right though; not having Ben around, no secret smirks or winks. He didn’t realise how much he kind of liked it, being the centre of Ben’s attention. Despite the nerves and butterflies whenever he was around; afraid someone would see something, or hear the truth in Ben’s crude innuendos and puns. Feeling terrified that someone would realise how much he struggles not to keep staring at Ben whenever he’s near.

If he's being honest, he’s a bit worried about the car salesman. He’s respecting Ben’s decision to stay away, but Jay’s made a few comments this week that caused a seed of concern to take root in the back of his mind. He tries not to think about it, but he knows he’s been distracted. Distracted at work and at home.

He’s worried Whitney suspects something’s not right as well. He nearly jumped out of his skin last night when she came up behind him and trailed a teasing hand down his back. He pulled away quickly, mumbling apologetically about being too tired and heading to the bed. Sometimes he sees an uneasiness about her, a furrow in her brow and a concerned look in her eye. More than once she’s complained about his lack of interest and excitement in the wedding.

Truth is, he doesn’t really understand what the big deal is. Who cares if they have beef or lamb for dinner? Nobody’s going to remember in a year’s time. People get married every day. He’d be happy if it was just the two of them, on their own.

Quick and simple, no one else around, no need to think like he has to look a certain way, feel a certain way; like he has to put on a show in case anyone doubts how happy he is to have Whit in his life. Then they could just get on with their lives, the two of them living in the flat, everything the same.

That’s what he’s looking forward to the most. To the wedding being over and things settling down again. Everything will be better then. Everything will be fine.

Everything _is_ fine, he reminds himself.


	2. Chapter 2

He’s hammered. 

It’s the middle of the day and Ben’s barely able to stagger through the garden. His eyes meet Callum’s and he snarls, rushing forward as if to grab the front of his jacket. Instead, he stumbles and lands heavily against Callum’s chest, the glass bottle digging into his sternum.

Callum’s arms automatically close around him to steady him, concern racing through him, especially when he hears a broken sob come from the man in his arms.

“Ben,” he says quietly, wisps of brown hair getting caught on his bottom lip.

“No,” he hears growled against his chest, before he’s pushed forcefully away. He lurches backwards, worried, as Ben sways in front of him.

Callum can finally take him in. It’s been over a week since he last saw him, and a spark of something he can’t name lights up inside him. 

A week since Ben told him he was more hassle than he was worth, he reminds himself sternly. 

That week hasn’t been kind to Ben. Callum can’t help the spike of anxiousness that races down his spine when he sees him up close. The bags under his eyes tell of sleepless nights, eyes red rimmed and bloodshot, and stubble a little too untidy. The bottle in his hand is more than half empty, and his clothes hang rumpled and creased, like he’s slept in them for days on end.

His wavering finger is pointing at Callum’s chest threateningly, his mouth a hard line as he glares at the taller man.

“No,” he chokes out, “I don’t need you!”

Callum approaches him, like he would a wild animal, arms outstretched in a placating gesture; taking small, purposeful steps.

“How bout we get ya home, eh Ben?”

“Home? What home?” he laughs hollowly, and Callum feels an answering pang in his chest. “The one with my pompous prick of a brother, who thinks I go out looking to get the shit kicked out of me? No thanks,” he takes another swig from the bottle.

Callum doesn’t comment and, instead, takes the opportunity to steady him with an arm planted firmly around him. He leads him towards his own flat, hoping Ben will be more open to going there.

“Where ya takin me?” Ben slurs, voice still hard but letting Callum lead the way.

“Flat.”

“Don’t think your missus will ‘ppreciate that,” he snorts, nearly pulling Callum down with him when he trips over his own feet. The glass shatters at their feet and Ben groans as its contents roll slowly down the street. 

“She’s gone with Tiff to visit her Mum for a few days.”

He waits for the smart comment, the cheeky insinuation, but it doesn’t come. He glances at Ben, but all he sees is a mouth twisted in bitterness, and bloodshot eyes staring through him.

“Come on,” he says, and Ben doesn’t argue as he tries to guide him up the steps. 

By the time they’re half way up the stairs, Ben is practically a dead weight and Callum finds himself crushed against the wall, trying desperately to keep them balanced.

“Oi, what’s all the commotion?” Jay’s head appears over Ben’s shoulder, below them, and Callum feels himself sigh in relief.

“Give me a hand, will ya?”

Ben mumbles something unintelligible, and Callum’s convinced he hasn’t a clue what’s happening.

“Christ,” Jay mutters, wrapping Ben’s other arm around his neck and hoisting him up. Somehow, the three of them manage to stumble into the flat, out of breath, but still all in one piece.

Ben’s barely landed on the couch before he passes out. 

The two of them stand over him, staring down at him, Jay rubbing his forehead furiously. 

“I met him in the garden, he could hardly walk,” Callum explains. “I had to bring him back to the flat, he didn’t want to go home and I couldn’t leave him like that.”

“Right,” he can hear the resignation in Jay’s voice, “listen mate, Ben ain’t your problem. D’you want me to get him outta here?”  
“No!” Callum answers quickly, and curses himself internally. “No, I mean, he’s already passed out, don’t think it’d do much good to try and wake him now. Probably best to let him sleep it off.”

“Yeah, you’re probably right.” Jay’s shoulders slump, a sad look on his face. 

Callum hesitates for a moment, knowing he shouldn’t ask, but not able to help himself. “Hey, Jay, is something wrong? With Ben, I mean. I know he likes a drink but this... I ain’t ever seen him like this.”

He can practically hear Jay’s brain ticking over, lips pressed tightly together and Callum shakes his head, “sorry, that’s, that’s none of my business. I didn’t mean to-”

“No, you’re all right. It’s just, it’s the anniversary of Paul’s death,” Jay finally admits, and Callum feels his chest constrict as he looks down at Ben lying on the couch. “I know Ben acts like the hard man all the time, but Paul was special. Think Ben really loved him; this time of year is always tough. But, he seems to be finding it particularly hard this year. Guess grief does strange things to people, eh?”

“Yeah,” Callum agrees, throat dry. “I don’t think we should leave him alone. What if he, I dunno, gets sick and chokes to death? Or tries to leave and breaks his neck down the stairs?” Callum trails off and Jay looks at him curiously. 

Callum feels his face heat under the watchful eye of his boss, until Jay gives him a lopsided smile. “You’re a good one, Halfway, I’ll give you that. Yeah,” he looks back at his best friend on the couch, “why don’t you stay here with him? It’s your flat after all.”

“Ok. Thanks, Jay.”

“I’m the one who should be thanking you,” he states, before shaking his head suddenly. “Actually, _he’s_ the one who should be thanking you. He owes you one. I’ll be having words with him later.”

“Nah,” Callum says, “think he’ll suffer enough once that hangover hits.”

Jay chuckles, “yeah, maybe,” he answers vaguely, “I’ll be downstairs. Call if you need me, I know he can be a handful sometimes. See you later, mate.” 

He leaves and Callum suddenly finds himself alone with Ben and unsure what to do.

He doesn’t know how long he spends standing there, staring at Ben. He can’t help it, he feels like he’s been presented with an oasis after dying of thirst in an arid desert. He’s more than willing to drink his fill of him. Even if there’s a wave of panic threatening to grow and consume him. 

There’s a niggling voice at the back of his head saying that he shouldn’t have brought him here. Irrationally, he has a sudden vision of Stuart and Whitney coming through the door at any minute, matching looks of horror and betrayal. 

He shakes his head, and rubs his hands down his face. _Stop it_ , he tells himself, angry and frustrated with these constantly warring parts of his brain. _There’s nothing for them to know._

He’s helping a mate, that’s all. Least he can do after everything Ben has gone through because of him. He doesn’t blame him for avoiding him. Hell, if Ben had put Callum through half of what he’d done to Ben, he’d hate his guts.

Truthfully, it doesn’t seem likes that’s too far from what Ben’s feeling, if his sad attempt to rough him up is anything to go by. Callum feels the clench beneath his rib cage at that thought, but he’s determined to change it. 

Ben’s his friend, and he’s suffering. He winces internally at the word friend, but he doesn’t stop to think about it. He’s going to be there for Ben, to do whatever he can for him. He can make this better, he can. 

It’s the least he can do.


	3. Chapter 3

His head is banging, pain radiating outwards and he groans, rolling his head against the arm of a couch and blinking his eyes blearily open. 

“Here, get that down ya,” a voice tells him, thrusting a glass in front of his face. It sounds like a fog horn blown beside his ear, and he shudders visibly.

His eyes are still adjusting to the light and pounding headache, but the groan he lets out isn’t due to the physical pain, but because he recognises that voice. Even though he can’t see properly, he’d know that fuzzy silhouette anywhere. This can’t be happening.

“Why am I here?” his voice sounds like he’s swallowed razor blades and he squeezes his eyes tightly shut again, covering his face with an arm. How much had he actually drank?

“Brought you back after I found ya in the garden. You didn’t want to go back home, so I brought ya here instead.”

Slowly, Ben opens his eyes and peeks over his arm. Purple walls and boards with seating plans stare back at him. He feels a cold shiver run down his spine. Ben begins to shake his head, but immediately gives up when the pain in his head ramps up.

“Go on,” Callum urges, “take these tablets. They should help.”

Ben takes the glass and aspirin from Callum’s outstretched hand and slowly pushes himself up to a sitting position. He downs the tablets and water in record time. “Well, ain’t you a regular Florence Nightingale. Bet those legs would look good in a nurse’s uniform.”

Ben’s tone is mocking and Callum blushes, looking like a frozen, startled rabbit, just standing there; eyes wide and muscles tensed, as if ready to flee at any second.

Ben looks away disappointed, eyes searching for his leather jacket that seems to have disappeared. “Don’t worry. I ain’t hanging around. Oh, and since you were the one to bring me up here, no need to set your brother on me again, yeah?”

He stands up, ignoring the screaming pain roaring through his head. Callum looks like a goldfish, mouth open and eyes somehow even wider than they were a moment ago.

“Ben, I , I never asked him to-”

“To what? Rough me up? Get rid of me?” he moves closer to Callum, he’s so over this, the boy doesn’t get it.

“Don’t matter if I disappear, Callum. All that going on up there,” he taps Callum’s temple, his voice void and blank, “it won’t go away. Can’t change who you are. Trust me, I’ve tried.”

“Ben, I-I promise you, I didn’t have anything to do with Stuart hurting ya,” he looks determined and desperate in equal measures. 

“Oh yeah?” Ben can feel the anger rising again, twisting his face into something ugly, “then why’d you text me then, hey?”

Callum stares at him, “text ya?” he repeats dumbly.

“Yeah, why else would I be in the Arches on Pride? _We need to talk_ ,” he sing songs, then laughs bitterly. “Joke was on me though, when your cue ball headed brother came walking through the door.”

“Ben, I never. I never texted ya. I promise. He musta, he musta taken my phone at the club.”

He looks so sincere, so honest and devastated. Ben hates that he instantly believes him. Never really doubted him to be honest, but still feels relief surge through him at his fierce denial. He shrugs, spying his jacket behind the door and grabbing it.

“Don’t matter anyway,” he tells him, “I don’t need this. Seems like anytime I try to help ya, I end up with another doctor’s bill.”

Callum looks upset, and Ben hates that it eats him up inside that he made him look like that. He shakes his head again, relishing in the pain this time. “I don’t need this,” he repeats heatedly through clenched teeth, “don’t need some closet case who can’t-” he snaps his jaw closed in frustration. That voice in his head not so quietly reminding him he was once a ‘closet case.’

“Ben, let me help ya,” Callum pleads, his voice shaking, but with a resolute look on his face. He reaches towards Ben but he flinches back, choking out a laugh.

“Help me? And how ya going to do that? Can you turn back the clock, change what happened?”

Callum looks away and shakes his head minutely, “I’m sorry, Ben.”

“Don’t, just . Stop apologising,” Ben tells him, “I hate when ya do that. Always apologising, when it ain’t even your fault! I don’t need your help, Callum. I don’t!” He needs to get out, to escape this too small flat filled with Callum everywhere. “You’d be better off saving it for yourself mate. Cos, you’re gonna need it.”

Ben feels the cool door handle in his palm and twists it roughly. “Good luck with the wedding plans,” he calls over his shoulder, slamming the door behind him, the sound reverberating through his head. He doesn’t need this, he repeats in his head on a loop. He _doesn’t_ need Callum Highway.


	4. Chapter 4

Ben takes a final gulp of the whiskey from the tumbler and turns it around in his clenched hands. His eyes keep returning to the two blokes across the club. One of them catches his eye then whispers to other one beside him, both of them breaking into laughter.

Ben glares at them, and then orders another one.

“What you up to then?” he feels a hand clamp down on his shoulder and looks up at his best friend’s face.

“What’s it look like?” he replies, “just enjoying a quiet drink and checking out the locals.”

Jay glances over at the two men, “yeah, I don’t think you’re their type, brother.”

Ben hums, and thanks the barman with a wink when he places his drink in front of him.

“Why you doing this?” Jay asks him and Ben sighs.

“Told ya, just enjoying a drink. Not against the law is it?” 

Jay pushes back, “you’re going off the rails, Ben. I know you’re finding it hard, with Paul’s anni-”

“Shut up!” Ben tells him harshly, “you don’t know nothing.”

Jay stares at him for a few moments but Ben’s gaze remains resolutely on the glass before him.

“I _know_ you’re making a fool outta yourself. I _know_ you’re drinking too much, pissing your Dad off, and apparently looking for a fight.” He pointedly looks towards the two men looking snidely back at the two of them.

“Well, sounds like that’s not someone you’d want to be hanging around with, Jay. So, maybe you should just toddle off on home,” Ben’s smile is cold and vacant.

Jay shakes his head, “you ended up passed out on Callum’s couch.”

“Yeah, well, that was his choice, wasn’t it? Didn’t need to take me back to his.”

“Oh yeah,” Jay snorts, “cos Callum’s going to leave you to crack your head open in the middle of the square.”

“None of his business what I do,” Ben replies bitterly.

“What you talking about? He’s your mate, despite selling him a dodgy van and winding him up constantly.”

“Who are you, his agent?” Ben doesn’t want to think about Callum, about his sad, earnest face when he’d left him at the flat. He doesn’t have time for that. There’s already too much going on in his life. What good would it do anyway? Ben would try to help and he’d just end up making it worse. Like he always does. 

“Don’t be stupid,” Jay sighs. “My point is, you could widen your circle of friends a bit. Callum did you a favour, didn’t even want to leave you on your own in the flat in case you weren’t well.”

Ben’s eyes narrow at him, “What are you getting at?”

Jay opens his mouth to say something, but then just shakes it. “Nothing. Nothing, but Callum seems to...care about you, Ben. I don’t know what’s going on with you two, but he’s been asking after you all week and you’ve clearly been avoiding him.”

Ben licks his lips, “think you’re imagining things Jay. Why the hell would I avoid Callum Highway,” he tries to laugh it off, like the idea is ridiculous, but he can hear how strangled his voice is and takes a drink instead. 

Jay’s gaze doesn’t waver. “He did ya a favour, can’t imagine your Dad woulda been too happy if he’d been the one to find ya. So maybe, it wouldn’t hurt to thank him and be a bit nicer to him. He’s a good bloke, Ben.”

Ben scoffs. “You don’t know what you’re talking about mate. I been plenty nice to him,” he downs the rest of the whiskey in one gulp, relishing the burn down the back of his throat. “Never gets me anywhere.”

Jay frowns, looking like he’s trying to work out a puzzle. Ben avoids his gaze and stares across at the two men; one makes kissy faces at him while the other sneers in disgust at him. They’re really starting to get under his skin. He can feel the itch crawling up his arms, he’d love to wipe the smug, rancid looks off both their faces. He winks at them, and smirks seeing them shift uneasily in their seats. As if, with one small gesture, Ben has somehow irreparably damaged their masculinity.

“I’m not going to get anywhere with you, am I?” 

“Sorry, Jay,” Ben grins at him, “not today.” He slams the glass on the bar counter and heads for the gents.

Jay’s gone when it gets back, but the two blokes are still there, still sneering at him. He decides to do something about it.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't write about Ben getting beat up again, so I just jumped right over that part. I'll leave it to your imagination!

There’s banging, loud and obnoxious on the door, and bleary-eyed Callum hurries to open it before they manage to break it down.

“Ben?” Callum’s shocked at the slumped form in front of him. He reaches out to grab him by the shoulders; sure he’s drunk again, until Ben looks up at him. His face is swollen and bleeding and Callum stares at him wide eyed and horrified. “Christ, Ben.”

He leans the shorter man against his shoulder and brings him to the bathroom. This is becoming a habit he muses as he sets him down on the closed toilet seat. Ben’s gaze is a little unfocused and Callum’s not sure whether that’s the result of alcohol or concussion.

“Let me have a look at ya,” he tilts Ben’s head up, cradling it in his large hands. His stubble crinkles against his palm and Callum winces at the mess of red over his face. Some of the blood has already started to dry and flakes off when he brushes his fingers against it. 

“Yeah, ya like looking at me, don’t ya Callum?” Ben's speech is a little slurred as he grins lazily up at Callum. Callum can’t pretend he’s not a little relieved that he's still able to be a cocky bastard.

“Like it even more when you’re not covered in blood,” he quips back, shocking the man sitting in front of him.

“Did you just make a joke?” Ben stares at him with glassy eyes, “about checking me out?”

Callum colours, and looks around for the first aid kit. He rummages through the cupboard under the sink, calling out over his shoulder. “Take that jacket off, will ya?”

He quickly feels the weight of it being thrown on his back and he grabs it, casting it off behind him.

Callum sucks in a breath when he looks back at Ben. His face is puffy and red, blood streaming sluggishly from a cut near his hairline and the side of his face and neck are mottled reds and purples, disappearing beneath his shirt.

“Think I should get you to the hospital, Ben.”

“No,” Ben is adamant, “no 'ospital.”

“I dunno,” Callum hesitates, frowning as his eyes travel around his face. “That cut looks nasty, might need stitches. And you could have a concussion or internal injuries I can’t see.” Callum bites his lips and Ben’s captivated by it.

“Worried about me, are ya?”

“Yes,” Callum meets his eyes, “I am. I don’t like seeing you like this.”

Ben looks away, grin fading, as Callum starts washing away some of the blood, wincing every so often when he reaches a tender spot.

“Who did this to ya?” Callum tries not to let his voice shake, but he’s upset and angry. Angry at whoever thought they could put their hands on Ben, angry at Ben for putting himself into a situation where he could get hurt, and angry at himself for not being there to help him when he needed it. As irrational as that thought is. 

Ben shrugs, “just some blokes who were acting the tough guys at the club. Pissed me off with their sneering.”

Callum stills, staring at a spot above Ben’s eyebrows when a sudden thought has his heart stopping and a sickening dread rolling in his stomach. “You sure? I-it wasn’t...” he trails off and swallows hard.

Ben glances at him briefly, meeting his eyes, immediately knowing what he’s thinking. “Weren’t your brother if that’s what you’re thinking. Nothing for you to feel guilty about.”

“That’s not why I was asking,” Callum chastises him, suddenly propelled into motion again. Needing to erase as much of the pain and injuries inflicted on Ben as quickly as possible. He places a bandage carefully over the cut near his hairline gently, thankful that it didn’t need stitches.

“Where’s Whit? Bet she’s better with a needle than you.”

“Shut up. Told you yesterday. She’s gone with Tiff to her Mum’s. Won’t be back til Monday.”

“Oh, so that’s why I’m still here. No need to worry about the little woman finding you with your dirty little secret.” He smirks at Callum. “Makes sense now.”

“Y’ain’t,” Callum shakes his head, clearing off the last of the blood he can. “Y’ain’t dirty.”

Ben’s smirk disappears, and he suddenly looks incredibly young and vulnerable, before his face closes off. “I think you’d be in a minority of one there, Mr Highway. Maybe two, if I catch Jay on a good day.”

“That’s not true.”

“Oh yeah? D’you think all those people out there don’t think I’m dirt? That I’m not some cheap, cocky, floozy, ripping people off and mouthing off to get attention?” he spits out venomously. “But I’m w-worse than that. I’m not a good person, Callum. I’ve blood on my hands.” His voice catches, “Paul’s blood.”

Callum can’t take his eyes off him, off the pain and hurt pouring out of Ben. Ben’s falling apart in front of him, shoulders shaking and head hanging down low, obscuring his face from Callum.

“I miss him so much,” he admits. “I’m so lonely without him. I think I’m doing ok and then...then it’s like it’s the same thing all over again. He was the only person in my life who actually loved me just for me. Y’know? Not cause he had to neither. He _chose_ to love me.”

Callum cups his cheek, wiping a tear away as he raises Ben’s face up. Ben closes his eyes, looking exhausted and spent.

“Paul was the best person I’d ever met. I r-ruined him, Callum.” He tries to swallow past the tight lump in his throat, but he can’t, can’t push past that fiery, painful, constricting feeling, forcing his words to stay clogged in his throat.

Callum’s other hand tentatively reaches forward and runs his fingers through the short, mahogany hair, surprisingly soft as it brushes past his fingertips. He pulls Ben towards him awkwardly, letting him cry into the crook of his neck, feeling his skin soak up the evidence of Ben’s fragility.

“If I hadn’t been so mouthy, why couldn’t I just ignore it?” Ben eventually says angrily. “But I couldn’t do it, had to run my mouth and Paul paid the price for it. They killed him Callum, because of _me._ ”

“It wasn’t your fault,” Callum tries to reassure him, confidently; “it was them, Ben. It ain’t on you. Ya gotta stop doing this to yourself.”

Ben moves his head back, eyes still wet and swollen. His face wavers in front of Callum. He tilts his head and studies Callum intently. “Jay said you care,” he says quietly, “about me.”

Callum swallows audibly and nervously drops his gaze before looking back at Ben. “Of course I care about ya. We’re mates.”

“Mates,” Ben repeats. He closes his eyes and moves back, and Callum immediately misses the warmth he didn’t realise was radiating from the bruised man. “Yeah, can we be mates, Callum?”

“Course we can,” Callum stands up and holds out his hand. Ben looks at his outstretched hand and traces a finger down his palm.

“You shouldn’t care about me,” he whispers, “I ain’t no good for anyone, don’t ya know that?”

“You’ve been good for me. More than,” Callum admits quietly, honestly. Ben holds his gaze, a crack in the veneer of self-loathing that seems to cover him from head to toe.

“Come on,” Callum helps Ben up and quietly guides him towards the bedroom. He gets him to lie down and as he straightens up, Ben grasps his arm. 

“Please,” he whispers shakily, “I,” his voice drifts off and he pulls his hand quickly away from Callum as if he’s touching something he shouldn’t be allowed to see let alone touch. 

“Just going to get some ice for those bruises,” Callum tells him, a comforting quirk on his lips.

Callum takes a few minutes in the kitchen, trying to collect himself and gather his thoughts. His chin is practically touching his chest as he closes his eyes and tries to take deep breaths. His heart is pounding and he can hear the blood rushing in his ears.

Ben, who had always seemed so cocky and arrogant. Ben, who Callum had been so envious of for being so open and unashamed of who he is; who walked with swagger and a confident smile. That same Ben was lonely and hated himself in a way that was achingly familiar. 

He hates it. Hates that Ben can’t see how brave and amazing he is. Hates that his Dad and the world keep putting him down until that wonderful confidence was chipped away enough to let that poisonous self hatred slip in. And he hates that, once again, someone thought it was ok to lay hands on him and make him bleed.

He returns to the bedroom when he feels more under control, frozen peas wrapped up in a tea towel, and places them soothingly against a badly bruised eye. Ben winces and looks away, shame colouring his face, “Can I stay here? I-I don’t want to be alone.”

Callum's not sure if it’s the alcohol or the fight that has Ben craving company so much. He hates himself for the internal debate about whether that’s a good idea or not, and licks his lips nervously. 

He sees Ben’s pleading eyes slowly dull to resignation and loneliness. He’d promised himself he’d make things better for him, be there for him. If Jay or anyone else asked him to stay with them he’d do it without thinking about it. “Course,” Callum tells him, a small curve to his lips, “move over.”

Together, they lie on top of the bed, on their backs, staring up at the ceiling.

Ben clears his throat, trying to get rid of that tight, clogging feeling. “Thank you.”

Callum turns his head to look at him and encircles his hand in his own, squeezing gently.


	6. Chapter 6

Callum is enchanted, entranced, and he knows it. 

Ben looks different like this, in the morning light with his mouth slightly parted and soft breaths escaping dry lips. His eyelashes rest against his lightly freckled skin, hiding the cornflower blue from view. He looks sweet, young, innocent, even if he is nearly fully dressed with traces of blood dappled across his shirt. Callum still doesn’t like the look of some of those bruises, angry and swollen looking, but still, he can’t help but drink in every little detail of Ben Mitchell.

They’d rolled closer towards each other during the night, but still their loosely held hands were their only point of contact.  
He could go and make them both coffee, or put some toast on, but he doesn’t. He’d rather lie here and bask in the silent presence of Ben. He tries to remember the last time he felt this calm, this light, but he can’t. And it hurts to admit it. As much as he loves Whitney, he’s never felt as content as he does in this moment, lying beside Ben and holding his hand.

There is a whisper of guilt that he’s feeling so relaxed when Ben is obviously hurting. He hates that Ben’s suffering, that he’s putting himself through additional pain with the decisions he’s making. However, a small, secret piece of him is so happy he could help Ben in some little way; glad that he chose to come to Callum to help him. He aches badly with the need to look after him, to take care of him and hide him away from all the nasty things in the world.

Hesitantly, he raises his hand and traces a finger down his cheek, lightly so he doesn’t aggravate any of the bruising. Ben starts to shift, eyelids blinking until unfocused eyes stare back at him, a sleepy smile curving his lips. 

“Morning,” Callum says, suddenly nervous and all too aware of their still touching hands.

“Morning,” Ben answers, blinking rapidly, sleepy smile quickly disappearing as he awakes to the room around him. He glances hastily around him before looking back at his bed mate.

“How ya feeling this morning?” Callum gently squeezes his hand and Ben looks down with a hint of surprise that he quickly covers.

Ben takes a minute to remember what happened and do a mental inventory of the aches and pains in his body. “Not too bad considering. Must have the magic touch, Halfway,” he smirks, a twinkle in his eye, “maybe that nurse’s uniform ain’t such a bad idea after all.”

Callum huffs a laugh, willing his face not to heat up.

“Fancy some breakfast?”

Ben clears his throat and rolls to sit up at the side of the bed. “Nah, thanks,” he cradles his ribs with one hand casting a quick glance over his shoulder. “I should probably get going.” He stands up, his feet hitting off the now soggy bag of peas and soaking wet tea towel. His brow furrows as he glares down at them, and purses his lips together. 

“I shouldn’t a come here last night,” he admits, but Callum’s not sure he meant for him to hear that. 

In a flash he’s off the bed and standing in front of him. “I’m glad you did.”

Ben eyes him warily, “right, well, um, thanks for, y’know, patching me up and all.” He rounds the taller man but keeps facing him as he starts backing up towards the door, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly. Callum follows him, head tilted to one side, not used to seeing Ben seemingly so flustered.

“Ben?”

“I should go,” Ben repeats, rubbing at his eyes, “shouldn’t have slept with contacts in. Eyes are killing me.”

_Ben in glasses,_ he dismisses the thought as quickly as it appears.

“Ya don’t have to go yet,” Callum tells him desperately, sending him a small smile. “I, uh, I have cereal or I can make bacon and eggs. Well, as longs as they’re boiled or fried.” He lets a small laugh escape as Ben looks at him half confused and scared. 

“I can’t do this, Callum,” Ben finally tells him. 

“Do what?” he tries to play stupid but they both know it and he drops the small smile, ashamed at his own cowardice.

Ben bites his lip and shakes his head, “I can’t have you blowing hot and cold on me. It’s too much. I can’t deal with that right now.”

Callum can feel his pulse thumping, his eyes growing wide, but he can’t look away from Ben. He never could, especially not when he’s like this; getting worked up, emotional, letting Callum see him.

Suddenly, Ben steps forward; pressing a hand against Callum’s racing heart. “I thought I could help you like Paul did for me. I thought maybe I’d get a few points with the big man upstairs for helping you out and you might even be a bit of fun.” His hand tightens in Callum’s t-shirt. “But you ain’t a bit of fun, are ya?”

Ben’s eyes shimmer in the morning light, and Callum finds himself drawn to him, swaying closer with each breath he takes.

“You get under my skin,” Ben admits, each word like an unwanted secret escaping his lips. “Can’t stop thinking about ya. All the bloody time.” He feels his hand trembling against Callum’s chest, and he presses more firmly against it, willing the shaking to stop. “I loved Paul. He was my entire world. I loved him, and losing him,” he shuts his mouth audibly, clenching his jaw before he continues, “it nearly killed me.”

Callum is mesmerised. Of their own accord, his hands lift to cradle Ben’s face, but Ben’s hands on his wrists stop him from reaching their goal.

“H-he must have been really special,” Callum tells him shakily, “for you to love him.”

“Special?” Ben barks a watery laugh, “yeah, he was special alright. More than. And after I lost him, I promised myself, I’d never do it again. I don’t need that pain in my life. Don’t want to give anyone that kind of power of me. I don’t need it. And you?”

He tilts his head staring up at Callum, at his wide, expressive eyes, big ears, trembling mouth and ridiculously floppy hair. “I think you could destroy me, if I let ya.” He confesses, on a whisper, “I don’t need that. I don’t need you.”

Forcefully, he pushes Callum’s hands away and turns to leave. 

“Ben, wait!” Callum calls, chasing after him through the living room. He can’t let him leave just like that. He can’t go back to being ignored and not seeing him. At that moment he doesn’t care about Stuart, or his Dad or Whitney, he just needs Ben. He can’t let him go like that. Not after all he’s said.

“Enough,” Ben shakes his head, “enough. I ain’t making any demands, any ultimatums, alright? You gotta do this on your own, in your own time. It’s not easy, Callum. I know that, but I’m not as good as Paul, I can’t help ya like that. I’m done playing games.”

“I ain’t playing a game,” Callum tells him roughly, “I know I screwed up, alright? I know I’m confused, and I don’t know what I’m doing.”

He shifts from foot to foot, but holds Ben’s gaze. “But I know one thing for certain.” He moves forward and pulls Ben towards him by the back of the neck. “I want you. I’ve missed ya so much.” He brushes his lips gently against him, seeking permission. So different from the tight grip he keeps behind the shorter man’s head. He feels Ben resist, how the muscles in his neck and arms strain on full alert. Ben hisses, and Callum pulls his lips back, suddenly reminded of Bens attack. He rests his forehead against Ben’s, keeping his eyes shut. 

Their breathing sounds loud in the quiet of the apartment, but neither makes any move to break apart. Callum takes a small kernel of hope from that. 

“I don’t want to destroy ya,” he tells Ben quietly, “don’t want to see ya hurt at all. Felt like finding those blokes who did that to you last night if I’m being honest.”

“You got a white horse to go with that shining armour?” Ben asks.

“Nah, but I got a hearse for the bodies. More practical, ain’t it?”

Ben can’t help the breathy chuckle that leaves him as he pulls back and looks up at Callum. He’s so sincere and lovely and conflicted. He knows this isn’t a good idea, he knows Callum’s a complete mess, and that at some point it’s all going to blow up and drag them both down. 

It’s easier to convince himself of these things when Callum’s not standing in front of him. When he’s not being sweet and gentle and funny and everything that Ben Mitchell isn’t supposed to want or deserve.

Callum cares too much, loves too much and has been hurt too much. Ben can almost see the end before they’ve begun. Callum’s not going to want to hurt Whitney, he’s not going to want to hurt Ben and in the end it will be the three of them that will suffer the consequences and bear the brunt of what they decide to do now. 

But then again, when has Ben Mitchell ever taken the easy option? 

“So, ya want me do ya?” he asks him licking his lips. Callum blushes furiously at how open Ben is and, Christ, but he will never get tired of making Callum flush and see that bashful look on his face.

“Question is, can you handle me?” he smirks at the taller man. He isn’t expecting Callum to surge forward and cradle his face like he’s something precious, something delicate. It makes his breath hitch and as their lips meet again, he gently presses back. 

It’s all the permission Callum needs, to take what he wants. He tries to push all of his longing, fears and desires into that kiss. 

Callum pulls back suddenly after hearing Ben moan, “shit, am I hurting ya?”

“Not yet”, Ben grabs the front of his t-shirt and pulls him back in.

This hadn’t been the plan. He wasn’t meant to be kissing Ben again, but when Ben whimpers beneath him, as his experienced hands roam underneath Callum’s old t-shirt, he knows nothing has ever felt as right as having this man in his arms.


	7. Chapter 7

“Here.”

Ben barely has time to look up before a towel wrapped bag of frozen something or other is pressed against the side of his face. He hisses as the cold seeps into his skin.

“Christ, Callum, give a guy some warning, yeah?” he scowls at the taller man.

Callum ignores his grouchiness and slumps down onto the couch beside him, frowning and fussing over him.

“I still don’t like the look of some of them bruises, Ben.”

“You’re as bad as my mum!” Ben mutters grumpily, gingerly moving the towel around his face.

“D’ya need to contact her maybe? She’s probably worried about ya by now.”

Ben looks up at him in amusement, “sent a text earlier. Told her I was up town with some bloke.”

“Some bloke?”

“Yeah,” Ben turns his attention back to the western playing on the telly, “thought he’d be a one hit wonder, turns out he was worth hanging around for.”

Callum grins beside him and takes Ben’s hand in his. Ben doesn’t look at him, but out of the corner of his eye, Callum can see the pleased smile on his face.

They watch the old cowboy film together, hands interlocked and feet tangled together on the table. This all feels far too normal and easy. Callum refuses to think about Whitney coming home tomorrow. It feels a little surreal but today he’s free to be with Ben, doing nothing but lazing around the house, and he’s determined to enjoy it.  
Throughout the morning, Callum learns Ben’s hand, studying it so much he’s convinced himself he could take it as an A-Level. He’s a bit bemused at himself. It’s just a hand, it’s not like he’s never seen one before. He’s got two of them himself. 

He doesn’t remember being fascinated by a hand before, but he keeps being drawn back to Ben’s. Thankfully, his companion seems content to let him trace over the bumps of his knuckles and follow the lines on his palm. Ben works with cars and it shows, little calluses and scars appear here and there but somehow they add to their appeal instead of taking away from it. 

Ben clears his throat and Callum looks up to find Ben looking at him with an amused expression. “You thinking of giving Mystic Meg a run for her money?” he asks looking pointedly down at his hand cradled in Callum’s.

Callum smiles shyly back at him, squeezing his palm. “Nah, she used a crystal ball.”

“Ah, well your balls definitely ain’t crystal.”

“Shut up,” Callum laughs brightly and Ben seems even more delighted to provoke that reaction out of him.

“So,” Callum looks innocently at Ben, “you said earlier you’re wearing contacts. Does that mean you wear glasses?”

Ben raises a sceptical eyebrow, “when I have to. Why? That a kink of yours?”

Callum shrugs, but thinks it’s not quite as casual as he would like. “Just never seen you in them is all.”

“Don’t really wear them out much anymore. Think they might detract from all this beauty,” He indicates to his face and pulls a grimace.

“I doubt that.”

“Oh yeah? I think you might have a bit of librarian fetish after all. Do stacks of books make you hot?” Ben waggles his eyebrows at him.

“That depends, are you the librarian?” Callum plays along ignoring the heat suffusing his face.

“Ooh, role play. Didn’t think we’d be crossing this bridge so soon. Do you want me to describe them to ya?”

“Shut up!” Callum pushes his shoulder good naturedly. 

Ben chuckles quietly and shifts a little, looking relaxed but a little nervous. “This is nice,” he finally says.

Callum’s brow furrows, “talking about your glasses?”

“Not just that,” Ben rolls his eyes, “this.” He lifts the hand Callum is still holding and squeezes it. “Just, sitting, talking. I ain’t done that since...” he drifts off and swallows, “haven’t done this in a while, is all.”

“Y’know, you can talk about him if ya want,” Callum tells him hesitantly, “Paul. I don’t mind. I know how important he is to ya. So if you want to talk about him, I’m here. And if not, then that’s okay too.”

Ben’s gaze has turned soft and he leans closer to Callum, studying him. “You really are a good ‘un, Highway, ain’t ya?”

Callum shrugs, “just want ya to know you’re not alone. If you want to talk, I’m here. I like talking to ya.”

“Yeah,” Ben sighs, “me too.” He leans forward and presses a soft kiss against Callum’s mouth. Before it can turn too heated he pulls back, eyes glittering and brushes a hand down Callum’s stubble. 

“I really do gotta go. Got a daughter I need to see to before her Mum and mine decide to tag team me on the good parenting rulebook.”

“Course,” Callum tells him. “I uh, I was thinking of heading to the Vic later.”

“Oh yeah?” Ben says gathering his things together. “Funny thing that. I was planning on heading there myself.”

Callum’s chest loosens, without him having realised it had tightened. “See you there later?” he asks hopefully, walking Ben to the door. 

“Yeah, later.” Ben kisses him once more before leaving the flat. He can’t seem to help the grin crossing his face despite the sharp sting he feels around his mouth.


	8. Chapter 8

The normal hum of locals enjoying the last quiet one of the weekend hangs over the Vic that evening. Callum’s eyes sweep the room, trying to look as casual as possible. He’d spent most of the afternoon trying to convince himself it wasn’t all a dream, that Ben would really be here and that they’re doing...whatever it is they’re doing. The last 24 hours has shifted his world in ways he couldn’t have imagined, and he knows he’s in a bigger mess now than he ever was before. Knows he shouldn’t be doing this with Ben. He’d wanted to be friends with Ben, wanted to help him and be there for him. He nearly laughs at the naivety of it all. There’s no way he could _just_ be friends with Ben Mitchell. Not now.

“Oi, Callum,” he turns to see Jay calling him over to a table with Lola and Ben. He smiles when he sees them, although all he can see of Ben so far is the back of his head.

“Alright?” He greets them, “can I get another round in?”

“I’ll just have a coke,” Lola replies, “Have to get back to Lexi soon.”

“I’ll have one with ya,” Jay tells him.

“Hmm,” Ben hums sitting back and looking up at Callum. “Another for me, thanks, since you’re offering.”

Callum’s eyes widen as he looks down at the shorter man, “uh, yeah, sure.”

Ben grins cheekily at him, “What’s the matter Callum? Ain’t you ever seen a pair of glasses before?”

If Callum didn’t know any better, he’d say he was getting weak in the knees. Ben’s glasses are square and dark. Instead of obscuring his eyes, they frame them beautifully. The blue seems to pop out even more and completely captivates him. He clears his throat self-consciously.

“Sorry, just took me by surprise.” Callum laughs off and Jay rolls his eyes.

“I think they have a bit of Clark Kent vibe,” Jay muses aloud.

“I think I could give the man of steel a run for his money,” Ben announces.

“Oh yeah,” Lola smirks at him, “and who’d be your Lois Lane?”

Ben scoffs, “who needs Lois Lane! Jimmy Olson’s the one you want. Just imagine all the fun things you could do with that camera of his.”

“That’s repulsive, you know that,” Lola wrinkles her nose and Callum quickly leaves them to their bickering to order from Mick.

“What’s got you so hot and bothered?” Ben appears beside him, leaning sideways against the bar, his hands casually brushing Callum’s sleeve.

“Did you really have to wear them tonight?” he asks, his voice a little strangled and a desperate look in his eye.

Ben looks a bit perplexed and then starts laughing. “The glasses? Seriously? Wow, you really _do_ have a geek kink, don’t ya?”

Callum looks around furtively, looking more and more agitated and Ben rolls his eyes and takes pity on him. “Calm down, alright? I wasn’t lying this morning when I said I shouldn’t have slept in those contacts. Eyes were still too sore to put them in again earlier, so I didn’t have much of a choice. It was either the glasses or blindly start flirting with random lampposts I thought were you.”

Callum shakes his head and Mick comes back with the drinks. “Here y’are Halfway.”

“Thanks, Mick.”

They turn back to the table and Ben brushes up against him. “Didn’t think they’d actually get you going though,” he murmurs. 

He sits back down before Callum can reply and pushes out the stool beside him for the brunette to sit down. Callum settles himself down, content to just spend the evening with Ben and their friends, even if he did secretly wish it was just the two of them. 

The warm pressure of Ben’s hand on his thigh nearly causes him to spill his pint across the table and Jay laughs at him.

“Steady on, Callum. Are you sure this is your first tonight?”

“Sorry,” Callum breathes out, glaring at Ben from the corner of his eye. He tries to concentrate on the conversation going on around him but finds he’s too aware of Ben’s hand on his leg to do anything. He must make the right noises at the right times, however, because nobody really comments on how quiet he is. 

He doesn’t know what to do. Ben touching him is nice but they’re in public. What if someone sees? Ben couldn’t care less apparently, going on as usual, not a hint of the fact that he’s lightly squeezing Callum’s thigh every few moments. Almost like a reminder that he’s still touching him. Like he could forget.

He doesn’t want to shake him off because then what if Lola or Jay see and start asking questions? Of course there’s also the fact that he kind of likes Ben touching him. It’s like a little reminder, or promise of what the night could bring.

He’s jolted from his thoughts when Ben’s hand leaves his leg and he fishes his phone out of his pocket, looking at the screen. A cheeky grin covers his face and he puffs out his chest as he announces. “Well, I’m sorted for the rest of the night.”

“What?” Callum looks at him and Ben winks back.

“You’re disgusting,” Lola tells him derisively.

“Just spare me the details tomorrow, alright?” Jay pleads.

“You’re going?” Callum’s eyebrows nearly hit his hairline as Ben gets up from beside him.

“Yep,” Ben grins.

“But-”

“Let’s see shall well?” Ben says to him, “my choices are sitting here all night like the rest of the old fuddy duddies around here or getting my rocks off with a young, fit bloke. Not much of a choice really, is it?”

“Just go, and leave us to drink in peace,” Lola sighs.

“Don’t wait up,” Ben calls over his shoulder leaving the pub. He smirks at Callum when he reaches the door and Callum just stares at him in stunned silence. His mouth suddenly feels dry and he tries to control his breathing to a normal rate.

“I swear, it’s worse he’s getting, not better,” Lola mutters.

Jay snorts and turns to Callum, “So, how are the wedding plans coming then?”

“Yeah,” Callum answers, still in shock at Ben’s abrupt departure, “they’re, they’re fine. Really more Whit’s area than mine.”

“Typical man then,” Lola smiles at him. 

“Yeah,” he replies, “I guess.” 

His phone starts buzzing with a text alert and he lifts it, reading the message.

_Why am I still waiting?_

“That her, then?” Jay asks

“What?” Callum can barely lift his face, relief and excitement racing through him.

“Whitney. You got that soppy look on your face.”

Callum blushes and laughs, “I, I should go. Need to deal with this.” He hastily stands up and leaves the bar.

He’s only taken a few hurried steps when he feels himself being dragged into the poorly lit alley beside the Vic.

In the cramped darkness, he feels the warmth of Ben’s body heat radiating off him soaking through his clothes.

“Fancy meeting you here?” He murmurs quietly.

“Ben,” he sighs, “What was that about, in there?”

Ben rolls his eyes, “what did you want me to do? Tell them I was going to drag you to bed and do unspeakable things to you?”

Callum tilts his head down and it’s enough to brush his lips against Ben’s forehead.

“Now, are we going to argue or are we going to make use of your empty flat?”

Callum feels his heart rate speed up and he nods his head. “Come on, then.” He looks around carefully before exiting the alley and stuffing his hands in his pockets to stop himself from grabbing at Ben. 

Ben saunters behind him, and when he turns to look at him, Ben’s gaze is firmly glued to his arse, the tip of his tongue peeking out. Callum’s hands shake as he gets the key in the lock. This dream may end tomorrow, but tonight... oh tonight, the dream’s only begun.


	9. Chapter 9

Most people don’t like Monday mornings. A full five days before you can rest and relax again during the weekend. Ben was never a fan himself. Although, admittedly, lately, he’s not been sure what day of the week it is, so it hasn’t been so bad.

Today though, today may be the best Monday morning he’s had in a long while. It frightens him a bit, how much he enjoys spending time with Callum. He’d thought (hoped?) the novelty would wear off, but it hasn’t. 

At least not yet. 

Of course he’s been living in a fantasy world. Whitney’s home today and he feels that horrible twist of jealousy deep in his chest. It took him by surprise how much he’d wanted to mark Callum last night; to claim him, make him his, leave something for her to find. 

Instead he’d settled for using all of his tricks to give the best blow jobs of his life. He’s fairly certain he succeeded, if the blissed out expression Callum had worn was anything to go by. He swears, galaxies of stars shine in that boy’s eyes.

He’d left the flat earlier and headed for his Mum’s caff, where she’d tutted at him disapprovingly and gave him an earful about running around with random blokes. Honestly, it was getting old at this stage. 

It was just a coincidence that Callum turned up dressed in his office best for his breakfast not long after. A friendly good morning and casual suggestion that they have breakfast together lead them to the far corner booth; far away from prying eyes, sharing secret glances and gentle smiles. 

Ben slides his foot between Callum’s, just letting it rest there, ankle pressed against ankle, a point of contact hidden in public. He feels a giddiness bubbling up in his chest, like a child doing something they shouldn’t be. It’s a feeling he hasn’t experienced in a long time and his breath hitches when Callum’s eyes light up. He winks at him, feeling the tea send a warm trail down his throat.

“You seem a bit chipper this morning; feeling a bit more like yourself then?” Callum asks, eyebrows raised.

“Yeah, Mum was giving me lip for pulling last night, but do you know it’s amazing what a little... _exercise_ can do for a body.” Ben loves making Callum blush, the rosy hue flowing down his neck to where it disappears beneath his shirt. He sucks his bottom lip between his teeth, eyeing Callum’s fingers as he eats his fry.

Callum knocks his foot against him and casts a few furtive glances around the room, “don’t look at me like that,” he hisses, “not here.”

Ben reaches forward and steals the end of a sausage. “Oi,” Callum calls indignantly, “keep your hands off my sausage!”

Ben’s eyebrows rise and he chuckles deep and low, biting off a piece of meat as Callum’s eyes widen comically. “Didn’t think you minded me handling your sausage.”

Callum tries to look offended but can’t help the burst of laughter that escapes him, kicking Ben good naturedly beneath the table. 

Ben opens his mouth to tease him more when suddenly, Callum’s eyes widen and he stiffens, sitting up straighter, his feet disappearing from around Ben’s and knocking against the front of the booth seat in his haste to separate them. 

“There he is,” Whit is a blur of purple and khaki as she takes Callum’s face in hers and kisses him deeply, humming happily. Ben is sure that sausage will be making a reappearance again soon if this continues. Callum looks awkward as anything, not sure what to do with his hands, eventually settling them on Whit’s arms to steady himself as she sways into him.

“Am I going to have to get a hose for you two?” Ben eventually asks, sending them a quick, false smile which soon disappears. Whit pulls away laughing and cups Callum’s face. She pushes him further down the seat and sits beside him, opposite Ben.

“Can you blame me? Being away from my handsome husband to be ain’t easy. Thought I’d never get back to him.” She presses small kisses over his cheek and chin. Callum meets Ben’s gaze but looks away quickly, clearly mortified and embarrassed.

“Steady on, Whit,” he strangles out a laugh, “it ain’t been that long.”

“Yeah, Delilah, no PDA when I’m eating. Just finished my brekkie, don’t fancy seeing it again.”

“You’re such a kill joy, you are,” Whitney remarks, frowning at him, “What happened to you?”

“Oh, this?” he points at his face, “just a bust-up at the club.”

“Did you report it to the police?” she looks genuinely concerned and it causes an uneasy twinge in Ben’s chest.

“Oh yeah, cos me and the old bill have a great relationship,” he scoffs, focusing on finishing the food on his plate.

“Still,” she frowns at him, “it ain’t right, Ben. They shouldn’t be allowed get away with it.”

“Leave him alone, hey Whit? It’s up to Ben to decide what to do.”

Whitney frowns at her fiancée and looks back at Ben. “Those glasses aren’t hiding anything, either.”

“Hmm, but maybe I didn’t wear them to hide my face. Maybe it’s my new look. I have it on good authority they suit me. Apparently, they make my baby blues stand out,” he flutters his eyelashes dramatically and Whit laughs at him, “like sapphires in a sea of black! Or galaxies in the midnight sky! Make me irresistible and all. ” 

"Oh?" Whit smirks, "and is it working?"

"I'm not sure," he sighs dramatically and glances over the table, “what do you say, Callum?”

“I, uh,” Callum looks like he’s about to have a stroke, and Ben grins wider. “yeah, they’re, they’re nice.”

“Nice?”

Whitney shakes her head, a smile still in place. “Stop teasing him.” She pats Callum’s chest and snuggles up to him with a contented sigh.

“Someone get me a sick bag,” Ben mutters. Callum lets out a hallow laugh and Whitney glares at him.

“You really don’t have an ounce of romance in you, do ya?”

“Well, he’s single,” Callum answers her before Ben can, “don’t really want to be seeing couples being coupley when you’re single, do ya?”

Ben raises an eyebrow and sits back in his seat looking at the undertaker thoughtfully. Callum colours under the gaze of his two lovers.

“You feeling alright, babe?” Whitney frowns as she places her hand across Callum’s forehead, “you feel a bit hot.”

“ _Looks_ a bit hot and all,” Ben quips with a smirk, while Callum’s face flushes even more.

“I hope you’re not coming down with something. Maybe you should take the day off.”

“Nah,” Callum, bats her hands away and offers her a warm smile, “just a bit warm is all. They were talking about a heatwave on the news, weren’t they?”

Ben looks at him caught between disbelief and amusement. Callum was adorable, but thinking on the spot clearly wasn’t one of his strong points. He shakes his head and stands up.

“Well, I’d love to stay and see 'loves young dream,' but it’s time I got to work. Cars won’t sell themselves.” Ben looks at the two of them, sitting together so cosy, like the picture perfect couple, and feels a shiver run down his spine. His eyes meet Callum’s briefly, before the undertaker looks down and away. Ben feels his mouth tighten into a thin line, but says nothing more before leaving.

Callum watches him leave and feels like an idiot. He’s never wanted to hurt Ben, but he knows the abrupt change to their easy going morning bothered him. Heck, it bothered Callum. And that made him feel guilty; because he loves Whitney, loves spending time with her but he’d wanted to share his breakfast with Ben. 

“Always so bitter that one,” Whitney muses, taking Callum back to the present. She turns her 100 watt smile on him, wide and lovely. “So, did you miss me?”

“Yeah,” he clears his throat, “of course I missed ya.”

“Quiet night in then?” she grins at him, squeezing his thigh.

“Eh, yeah, if you want. I recorded Handmaid’s Tale, we could watch that if ya like.”

She laughs, “what? You didn’t watch it without me.”

“N-no,” Callum’s shirt feels a little tight against his throat thinking about the reason why he didn’t watch it. 

The reason that just walked out the door. 

“Didn’t want to watch it without ya, wouldn’t seem right.”

“Aw,” Whit kisses his cheek, “ain’t you sweet?”

Callum blushes and looks back at his breakfast, feeling decidedly less hungry.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You may have noticed the change in rating. I don't write anything explicit, but I was a bit concerned I was beginning to write things that deserved a slightly higher rating than 'Teen,' so to be on the safe side I upped the rating to 'M.' 
> 
> This chapter knocked me about a bit. I thought, and had planned, for it to go one way, only for it to go another. In fact, it grew until I decided to split it into two chapters.

Words are swimming in front of him, blurring together into a sea of black sludge. He rubs the heels of his hands into his eyes, trying to get things to start making sense again.

Jay walks through the door humming quietly to himself. However, a quick glance at the exhausted face of his employee has him smiling slyly. “Late night, was it?”

“What?” Callum blinks up at him and then clears his throat, “Uh, yeah, late enough.”

“Heard Whitney was more than thrilled to get back home to ya.”

“Heard from who?” Callum’s brow furrows and Jay's smile widens at him.

“Ben mentioned it last night in the Vic. Said something about being glad Lexi weren’t in the caff yesterday morning when she arrived.” 

Callum’s grip tightens on the pen he’s holding and he looks down at the papers splayed haphazardly in front of him. “Not like we were doing anything inappropriate.” He protests.

“Just about,” Jay laughs, “you’re a lucky man Callum!” He winks at him and heads on into his own office.

Callum can feel the tightness in his chest return but this time he feels it squeeze even more, coiling uncomfortably behind his ribs. He’d rather not think about last night, it makes him feel ashamed and his stomach roil. He can feel sweat beading at his hairline, and it all feels like a bad nightmare he can’t escape from. Just the mention of last night has his face flaming in shame and he jams the pen against his leg hoping to distract his mind from the memory of the previous night. 

A quiet night in had sounded like a great idea when Whitney had suggested it, but he stupidly hadn’t fully grasped exactly what she’d meant by that. After the take-out curry, they’d sat on the couch, Whitney curled up on his chest contentedly, and catching up on the telly they’d missed since she’d been gone. He’d run his fingers through her hair, always enjoying how silky it seemed to be. He liked this, hanging out with Whit and listening to her little comments about what was happening on the box. 

He’d tried to concentrate on what was going on but found his thoughts unwillingly kept drifting back to Ben. He hadn't caught so much as a glimpse of him since he left the caff earlier, and it left him feeling antsy and unsettled. It was hard to believe that in such a short amount of time Ben could have had such an effect on him, but he couldn't deny it. It felt like an addiction or a compulsion; wondering how he was, how he’d spent his day, did he think about Callum at all? The questions were like a low level soundtrack to his day.

He tried to not think about how Ben had looked sitting on that same sofa the night before, or how his laugh had seemed to fill the entire room. He definitely tried not to think about how with just the lift of an eyebrow Ben could have him losing his breath and wanting to lose his clothes all at the same time.

He was so distracted _not_ thinking about Ben that he hadn’t realised Whitney had been slowly caressing higher and higher up his thigh until she had pushed herself forward and kissed him. She’d pulled back, grinning from ear to ear, a sparkle in her eye. Suddenly, he was aware of the blank screen over her shoulder.

“So, how about a proper early night?” She leaned forward and pressed her lips against him, nipping lightly at his bottom lip. He automatically held her closer and tried to calm his racing mind and heart. It felt like being brought back to reality with a bump, just like this morning when she'd interrupted his breakfast with Ben. Whitney seemed to take his rapid breathing as encouragement and tugged him from the couch and lead him to the bedroom. He let her do so, his mouth dry and fingers trembling. 

They’d kept only a side lamp on, and he’d tried to compel his mind to get with the program. Whitney was a beautiful woman, and half the square would give their right arm to be him at that moment. He’s ashamed to say he let her do most of the work, and she didn’t seem to mind. Her absence had made her more enthusiastic. Unbidden, as he closed his eyes, her touch turned rougher, moans lower and grip firmer. He bit his lip until it bled to stop himself from calling out for someone who didn’t belong there. 

It didn’t matter how hard he tried though, he was too tense and his own body seemed to recoil at any attempt to get it to do what it should be doing. Eventually, feeling his temperature rise and the walls start closing in on him, anxiety blocking his airways, he pushed her off and headed for the bathroom.

Shakily, he locked the door and slid down onto the cool floor, holding his head in his shaking hands. Concentrating on his breathing, he tried to relax his muscles and let the cool darkness seep into his worked up mind. 

“Callum?” The sound of Whitney knocking on the door, made him jerk uncomfortably, undoing nearly all of the work he'd put into getting his racing heart under control. “What’s wrong, are you all right?” 

The door rattled when she tried to open it and he held his breath hoping she’d just go away. “Callum?” she whispered.

“S-sorry, Whit,” he managed to get out, “I’m just not, I’m not feeling too well,” he stumbled, clasping his trembling hands together until his fingertips turned white.

“Let me in?”

He silently counted to ten in his head and raised himself from the ground, opening the door. Whitney looked relieved that he’d let her in.

“Shouldn’t be sitting in the dark,” she told him flipping the switch. 

“Thought I was going to throw up.”

The reassuring smile she’d worn faded away when she took in his blotchy skin, red rimmed, glassy eyes and how his body shook. She cradled his cheek with one hand and it was too much. She was too good, she deserved so much, and what the hell was wrong with him that he couldn't really be what she needed. He failed to stop the sob that was wrenched from his throat, and he couldn’t meet her eyes. 

“I’m sorry. I’m _so_ sorry, Whit.”

“Hey,” she shushed him, “you’ve nothing to be sorry about. Come on, let’s get you back to bed. Standing around in the dark in your boxers ain’t gonna make you feel any better. I’ll get you some water.”

She returned with a glass and ushered him back to the bed. Laying her hand across his forehead, her eyebrows scrunched together and her lips twisted in indecision. “I knew you looked peaky earlier. You don’t seem to have a temperature though. We should get you to a doctor tomorrow, just to be safe.”

“No,” Callum insisted, removing her hand and squeezing it in thanks, “no doctor. I’m sure it’ll pass in its own time.”

He could see her considering him, a shadow of doubt in the corner of her eye. He swallowed and looked down at the duvet, tracing the pattern of a flower with his thumb nervously. “I’m s-sorry. I know you wanted...an early night. I didn’t mean to ruin it.”

“Don’t be daft,” she smiled at him, “we have the rest of our lives for early nights. I’m more concerned about _you_.”

“I’ll be fine,” he thought he sounded a bit strangled, but she didn’t question him. Instead he drank half the glass of water and turned off the light. He closed his eyes, trying to relax but had to put his arm around Whitney as she curled up beside him. It only took a few moments for her breathing to even out. Callum was angry for the spike of relief that coursed through him when she finally fell asleep. 

That night was one of the worst he’d had in a long time. His mind screamed at him throughout. He’d made himself dirty, Whitney dirty and Ben dirty. Whitney seemed content lying beside him, but how long would that last for? Everything was wrong. _He_ was wrong. Whitney was perfect, wonderful. It shouldn’t be a chore for him to sleep with her; it shouldn’t send him into a panic. 

Not to mention trying to think of Ben when he was with her. It was sick. If Whitney knew, if _Ben_ knew... 

He still vividly remembers how he’d tried to recoil from her, how her every touch seemed to wipe away Ben’s. It had only made everything worse. 

He knew the tears had escaped during the night but he’d choked back on his sobs, afraid of waking Whitney and making her worry again. She deserved the world, not to be worrying about her crying fiancée. 

Today, he wants nothing more than to see Ben and beg him to touch him again. He’d woken that morning terrified he’d forget how it felt, and he needed to remember. It was a fear that had started as an irrational thought as Whitney brushed kisses down his neck and across his chest. But, it had lingered in the back of his mind, slowly growing without his knowledge, until he'd been left with the irrational, terrifying thought that he'd never remember what Ben's hands had felt like when they traced the skin hidden beneath his t-shirt, or gripped almost painfully at his hair.

That Jay had assumed his tiredness and inattentiveness was due to a long night making love to his fiancée, only left a cold stone of dread in his stomach.

He needed to see Ben.


	11. Chapter 11

The caff at lunch is busy with a small queue and Kathy Beale taking all the orders as quickly and efficiently as she normally does. It feels like the world is conspiring against him; trying to prevent him from seeing Ben again. An overrun meeting with a grieving widower had meant he’d gotten his lunch break twenty minutes later, and he finds himself picking at the skin around his thumbnail to try and quell his restlessness. 

He breathes a sigh of relief when Kathy hands him over the two coffees and sticky buns with a hasty smile. He still can’t stop himself from glancing around when he leaves though. As if someone is going to take one look at him and his two coffees and know exactly what he’s up to. He forces himself to act natural, sure that all his furtive glances around the market are only making him look more suspicious. He hopes Ben’s at the Car Lot and without any clients; he doesn’t think he can take any more distractions.

“Alright, little brother?” 

Callum curses silently in his head before turning and giving Stuart a tight smile. “Fine Stuart. You?”

“Great! Saw Whitney at her stall. You must be glad to have her back,” Stuart grins at him but Callum swears he can see that hint of suspicion in his gaze. He looks down at the two cardboard cups in Callum’s hands and presses his lips tightly together. Callum doesn’t have it in him to pretend today. Not after last night, not when all he wants is to see Ben again. 

“Yeah, it’s great. I gotta go, see you around, yeah?”

He doesn’t bother waiting for a reply or acknowledge Stuart calling his name. He takes the scenic route to the car lot, not willing to risk his brother watching him go straight to Ben’s. He’s not going to put Ben in any danger just because he’s impatient. 

When he reaches the lot, Ben is giving the keys of a car to some bloke, with a cheerful smile and a friendly wave. Spotting Callum, his smile fades a little and he heads towards the office. Callum, of course, follows.

By the time he gets in, Ben is already sitting back in his chair, feet crossed and perched on the table. The picture of confidence and grace.

“To what do I owe the pleasure, Callum?”

Callum sits down opposite him placing the coffee and bag on the table. “Got this for ya, thought you could use it.”

“Ah, mission of charity,” Ben sighs taking a sip from the cup gratefully, “or is this to make up for breakfast yesterday?”

“I didn’t know she’d be back that early,” Callum murmurs apologetically. 

“Clearly,” Ben snorts, peeking inside the bag and eyes lighting up at the sticky bun inside. His gaze sweeps over Callum as he takes a bite, taking in the crumpled shirt, skewed tie and restless hands. “Take it you’re not interested in any of my gear then?”

“Learned my lesson with the van,” Callum comments, sipping gratefully at the dark coffee. Ben rolls his eyes and lets out a dramatic sigh. “Still going on about that? Give it a rest. I swear you’ll still be talking about that when we’re impotent, old men off our rockers in the old folk’s home.”

Callum smiles gently, and looks down at the cup in his hand. He knows Ben’s only making light of the situation, but something warm and fuzzy grows in his chest at the thought of him and Ben as old codgers together. Even more so that Ben was the one to mention it. 

He can already feel himself begin to relax and calm down. 

“Come on then, out with it,” Ben tells him, “what’s got you round here?”

“Nothing, just wanted to see ya,” Callum admits and sees Ben regard him with a blank face.

“Really? Thought you might be too busy getting reacquainted with your bride.” He sounds bitter and spiteful and Callum can’t listen to it. Not from Ben, not after everything.

“Don’t,” he says gruffly, “please, don’t.” He can’t lift his gaze from the desk, the tension starting to build again. 

Instantly, Ben’s feet disappear from the desk and he walks to the door. Callum swears his heart stops; sure Ben is going to yank it open and demand that Callum get out and stay out of his life. Instead, he hears the lock click and his eyes finally meet Ben’s as he comes back around, perching on the front of the desk. There isn’t enough room, so Ben’s leg pushes into Callum’s until he’s forced to spread them and Ben is between them, practically kneeling in his lap. He takes the coffee from Callum’s hands, placing it on the desk, and forces him to look at him.

“What’s wrong?” the bravado is gone and instead is the sincerity and patience that Callum instantly recognises and responds to.

“Everything,” he blurts out, “I can’t concentrate on work, everyone keeps banging on about how happy I must be that Whit’s back, and I couldn’t even-”

He cuts himself off, unable to say it, how useless he is as a fiancé.

Cool hands take his clenched one and soothe it with gentle caresses and he is so relieved to feel some small touch from Ben, he could cry.

“Couldn’t what Callum? You can tell me anything, you know that.”

Callum looks at him then, he knows he still looks fearful but Ben looks nothing but calm and reassuring.

“W-Whitney,” he finds himself saying, “she, she wanted an early night, but I,I couldn’t.” He chokes out a sob and shakes his head vigorously, “I tired, but I couldn’t. Didn’t matter what I did or what I thought. I couldn’t do it. Couldn’t even satisfy my own fiancée!”

“And why do you think that is?” Ben’s voice is laser sharp, even as his touch is gentle. “You can’t pretend to be something you’re not, Callum. You’re only hurting yourself.”

Callum shakes his head, refusing to listen to this, “I tried, Ben, but it was too much. I even tried pretending she was you,” the admission slips out without him meaning it to and he can see Ben’s jaw tick, knowing how hard he is trying to hold himself in check. 

“I’m flattered,” not even his flat tone can hide how upset he is.

“Didn’t work. Just made me feel sick.”

“Glad to be of service,” Ben’s sourness is practically tangible, something he could reach out and touch.

“I needed to see ya,” Callum tells him, looking up at him like he’s scared he’ll disappear at any minute. He focuses on how Ben still holds his hand, and he wonders if he will ever not want this, not enjoy this; just holding Ben’s hand. “I thought... it’s stupid.”

“What?”

Callum bites his bottom lip and feels his eyes burn with the tears gathered there, “it, it felt like she was trying to erase you from my skin and I, I missed you, so much.”

“Oh, yeah?” Ben’s voice is low and barely above a growl, “how much?”

Callum swallows and raises his eyes to Ben’s. They’re sparkling, even in the dull cabin, and Callum’s hands rise of their own accord and grab hold of Ben’s hips.  
“Show me,” Ben whispers. Callum’s hands pull the shorter man down until he’s straddling his legs properly. He grunts out a breath at the sudden weight and Ben’s grin brightens his face. “That better not be a dig about my weight.”

Callum doesn’t answer him, just shakes his head and reaches up with one hand to trace the contour of Ben’s face, to learn again the feel of the barely-there stubble and warmth of his skin. He lets out a content sigh. This feels right, this feels like all the chaotic thoughts and feelings are being realigned. His hands find their way to his favourite place on Ben’s neck, the place where his hands rest as if they naturally belong there. Fingers curling and catching on the short wisps of hair and he knows if he tugs just right, he can make Ben moan in the most delicious of ways.

He sees Ben’s tongue wet his lips and watches as he eyes darken beautifully. Pulling him more firmly against him, he feels the warm heat of him, hard and wanting, pressing against him. Callum manoeuvres him where he wants him and just when his lip is a hairs breath away from him, Ben pulls back slightly. “Are you sure about this? I don’t want you beating yourself up over this after.”

“I won’t, I need this,” Callum murmurs, pulling him closer until he finally sinks against him, lips demanding and aggressive. Ben nips at his bottom lip before soothing the hurt with the swipe of a tongue. Callum moans and Ben takes the opportunity to push his tongue inside, relearning the feel and texture of Callum’s mouth. 

It doesn’t take long for hands to push at jackets and pull open shirts and trousers. Hot hands and mouths reaching for each other to bring each other to the promise of pleasure, shouting each other’s names as they reach that breathtaking peak.

Callum gathers Ben to his chest afterward, feeling his heart beating as rapidly as his own, their breaths mingling, ragged and racing. Ben starts chuckling not long afterwards, and pulls back to look at Callum, his face still flushed and sweaty. He runs his hand through Callum’s hair and Callum looks at him like he hung the moon. 

“I could get used to this,” Ben tells him, kissing him once more. “Yeah, definitely could. The Callum Highway lunch special, the complete service.”

Callum grins, feeling more like himself in the last half hour than he has since yesterday morning. Ben rests his head against the crook of Callum’s neck, his breaths leaving beads of moisture and goose bumps in their wake. Why couldn’t it be like this with Whitney? He guiltily pushes the thought back, a shiver running down his back, and tightens his hold on Ben. 

“Feeling better?” Ben kisses the skin beneath Callum’s ear making him shiver and moan. He pulls back with a triumphant grin plastered across his face.

“Yeah, yeah, I do.” He cups Ben’s cheek who kisses his palm and Callum frowns at him. “But...I feel like...like I’m using ya.”

Ben smirks and waggles his eyebrows, “Maybe I like being used.”

“Don’t say that,” Callum tells him, the hand on his back tightening possessively. 

“What?” Ben laughs, “do you think I wasn’t enjoying myself? That I was doing it out of the kindness of my heart? Doesn’t really sound like me, now does it?” He lowers his face and kisses Callum. All too quickly he pulls back, groaning in annoyance as he sits up and moves away. “Jay’ll be missing ya if you don’t get back soon.”

“Yeah, you’re right,” Callum suddenly moves frantically, pulling up his trousers and trying to right his tie. Ben isn’t in as much of a hurry and takes time to enjoy the view Callum presents in front of him. 

“Any further on that little wedding problem you have?” he asks conversationally.

Callum hesitates, his jacket half on but pulls it up over his shoulders, shrugging into it and avoiding Ben’s gaze, “I, I don’t want to talk about that.”

Ben snorts derisively, “ignorning it isn’t going to make it disappear.”

“I asked her to marry me Ben. I made a commitment to her.”

“Even after all you’ve just told me?” Ben challenges him.

“I promised to marry her.”

“But that promise didn’t include _not_ sleeping around with other blokes?”

“That ain’t fair,” Callum’s protest is weak and uncertain and Ben takes full advantage.

“Oh really? Cos from where I’m standing, you’re marrying a woman you can’t stand to touch while having sex with me whenever you can.”

“We ain’t having sex!” he says frustrated.

“Well we ain’t just shaking hands either!” Ben yells at him.

Callum falls heavily down against the sofa. “I know, I know, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it. Not like that.”

“Then what did you mean?”

“I dunno. I just...I thought if we didn’t, y’know,” he gestures awkwardly between the two of them, “then it weren’t really a full affair.”

Ben stares at him incredulously, “The Bill Clinton excuse? Really? So because I ain’t been riding your dick Whit would be ok with what we’re doing, is that it? Think you’re logic’s a bit off there mate.”

“I don’t need this!” Callum yells in frustration. “I didn’t come here to row with ya!”

Ben sighs and sits down beside him, knocking against his shoulder. “You’re right, I’m sorry. Didn’t mean to get you all worked up. Not like that anyway,” he smirks at Callum, seeking forgiveness in his eyes.

Callum starts to relax again and huffs a laugh, “You’re hopeless you are.”

“Hopeful,” Ben corrects him, smiling gently at him. Callum treasures each smile he gets from Ben. Not the brash smirks or the gaudy grins of false flashes of teeth, but the real smiles. They’re small, barely there, and he always looks so shy, head tilted down as if afraid to let anyone see a real Ben Mitchell smile.

Callum loves them.

He swallows and leans forward, kissing Ben on the cheek, there is no ulterior motive, he just wants to feel his warm skin beneath his lips and silently thank him for letting him see a real smile. He doesn’t think he’s imagining the soft glow on Ben’s face when he looks at him again.

“I have to go,” he tells him quietly, “text me?”

Ben doesn’t reply but catches Callum’s hand as he stands up and kisses his palm before watching him leave the car lot. 

Ben is a drug and Callum is an addict. He’s gotten his fix for now, but he knows it won’t’ be long before he’s back, looking for another hit.


	12. Chapter 12

Callum feels like a new man when he returns to work. He’s still tired, but he feels lighter, more upbeat and positive. He even hums a little as he cleans some of the newest urns that arrived in. Jay mutters something about Kathy's 'magic coffee' and Callum just grins at him in return.

He has mixed emotions returning to the flat. On one hand he feels guilty about what’s been going on between himself and Ben, but on the other he feels better able to face life in the flat. He meant what he'd told Ben though, he doesn't regret what's happened between them. He tries to argue with himself that it’s better for Whit to have a fiancée who’s happy and able to love her, than one who’s true to her but a nervous wreck and shuddering at her touch. 

A derisive snort that sounds very much like Ben echoes in his head at this rationalising.

When he comes through the door, the seating boards are out again and post-it notes litter ever available surface. Whitney frowns at a board, a little wrinkle in her forehead that looks quite adorable.

“What’s all this then?” he asks her good naturedly, “I thought you’d sorted this already.”

Whitney turns and gives him a bright smile, “glad you’re back. I’m not sure about some of these tables. I’m trying to keep your brother far enough away from Mick and Linda but still include him in the wedding party. I was going to have him sitting near B and Liam, but I’m not so sure that’s a good idea. What do you think?”

“Er,” he looks blankly at the board and shifts from foot to foot, “I don’t know really. I’m sure whatever you decide will be fine.”

Whitney sighs loudly and rolls her eyes, “I should have known better than to ask you. I swear Callum, sometimes I wonder if you’re interested in getting married at all.”

“What?” he stands at her back and rubs her tense shoulders, looking unseeingly at the post-it notes on the board. They still mean nothing to him. “Why are you getting so worked up? If it makes things easier, I’ll tell Stu he can’t come.”

“No,” Whit turns and wraps her arms around him, resting her head against his chest, “you can’t do that. Stuart’s making an effort and I’ve seen the two of you talking more together. He deserves to be there. Besides he got me my dream wedding dress.” She smiles up at him and takes a step back.

“I’m sorry, I know this isn’t really you’re thing, I just wanted your opinion. Sometimes I feel like you’re just not bothered at all Callum,” she admits, big eyes looking up at him and he feels that horrible sting of guilt and uselessness prickle beneath his ribs.

“I’m sorry,” he tells her, “you’re right. I, uh, I think Stu will be fine with Bianca. He’s not going to want to cause trouble the day I get married anyway.”

“Thank you,” she kisses his mouth briefly and turns back to the board, adjusting some of the yellow and pink sticky notes again. “I just want things to be just right. I want a proper wedding in front of all our families and friends. I don’t want any drama. Weddings around here have a habit of ending in disaster, but with the amount of planning I’m putting into this, it won’t have a chance to be anything other than perfect.”

“You’ve put so much work into this,” Callum tells her, thinking of all she’s done, all the effort she’s put in, “you deserve a perfect wedding, Whit.” He kisses the top of her head, knowing she's earned nothing less. 

“So, how are you feeling now? Any better?”

“Oh, you know,” he moves around the room, loosening his tie and taking off his jacket, “a bit better, but my stomach is a bit unsettled. I think I might be coming down with something after all.”

“My poor baby,” Whitney coos at him, “if you’re not feeling better in the morning, you should go to the doctor.”

“Yeah, yeah, I thought I would anyway, y’know, just to be safe.”

“Okay then, I guess it’s a light dinner, some telly and bed.”

“Yeah,” Callum clears his throat nervously, “I’m really tired. Feel like I could sleep for a week.”

“You can go straight to bed after dinner if you want?”

“Maybe,” he murmurs.

Whitney goes to the cupboards, rummaging through pans and soups and Callum sinks into the sofa, eyes closed and breathing deeply through his mouth. 

During dinner he notices, every so often, Whitney’s eyes light on him nervously as she twirls her food around her fork. He waits her out until, after a good few minutes, she clears her throat and looks at him expectantly.

He feels a moment’s panic locked in her gaze. Is she waiting for him to do something? Has he forgotten something important? It’s not her birthday, is it? “Dinner’s lovely,” he blurts out and she chuckles lightly. 

“Glad you’re enjoying it, but there’s actually something I wanted to talk to you about.”

“Oh?” Callum tries to remain casual but fumbles with the knife until it lands with a clang against his plate.

“It’s about the wedding,” she pushes her plate away and focuses her attention on Callum. “It’s just an idea, we don’t have to, but I thought it might be nice.”

“What?” he suddenly has visions of himself dressed in a khaki and neon purple suit.

“I just thought, maybe we should... _wait_ until the wedding night?”

“Wait?” he repeats a little dumbfounded not quite following as quickly as he should.

“Yeah, it’s tradition. I mean, the wedding is not too far off now and, I dunno, I just thought it might be romantic.”

She looks hopefully at him and Callum feels a bit like a beached fish, mouth opening and closing, not sure how to reply.

“We don’t have to,” she quickly tells him when he doesn’t immediately reply. “It was just an idea. Thought it might make our wedding night extra special, is all.”

“Er,” he clears his throat, “er, yeah, yeah. That’s, that’s fine with me. If that’s what you want, that’s what we’ll do.”

A big smile rises on her face, “Really? You don’t mind? Callum!” She leaves her chair and hugs him tightly, laughing delightedly. “You really are a prince among men, you know that?”

She pulls back and kisses his cheek. “And just because we’re not sleeping tougher, doesn’t mean we can’t still kiss and cuddle together. Ooh, I’ll have to get something special for the wedding night!”

Her eyebrows waggle and she continues to grin at him. “What’s your favourite colour?”

“Blue,” it comes out unbidden, without him even thinking about it. He’s never really had a favourite colour. Not until Ben. Now, blue in a multitude of shades haunt his dreams; bright and sparkling under the sun, or dark, deep and alluring like a winter sky. 

“Blue. I’ll have to remember that!” She kisses him deeply, arms locked tightly around his neck and rocking gently in his lap.

“Steady on,” he laughs as he catches his breath, “I thought you wanted to wait until the wedding night?”

She groans dramatically, “I don’t know if I’ll be able to wait that long. You’re too much of a temptation, Callum Highway.”

“In that case, think I’ll go out for a run,” he smacks the side of her leg playfully until she moves off him.

“You sure you’re feeling up for it?” Whitney frowns at him.

“Yeah, I think the fresh air will do me good,” he smiles reassuringly at her and heads into the bedroom to get changed into his jogging gear.

“Alright then, but don’t be too long. Nights are dropping, don’t want you out late. You never know what lunatics are running about.”

“I won’t be long,” he kisses her cheek and leaves, doing a quick warm up at the bottom of the stairs before starting off. 

He likes the beat of hitting the pavement beneath his feet, the increasing pulse rate and prickling sensation of warmth and heat rising to the surface of his skin. He likes to lose himself to the running and forget about what’s going on at home. 

Whit is amazing and she’s working so hard on creating a fantastic wedding for the two of them. She deserves to be treated like a princess for the day. Subconsciously, he runs past the car lot and notes it’s in darkness; he jogs through the park, around the square and past the arches. The buttery light leaking beneath the door makes him hesitate. He looks around him, dusk is falling quickly and nobody is around. 

Before he can second guess himself, he reaches for the handle. It refuses to budge and from inside he hears and irritated voice.

“We’re closed!”

“Ben?” he calls out in a loud whisper.

The screech of the lock is his only warning before the door disappears and Ben stands before him, smirking and eyes twinkling in devilment. 

“Well, well, well, someone’s keen. Didn't even have to text ya.”

Callum brushes past him into the arches, eager to be out of public sight. Ben looks him up and down, slowly taking in the damp running gear. “Pre-heated and everything. What a lucky boy I am.”

“I saw the light on,” it’s the only explanation he can come up with and Ben chuckles deeply, shaking his head.

“And what? You thought I was sitting around here hoping you’d show up? I do have an actual business to run y’know?”

“Fine,” Callum walks past him again, “didn’t mean to interrupt you.”

“Wait,” Ben grabs his arm and hauls him back, “I’m teasing. Honestly, I could use a distraction from some of those numbers.” He pushes forward and kisses Callum, demanding and controlling, as only Ben can be. Callum reciprocates and gives him everything he’s got until they’re both breathless and dazed when they pull apart. He knows he’s got a dopey grin on his face and Ben’s not much better, he’s just as flushed. 

“This better not be a warm up to get you ready for your missus back at the flat,” Ben’s tone is mocking but his eyes hold an edge of danger and warning in them. 

“Don’t be stupid,” Callum replies, pulling Ben closer and resting his head on top of his. “I don’t want to talk about that with you.”

“Hadn’t a problem talking about it earlier. Got yourself in a right state.”

“Well, that’s not going to be a problem anymore, alright? Nothing for you to worry about.”

Ben takes a step back and frowns at him in suspicion. “What are you talking about?”

Callum looks away guiltily; he shouldn’t be discussing this with Ben. It feels wrong, even more of a betrayal than what he’s already been doing with Ben.

“Callum?” Ben sighs and shakes his head. “Fine, look it’s late, I need to finish up here and I’m sure you must be out past your curfew by now.”

Callum knows a dismissal when he hears one, and he’s sick of lying to everyone. Ben’s the only one in the square he’s been able to be honest with. He doesn’t really want to start lying to him now. “Look I just, I just dunno if I should be talking about this to ya.”

“You can be honest with me, Callum. I thought that’s what you wanted.”

“It is, I do.”

Ben shakes his head, more at himself than at Callum and takes a step closer to him. “It’s up to you, alright? You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t wanno.”

“Whitney wants to hold off until the wedding night,” he admits, crossing his arms and tightening his fingers on his biceps.

“Huh,” Ben makes a face, not quite surprised, not quite thoughtful, but something in between. Callum can practically see him mulling it over in his mind. He watches as Ben sidles over to the lit desk and perches on the corner. He waits for some sort of reaction, but gets nothing more. He looks at the mechanic askance. 

“Is that is then? _‘Huh?’_ ” Callum asks him in frustration.

“What do you want me to say Callum?”

“I dunno, ‘that’s great, Callum.’ ‘Good to know,’ I dunno Ben, but something!”

“You want me to say, ‘that’s great, Callum?’” Ben replies slowly, his mouth pursing tightly. 

“I thought you’d be happy.”

“Happy? And why would I be happy?”

“Cos...” he trails off helplessly, “cos, I won’t be coming around having mental breakdowns in front of you in the middle of the day anymore.”

Ben pinches the bridge of his nose and laughs disbelievingly. “Oh, this is just so.... _fucked_ up.” He studies Callum for a moment, his defensive posture and upset face. Ben gets up and moves closer towards him. “I’m happy for you, Callum. I’m glad you don’t have to go home every night and worry yourself sick about having to sleep with Whitney. I am. I promise ya.”

Callum is caught in his gaze, blue eyes burning like fire, brighter and more powerful the closer they come towards him.

“But I’m also pissed.”

“What?” Callum barely manages to choke out.

“Because I know you. I _see_ you. You’re going to ignore the fact that in a few weeks you’re going to be getting married to that woman. That you’re going to have to sleep with her, and not just once Callum. For the rest of your life. This doesn’t change things.”

Callum looks down as Ben grasps his hand and squeezes. “You’re going to ignore what’s going to happen and you’re going to come around here, all innocent and googly eyed and I’m not gonna refuse you. So yeah, I’m happy for you Callum, but I’m also pissed, because you’re not gonna confront the situation until you have to and by then, it’s going to be too late.”

Callum stares at him, wide eyed and lips parted. They’re nearly nose to nose and he doesn’t bother arguing or disputing what Ben says. Instead, he pulls him close, determined to distract his racing mind and Ben’s from the truth. 

They have a few weeks, he’ll take it. Ben responds enthusiastically, as usual, and Callum tries to bury the voice in the back of his mind letting him know that Ben isn’t fooled and neither is he.


	13. Chapter 13

The sun is shining brightly. Sumer has arrived and is making her presence known in the slowly melting tarmac and the relentless heat bouncing off concrete and glass. It’s not exactly the weather to be out in a full black suit, but it’s part and parcel of the life of an undertaker.

Callum sighs in relief when he takes refuge in the Minute Mart, from the uncomfortable sun beating down on his back and neck. He’d been paranoid during Mr Dalton’s funeral that the sun was melting the gel in his hair into a slick puddle that would slowly slide down his face. He’d run his hands through the strands a few times, just to make sure nothing was moving from where it should be. 

He pays Honey for the water he’d promised Jay he’d pick up before he returned to the office, and braces himself to make the short dash to the undertakers. Just as he steps out, his gaze sweeps the square around him and he stumbles as he spies Ben briefly before he disappears among the crowd.

He’d texted Ben earlier in the morning to see if he was free to meet up after close of business. But he’d been disappointed when Ben had texted him back to say he wasn’t able to because something had come up. It had left Callum restless, and unable to concentrate on his paperwork before the service. 

It amazes and scares him how quickly Ben has become an essential part of his day. Since they’d reached an understanding, Ben had appeared every time he’d texted him. He’d tried as hard as he could to go to Ben when he called, but having a fiancée hindered that want sometimes. This was the first time Ben had refused. The text was simple; Ben was busy, no big deal. Still, it makes him...sad. 

He’d attended the service, determined to be as professional as ever, and he was. He’s knocked out of his musings by Kat barrelling into him as she rushes past. “Oi, watch it, Lurch!” she calls over her shoulder and he raises a hand in apology. 

Further away, he hears Ben’s chuckle, deep, rich and happy. Like a magnet, it draws Callum to him, feet following where Ben disappears towards the park. He’s a little concerned he could be accused of stalking, but the truth is if Ben is nearby, Callum needs to see him. That thought should concern him more than it does. Right now, he’d just like to see him, speak to him. 

He hasn’t seen him in two days, and even that was just in the Vic. A nod of acknowledgement, a smirk from Ben accompanied by a cheeky wink, while Callum tried his best not to let his gaze drift too often to the handsome mechanic as Mick kept complaining about the latest brewery mix-up. It’s been longer since he’s been able to talk to him properly, touch him, kiss him, hold him.

He stops at the entrance of the park and sees Ben laughing and teasing Lexi beneath a shaded tree. He shouldn’t intrude. Ben had said he couldn’t meet him, that something had come up. Callum should respect that and just leave. He resolves to do just that when he suddenly catches Ben’s eye and he sees the soft smile and raised eyebrow aimed at him. 

Callum feels his face flushing at being caught. Ben laughs, lowers his head to speak to Lexi and waves Callum over.

He glances around, tugging on his jacket self-consciously and walks towards the pair sitting at the picnic table. 

“Alright?” he greets them nervously.

“Well, well, look what we have here, Lexi. A regular man in black.” Ben grins, and Lexi giggles at her Dad being silly.

“Hello, Lexi,” Callum smiles at the blonde girl, who returns the smile but remains resolutely silent. 

Lexi’s gaze slides to her father.

“Aren’t ya going to answer, darling?”

“You told me not to speak to strangers, Daddy.”

Ben’s head falls back as he lets out a laugh, “yeah, alright. Let’s remedy that, shall we?” he grins at his daughter.

Two pairs of matching blue eyes turn on Callum and he feels pinned by them both. Lexi is going to be a heartbreaker when she grows up. Just like her Dad.

“Lexi, this is Callum. He’s...a friend of mine,” Ben’s tongue peeks out cheekily as he winks and Callum frowns at him. “Callum, may I present to you Princess Lexi, current reigning monarch of the Square of Albert, Walford!” Ben finishes with a wild flourish and Callum can’t help but grin at the pair of them. 

Lexi holds out her hand expectantly and Callum crouches down to her level, enveloping her tiny hand in his much larger one. “Nice to meet ya, Lexi, sorry, your majesty,” he smiles at her and she stares up at him, head tilted.

“See,” Ben pokes her playfully in the ribs, “you ain’t strangers now.”

She squirms away from her father’s prodding fingers, giggling but still smiling up at Callum. “You’re tall,” Lexi squints up at him. Her eyes light up suddenly and she bounces in her seat, “Can you help Daddy paint my ceiling pink?” she says excitedly, “Daddy says it’s too high for him, but you could reach!”

“Hey!” Ben interrupts her, “I'm taller than you! And that’s not how we speak to people, where were you raised, in a barn?” 

He tickles her and she squeals with laughter, leaning forward and grabbing hold of Callum’s arm to steady herself and stop herself from tumbling to the ground. Her peals of laughter turn to little bubbles when Ben relents and lets her catch her breath. Pushing her hair back from her face, she straightens up, but still holds on to Callum.

“Can I go on the slide, Daddy?” she asks, turning big, blue eyes on him. 

“Of course you can, princess,” Ben smiles indulgently at her and her grin widens as she jumps up and runs off to the slide.

Callum stands up awkwardly at his side, until Ben sends him a curious look. “Fancy meeting you here, Mr Highway.”

“I was just passing,” he tries to reply casually, and hopes he pass off the flush he feels rising on the summer heat.

“Hmm,” Ben replies and slaps the seat beside me, “fancy taking a load off? You must be warmer than a conman in a cathedral in that getup.”

“Yeah,” Callum replies eagerly, and sits down, leg pressing against Ben’s under the table. He takes off his jacket, wanting to take full advantage of the little coolness the shade of the tree provides. 

Ben’s head ducks down and he side eyes Callum. “About earlier. Didn’t mean to leave you high and dry, but I’ve Lexi for the day. Daddy duty, y’know?”

“Don’t apologise,” Callum reassures him, “Lexi should always come first.” 

“Yeah,” Ben pulls at an ear in nervousness, “would have asked you to join us, but didn’t really think it’d be your thing.”

“What?” Callum’s grin widens, “I love kids. She’s precious.”

Ben’s mouth twitches in amusement. “Yeah? You should take her for twenty four hours; ya might change your mind.”

Callum laughs, “You don’t mean that.”

“Nah,” Ben agrees, “she’s pretty great. But then again, how could she not be, look at her Dad?” Ben grins cockily at him, and if it were possible to sit with swagger, Ben would be giving a master class in it.

Callum lets his hand drop down beside where Ben’s resting on the bench and hooks his pinky finger around Ben’s. Ben looks surprised, but then pleased, and tightens his finger around Callum’s.

“I can’t stay long,” Callum hushed tone tells him, “just wanted to see ya. I miss ya.”

Ben seems genuinely delighted and smug, “oh yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Daddy!” Lexi calls, “Daddy, l want to go on the see saw!”

Ben sighs dramatically and looks over at his daughter. “Come on then,” he starts to get up and elbows Callum in the ribs.

“What?” Callum watches him not understanding.

“You heard her; she wants to go on the seesaw.”

“I’d send her flying.”

Ben shakes his head, fondly. “No, you muppet. I’ll go on one end with her and you go on the other.”

“Oh,” Callum would normally feel like a wally, but it's hard to when Ben is looking at him with affection. 

“It’s a good thing you’re good looking,” he looks like he wants to lean forward and kiss him, but he doesn’t do anything. It doesn’t stop the heat burning in his eyes, or Callum’s reaction.

“Daddy!”

“Alright!” Ben calls out to her, “come on, Callum, her highness is making demands.”

Callum grins and follows him, finding himself enjoying the seesaw more than he thought possible.

Lexi holds her hands out as Ben keeps a good hold on her. She grins brightly, hair shining like spun gold in the sunshine. “Look Daddy!” She exclaims, “I’m flying like the bees. I’m the queen bee!”

“You better make sure you don’t sting your old dad then,” he tells her slowing down until they’re stopped. 

“I really have to get back,” Callum tells the pair reluctantly. Lexi skips over to him and tugs his hand. 

“Thank you for playing with me and Dad,” she smiles at him. “You can play with us again sometime.”

Callum grins at her, “it would be an honour your majesty.” He winks at her and she giggles. Fishing a five pound note out of his pocket, he crouches down and gives it to her. “It’s really hot out and you’ve been such a good princess. I think you deserve an ice-cream. What do ya think?” she nods enthusiastically at him, “and maybe Dad too?”

She scrunches her nose up, “maybe,” she whispers conspiratorially. 

“What’ve ya got there, Lex?” Ben asks his daughter. She turns big eyes on him, solemn and earnest. 

“Callum said I can get an ice-cream.”

“Oh, did he now?” Ben pins Callum with his gaze and he begins to squirm a little uncomfortably, before Ben smirks at him. “Well, I suppose if Callum thinks you deserve one, you probably do.” She bounces delightedly, heading straight for the kiosk, hopping and jumping just ahead of them.

“You don’t have to do that you know,” Ben tells Callum quietly.

“I know,” Callum reassures him, “I wanted to.”

Ben shakes his head and huffs at him, “you’ll spoil her. She’ll think your an ATM every time she sees ya, if you’re not careful.”

Callum shrugs, “it’s just an ice-cream. Not like I see her every day anyway.”

Ben’s step hesitates and he frowns to himself, “no, I guess not.” Callum doesn’t know why, but he senses the easy going atmosphere has definitely changed. It feels a little more awkward, Ben seems annoyed or irritated by something all of a sudden. He wishes he knew what to say to recapture the relaxed atmosphere of a few moments ago. But he has to get back. He gathers his jacket and, no doubt warm, water from the bench.

“I, uh, I’ll just go then.”

Ben shakes himself out of whatever momentary mood he’d found himself in and grasps Callum’s arm. “Thank you,” he tells him sincerely. “You’re great with her, and...I missed you too.” He squeezes Callum’s arm briefly, before quickly catching up with his daughter and calling out to her before Callum can reply. The taller man watches the pair for a moment, a happy smile growing across his face as he heads back to work.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back to work next week and I've had lots on the last few weeks, so I apologise if updates are a bit sporadic. I honestly thought I'd have this finished long before now. It's mostly all written, but there are a few chapters still to be typed up and finished. This is a Ben chapter, hope you enjoy :)

He’s trying his best to hold his temper, to keep from lashing out. He really is, but he can feel that particular inner demon rising and clouding his mind. His father handing the Arches over to Shirley is a step too far. She’s not exactly his biggest fan at the best of times. With good reason, true, but he still shouldn’t have her shoved in his face every day.

The door bangs behind him, rattling the blinds and summoning Sharon like a genie from a lamp.

“Ben? What’s got you in a mood?”

“Is he in?” he snaps, pacing to try and deal with the excess energy coursing through his body.

“No,” she replies coolly, “he’s out.”

“Right,” Ben growls back at her, “I need to talk to him, he can’t do this!”

“He finally told you then?”

He can’t even answer her, just sends her a dark look and she sighs. “I know it’s difficult, Ben, but your Dad’s trying to do what’s best for everyone.”

Ben looks at her in complete confusion. “You what?” if there was one thing he and Sharon could agree on, it was keeping Shirley as far away from Phil as possible.

“You have the Arches, and you’re making a real go of it. Your Dad wants you to be your own man.”

Ben stills suddenly, face going blank with alarm bells blaring in the back of his head. Sharon’s not talking about Shirley; she’s talking about something else, something that has a steady wave of dread rolling through him.

Sharon continues on, oblivious to Ben’s sudden change. She smiles sympathetically at him. “I know it’s difficult, Ben, but Keanu needs the inheritance. How else is Louise going to have a good life, eh?” 

It feels like there are ashes in his mouth, rotting and dry, and he clears his throat, looking away from her, unable to meet her eyes. 

Sharon moves closer to him, her overly sweet perfume enveloping him and it takes everything in him not to move away from her. “Don’t be hard on your Dad. He thinks you’re more than able to look out for yourself and make a success out of the Arches. Show him he’s not wrong, yeah?”

“Uh, yeah, yeah.”

She squeezes his arm and grabs her bag. “Good. I have to get over to the E20. I’ll tell your Dad you called.” She ushers him out the door and he’s shocked and numbed enough to let her. 

He wanders around, not quite sure where he’s going. Sharon and her big mouth had let out his Dad’s big secret. 

Replaced in the will by Keanu. He might laugh if he wasn’t so enraged. That gorilla manages to get the Mitchell princess pregnant, while she’s still at school, and instead of running from the wrath of Phil Mitchell, he gets pride of place in his father’s will? And what does he get, eh? A cold shoulder and being ignored by his father as his final act. 

And he’s not stupid enough to think Lexi will get a look in. His first grandchild; she should be the apple of her grandad’s eye, instead she’s treated like dirt, because she’s Ben’s child. 

He’s so mad he just wants to hit something, to destroy something. How could he do that? How could he treat his child like that? His entire being revolts at the mere idea of doing something so cruel and unfeeling to Lexi. But not Phil Mitchell. No, he has no qualms about disinheriting his son and letting the world know. Was he ever going to tell him or was he leaving it as one final sick joke when he left the square once and for all?

It’s just another stick on the pile of shit that is his life. He’s been so distracted with Callum that he’d let the reason he’d returned to Walford fade into the background of his life. 

He needs to take out his frustration on someone, something. He finds himself in front of a tree in the park, hidden from view, and pounds it relentlessly with his fists. The burning pain shooting up his arm helps relieve some of his annoyance. He pants with the effort and growls as the bark scrapes his knuckles and tears his skin. He continues until he’s exhausted, slumped against the strong trunk, able to bear his weight. He wants to cry. His hands are numb and shaking, streaked with red and bits of brown. He’s undoubtedly got splinters, but finds it hard to care about that right now. He just wants everything to stop being so shit.

He finds his way back to his house, thankfully empty. On autopilot he washes his hands under the tap, the pink water swirling down the drain. The cold water, while at first painful, has numbed all feeling in his hands and his mind seems similarly unfeeling. It feels like he’s in the eye of the storm, unable to feel or think of anything. In the back of his mind the small shoots of frustration and anger twirl and shift, trying to make themselves known and he squeezes his eyes tightly shut, breathing hard to halt them. 

Without him even realising, he picks up his phone and hears the ringing. Callum’s voice greets him after the second ring. 

“Hello?”

He opens his mouth to speak but finds words difficult.

“Hello? You somewhere with bad reception?” 

Ben can hear the sounds of people behind him, people getting on with their everyday live. People whose father didn’t treat them like dirt.

“House is free, can you come ‘round?” his grateful he’s able to get the words out, even if they sound strangled to his own ears.

There’s a pause on the other end, “you alright?”

“You coming round or not?” the words are pulled from between his teeth with a harsh snap.

“Er, I’m, uh, having lunch with Whit.”

“Who is it, babe?”

“It’s, it’s a mate, babe.” Callum’s voice is muffled like he’s trying to stop Ben from hearing how he tries to fumble his way through the lies he tells to his unsuspecting fiancée.

Ben snorts derisively. “Forget it,” he spits.

“Wait, I-”

Ben hangs up on him and slouches down onto the couch. What was he thinking, calling Callum? This ain’t his mess; it’s got nothing to do with him. Callum’s not his boyfriend, and he needs to remember that. 

He’s just another mess he can’t seem to escape from. One that he doesn’t really want to escape from. He’d made a mistake the other day though. 

He’d never intended to introduce Callum to Lexi, wanting to keep those two parts of his life separate. But then he’d appeared, like a wish fulfilled, at the park and Ben couldn’t help himself. It had been too long since he’d really seen him or spoken to him. Seeing him in passing in the Vic or walking through the square with Whit hanging off him didn’t count. It was too tempting, spending time with two of the people he cares most about. 

Like a fool, he’d lost himself in the moment, playing with Lexi and Callum, enjoying the sun and excitement of his little girl. It had only lasted less than half an hour but it was one of the best times he’s shared with Callum. Of course he’d quickly been brought back down to earth with the reminder that Lexi and Callum weren’t meant to get to know each other.

It was dangerous to let Lexi get used to him. When she’d suggested Callum help paint her ceiling, he’d been on the verge of suggesting it himself before the undertaker left. Thankfully, Callum’s reminder that he doesn’t really see or know Lexi stopped him. It was bad enough introducing Lexi to Callum, allowing them to interact more often was a terrible idea. Lexi could get attached to him, grow to care for him; Lord knows he was easy to care about, and when it all ends in tears, Lexi would be heartbroken. 

It’s pathetic, is what it is. Maybe Phil wasn’t far off. But, Christ, _disinherited_ , it hurts more than he thought anything possibly could.

There’s banging on the back door, but he ignores it. He’s not exactly in a hosting mood, with the way he’s feeling he’s likely to do something to end with him in the nick again. The banging returns but he squeezes his eyes tightly shut until it disappears. Silence indulges him in his morbid thoughts, thoughts that are slowly turning more sinister. Keanu or Phil? Which is the more deserving of his vengeance?

“You should really learn to lock your door.”

Ben’s heart jumps in surprise but he quickly gets it under control, even as he feels the muscle jump beneath his eye. He can feel his lips moving into a cruel smirk, although he won’t look in Callum’s direction.

“Thought you were having a romantic lunch with the future Mrs. Highway.”

“You sounded upset.” Callum moves into his vision, ignoring Ben’s jibes. He looks up at him and sees the concern shining back at him. 

“Ben, what’s happened?”

Ben lets out a harsh laugh, and Callum sits beside him, not touching him, but close enough to be a reassuring presence. “Phil Mitchell, that’s what’s happened. _Every_ time. When I think he’s done all he can do to me, he always manages to come up with something worse!” Ben clasps his shaking hands in front of his face. He can feel himself getting worked up again; anger and hurt fighting for dominance. “As if it wasn’t bad enough he’s got Shirley at the Arches, he goes and...” his mouth clenches shut and he stares a hole through the carpet.

“What’s he done?” Callum’s voice is calm and comforting and it unsettles Ben that Callum seems more in control in Ben’s house than Ben does.

He tenses his jaw, and works it forward and back. He flexes his fingers and growls out. “He’s done something I couldn’t imagine _ever_ doing to Lexi.” He feels his eyes burning and his lips pull back into a snarl. Callum lays a hand on his arm and squeezes, grounding him. It’s enough to help him regain control. 

“He’s taken me out of his will,” he admits, words tight and voice shaky. “He’s giving _my_ inheritance to Keanu. And he couldn’t even tell me himself! It was Sharon who let it slip thinking he’d actually told me. Can you believe that?”

He looks at Callum, who shakes his head and shifts fractionally closer to him. “I don’t know what to say, Ben. That’s, that’s terrible.”

“There’s nothing to say Callum. My father’s giving away my inheritance to some bloke who got his daughter pregnant to make sure she gets to keep living the high life. Just in case her own inheritance ain’t enough! Meanwhile, yours truly gets jack squat!” He takes a steadying breath, all energy deserting him. “It ain’t even about the money,” he admits. “Not really.” 

He can feel the wetness on his cheeks, and how he’s rocking himself forwards and backwards, if only it actually helped.

“Of course it ain’t about the money! Your Dad’s an idiot if he can’t see how amazing you are.”

Ben sobs, “Why aren’t I good enough?”

Immediately, he feels arms wrap around him as Callum pulls him closer to his chest, letting him cry it out as he tries to soothe him.

“You’re _more_ than good enough,” Callum murmurs softly into his hair. “ _He's_ the one that ain't good enough. You’re amazing, Ben. You’re funny and kind, you’re so smart and clever. You’re a wonderful Dad and you’d do anything to protect the people you love. If Phil can’t see that, then, he don’t deserve to be your father.”

Ben’s breathing begins to even out and he relaxes into Callum’s embrace. His hands grasp handfuls of his shirt but he can’t make himself let go. He doesn’t want to move a muscle.

“Just because he got your Mum pregnant, don’t mean he’s your Dad. Someone clever once told me something like that.”

Ben feels a smile spread across his face. “Yeah? Sounds like someone talking out of his arse to me.”

“Well I _am_ rather fond of his arse.”

Ben guffaws a laugh and pushes back to look at Callum in the face. “That was a terrible joke.”

“Yeah?” Callum grins at him, “got you smiling again though didn’t it?”

Ben smiles fondly at him and kisses him gently on the lips. He looks shyly up at Callum, already feeling calmer just by being with him. “Thank you, it means a lot. Getting that off my chest.”

“You don't need him, Ben," Callum traces his face lovingly and then rolls his eyes, "I know, I'm hardly one to talk, but you really don't need him. You're Ben Mitchell!"

Ben feels warmth pooling in his stomach, it's a dangerous feeling, and he knows how easily it would be to fall in love with Callum. No wonder Whitney is mad to marry him.

"I only wish I could’ve come before you decided to be Rocky Balboa,” Callum looks disapprovingly down at Ben’s still red raw hands.

“Ah,” he clears his throat, “well, I got into a fight with a tree. I think the tree won.”

“You washed them properly? With disinfectant, and made sure there’s no grit or dirt anywhere.”

“Yes, mother, don’t worry.”

Callum frowns, tracing each digit and palm with a gentle caress. He’s always been fascinated with Ben’s hands and it amuses Ben to no end.

“I wish you wouldn’t hurt yourself,” he tells him quietly. 

Ben raises an eyebrow, “Is this the part where I accuse the pot of calling the kettle black?”

“I hate seeing you hurt.” Callum’s eyebrows scrunch up and he hums as he finishes his inspection.

“How do you do it?” Ben wonders aloud, studying Callum’s face.

“Do what?”

“How do you just know how to calm me down like that?”

“It’s my superpower,” Callum shrugs, “Superman can fly, Flash can run with superspeed Thor has his hammer, and I get to calm down hot headed mechanics before they do something stupid, like say, fight a tree?” Callum’s grin stretches across his face, lighting up his eyes and Ben smiles softly at him.

“Knew you were a comic book nerd. Bet you had a poster of Chris Hemsworth hanging over your bed at night. Him and his _hammer_.”

Callum laughs and colours, before they settle back down into companionable silence, Ben relishing every moment he can spend wrapped up in Callum’s arms. 

“I wish there was something I could do to make it better, Ben,” Callum tells him quietly.

“You do,” Ben whispers leaning forward and brushing his mouth against Callum’s. Callum grasps his waist and pulls his down further on top of him. “But you can always try to help me forget,” he murmurs. 

Callum accepts the challenge and wins.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, being back at work pushed this update way back! I don't expect it to take as long for the next update. I hope you enjoy it :)

The sun shines through the window as Ben draws back the curtains and he grimaces at the brightness. He likes summer as well as the next bloke – a great time to check out the latest six packs running about – but sometimes it’s too bright too early. It doesn’t help that the Arches is full of Shirley’s smug and disapproving face, and Keanu’s doe-eyed gaze. There’s still a sharp sting in his chest whenever he’s reminded of how he’s been demoted by his father.

A flash of black catches his attention and Ben’s eyes track them like a lion tracking a gazelle. They look like the perfect couple; arms wrapped around each other, easy smiles while they chat and laugh with each other. Objectively, Ben could admit they make a cute couple. Callum, tall and dark, well built and looking stunning in his work suit; Whitney, perfectly made up, bright and colourful in all the right ways. Even her shorter stature works for them. But when Callum leans forward and bends down to kiss her goodbye, it makes his blood boil. 

How come the heteros always put on sickeningly displays of PDA and nobody even notices, but two gay men’s hands brush, and there’s a more than even chance someone could end up in the hospital? Whit and Callum have been laying it on thick as the wedding has drawn closer. He’d swear every time he steps foot outside his front door he’s confronted by Whitney smiling soppily up at her fiancée or Callum walking by her side like a loyal puppy. There’s a small, nearly insignificant, part that feels something like sympathy for Whitney. The poor mare has no idea her would-be husband is sighing Ben’s name and happily jumping his bones on a near daily basis. 

Although, sometimes he wonders; after all what man, straight or otherwise, would happily put a hold on the physical relationship with their fiancée for at least a month before the wedding? It’s clear to Ben how more relaxed Callum has been in the past few weeks; surely Whit has noticed it too?

It genuinely warms his heart that Callum has been happier and smiling more in the past few weeks than he has in all the time he’s known him. But then he sees Whitney squeeze his hand or kiss him on the lips and that voice that he tries so hard to ignore, rails against her. Wants nothing more than to yell at her to back off and drag Callum back to his.

He knows it’s not rational, knows he should shut down those dangerous emotions, because nothing but chaos and madness lies in acknowledging them, or worse, indulging them. But he can’t help it. With a sharp pang of longing, he admits the truth. He wants that. He wants to be able to walk freely with Callum in public; to have their hands brush casually, or kiss him without worrying about who could see them. Even if it was just for one night. 

Callum disappears from view and an idea jumps to Ben’s mind that has him smirking and racing to get dressed. 

In a few, short minutes he’s walking through the doors of the undertakers, plan firmly in place.

“Good morrow, gentlemen. How dost thou fair this fine morning?” Ben makes his entrance with a dramatic bow and Callum struggles to keep the grin under control. 

Jay rolls his eyes and shakes his head. “What are you after?”

Ben pouts, “someone got out of the wrong side of the bed today.”

“At least I knew the bed I got out of this morning,” Jay mutters, his attention returning to the mess that is his desk.

Ben clasps his hands over his heart and gasps dramatically. “You wound me, Jay. D’you hear that Callum? My own brother slut shaming me!”

“It’s a bit harsh, Jay,” Callum defends Ben. 

“We’re working here, Ben. Something you should be doing yourself, so spit it out. What are you doing here?”

“I have a motor I’m selling to a dealer up north. Need you to drive me and the car up there.”

“And what,” Jay starts, but sighs and rolls his eyes as he looks down at Ben’s hands.  
“What happened this time?”

Ben shrugs, “you should see the other bloke.” Neither Jay nor Callum look impressed. “Ok, I admit, it may not have been a smart move, but I have a business to run and I’m asking you for help.”

“No,” Jay's answer is quick and definite.

“Aw, come on, Jay. It’s all on the up and up, I promise. You’d be doing me a favour.”

Jay’s head tilts in disapproval, “the last time I helped you out like that you abandoned me in the middle of nowhere while you headed off with some bloke you’d just met.”

“Ah, but,” Ben’s finger is pointing at Jay, “in my defence, he was hot and a yoga instructor!” he shoots a grin at Callum and waggles his eyebrows. “He was very bendy.”

“I really don’t need to hear this,” Callum replies, grimacing.

“Nobody does,” Jay agrees, “I learned my lesson; find some other mug to be your lackey.”

Ben rolls his eyes, “you’re no fun anymore, you know that?” He huffs out, stuffing his hands into his jacket. 

“What about Keanu? He actually works for you.”

Ben scoffs in disgust, “you mean the ape that got my baby sister pregnant? Don’t make me laugh.” He turns his gaze towards Callum and a smile crawls across his face. “What about you Highway? Help a mate out?”

“Me?” Callum blinks at him, mouth falling open. 

“Sure, why not?” Ben shrugs, “you drive that monstrous coffin carrier. I’m sure you could manage a trip up north.”

“I-I don’t know.”

“What’s the matter? Gotta check with the little woman first?” Ben’s teeth flash dangerously, and Callum swallows nervously. 

"Leave off, Ben," Jay frowns at him.

Callum looks away and sighs, “Okay, I’ll help you out.”

Jay shakes his head, “on your own head be it, Callum.”

“Don’t worry,” Ben’s voice practically purrs, “I’ll look after you.” He grins predatorily and winks at him. “Friday morning, 10am, meet me at the car lot. We’ll be back sometime Saturday.”

“Hey, have you forgotten Callum has an actual job? Got a service I need to sort out so I need him in the office on Friday.”

“I’m sure you can manage fine on your own. If there’s a funeral related emergency, they can wait until your service is over. Not like the dead are going to stop being dead, right?”

Jay pinches the bridge of his nose, “Callum, are you ok with helping this idiot out?”

Callum clears his throat, fidgeting with the papers in front of him. “Uh, yeah. You know, I don’t mind helping out. “

“Alright then. I guess I can manage on my own. Can’t see the Nicholson’s funeral lasting that long. “

“Excellent,” Ben claps his hands loudly together, just the once, and grins triumphantly around.

Ben spins on his heel and leaves, pleased with himself. That had worked out better than he’d thought. He’s so happy with himself, he’s considering humming a tune when he feels himself grabbed and turned around.

“What are you up to?” Jay demands, frowning at him.

“Me? Nothing. I told you, I wanted you to drive for me.”

“You’re up to something. That little performance you put on in there, you were practically drooling over him!”

Ben scoffs, but looks away guiltily. “You’re imagining things, Jay.”

“Am I?” Jay challenges him, “you’re not as good at covering your tracks as you like to  
think Ben.”

“Meaning?”

“Meaning, you’re always staring at Callum, _glaring_ when Whit’s around. And don’t think I haven’t noticed I haven’t been subjected to your bragging of one night stands.”

“Yeah? Well maybe I’m being a considerate brother.”

Jay sends him a deadpan look and Ben curls his fists in frustration, jaw tightening. “I’m trying to take my job and responsibilities serious, Jay. I want to be a better father for Lexi. Going out every night and sleeping around ain’t really going to help with that.”

“They’ve never exactly been a priority for you before,” Jay snaps back, but immediately looks contrite. “Look, I didn’t mean that. You’re a great dad, I’m just saying, watch yourself. Callum’s getting married. I don’t want to see you hurt.”

“Your concern is touching, Jay, truly,” he tells him sarcastically, even as his pulse thumps loudly in his ears, nearly drowning out everything else around him. He’s not as confident in his speaking and he can see it in the softening and concern in Jays face as he looks at him.

“Just, take care of yourself, yeah?”

Ben can’t reply and instead nods. He squeezes Jay in silent thanks for his concern and heads off towards the Arches.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I ended up splitting this into two, so here's the first part of their trip away, the next part should be up in a day or two :)

Callum’s head has been spinning since he agreed to go away with Ben. Ben hadn’t revealed it would be an overnight trip until after Callum had agreed, but ever since Callum has thought about nothing else.

Whit hadn’t seemed too pleased when he told her, but the wedding was still two weeks away, and it’s not like he’s really making any decisions. All he has to do is nod and agree with whatever Whitney wants. In the end she'd smiled and told him to enjoy himself, but not to have too much fun without her. He winces a little at the memory but is determined not to think about Whit or wedding on this trip. It's Ben he'll be with.

He’s enjoyed his time with Ben so much; despite what anyone might think he’s been patient and always there when Callum needs him. Callum has been an eager student, lapping up everything Ben was willing to show him. He’s eager to try more and has been thinking of things to do over the last week or so. But he's been unable to properly voice what he wants without feeling like he sounds like a complete numpty. He doesn't want Ben to think of him like that.

But this trip is an opportunity he can't pass up. It's planted the seed of an idea in the back of his mind; and over the past few days it’s grown roots and bloomed until it’s practically all he can think about. He’s just wasn’t too sure how to broach it with Ben, and now it’s Friday morning and he still hasn’t told him what he’s thinking.

Ben’s leaning against side of a car, eyes hidden behind dark glasses when he arrives at the car lot. He always manages to look so effortless and indifferent that Callum is forever envious of him. He wouldn’t even know where to start to try to look half as cool.

Callum looks nervous and Ben feels his gut tighten unpleasantly when he sees him for the first time.

“Alright?” Ben nods at him.

“Yeah, ‘course.” Callum’s smile doesn’t reach his eyes and he shifts in that way he does when he’s not being fully honest. Ben’s happy mood slips a little. Maybe this was a bad idea; he’d been looking forward to it, to spending time with Callum away from the square, to maybe act like a normal couple.

He thought Callum had felt the same. They’d met in the Arches one evening and he’d seemed excited to go away; and the text messages they’d exchanged didn’t seem to give a hint of any reluctant feelings Callum might have. If anything he’d seemed eager, something Ben had been more than happy to take advantage of. 

But maybe he’d been wrong; maybe he’d just ignored all the signs because he’d been looking forward to having Callum all to himself for once.

He feels his eyes slip to the car, unable to look at Callum at the moment, but selfish enough to not give him an out. 

“Let’s get this show on the road then, Halfway.”

He ignores how Callum hesitates before he gets behind the steering wheel. Ben stares out the window any happy feelings he may have had leaking out as the miles go by.

Callum’s fingers flex as they drive out of the city. Ben can sense the unease in Callum and it makes him angry, so angry. What has he ever done to Callum for him to hate the idea of spending the night away with him? 

He feels like such an idiot now; behaving like some lovesick teenage girl fantasising about running off with some boy band member. God it’s pathetic. He can feel his shame heat his face and he looks out the window when he sees Callum’s hands turn white as they clutch the steering wheel like it’s a lifeline.

“Take the exit after this one.”

“What? But that’s towards Oxford. Thought we were heading north?”

“Yep,” Ben glances towards Callum’s confused face, his eyebrows drawn together and a crease dissecting them. Even when Ben’s mad at him he can’t help but find him adorable. He clears his throat and looks back out the window. “Technically, we are north of London, so...” he pulls a face, one that Callum has seen a number of times before.

“You lied.”

Ben shrugs, eyes still glued to the passing scenery. “Didn’t think it was that big of a porky.”

“Ben,” Callum says hesitantly, and Ben can tell how dry is voice is, “I, uh.”

Ben turns to look at him, and wishes he hadn’t. Callum’s eyes are wide and focused ahead; his face has a sheen of sweat on it and he’s biting his lower lip anxiously.

Ben pulls his glasses off and rubs at his eyes. “Well, spit it out then. Share with the rest of the class,” He knows he sounds harsh but he wants to get it over with; whatever it is Callum wants to say. 

Callum finally takes his eyes off the motorway for a brief second and frowns when he takes in Ben’s defensive posture. “Ben? You alright?” 

Ben snorts and lets out a harsh bark of laughter. “Me? Yeah, couldn’t be better! Off to spend the night away with the man I...I’m having an affair with and he looks like he’s walking to the gallows. You?”

Callum’s mouth tightens into a harsh line and he pulls off the motorway onto the hard shoulder. The traffic continues to whizz past Callum’s shoulders as he turns to face Ben and reaches over to take one of his hands. 

“I’m sorry if I’ve been acting a bit odd.” Ben snorts, but Callum just tightens his hold on Ben’s hands, wishing he’d squeeze back, even just a little. “It ain’t cos I don’t want to spend the night with you. It’s, it’s...well it’s kind of the opposite and I wanted to talk about it with ya.”

Ben frowns not really sure what he’s getting at. “I,I was thinking, this is an opportunity we’ve never had before and I want it to be special.”

“Okay,” Ben slowly says, waiting for Callum to finish.

“Ben, you’re special, important, and I want to be with you.”

“You are with me.”

“I know, I know,” Callum stares down at their hands and lets out a self-deprecating laugh. “I mean, I want to be closer to you, Ben. Closer,” he bites his lip and his big, sapphire eyes hold Ben’s and he’s unable to look away. “I want to be as close to you as it’s possible to be.”

Ben can feel his eyebrows hit his hairline and he takes a moment to process it all. And then he grins, smiling wide and bright.

“Oh yeah?”

Callum gaze shifts from his eyes to his mouth and back again. “Yeah,” he whispers.

“Then tell me.”

“What?”

“Tell me what it is you want.”

“I did tell ya. I want you.”

“Be more specific.” 

"Ben,” he sounds frustrated and closes his eyes as he leans his head against Ben’s forehead, breathing heavily between them. “Why are you making this so difficult?”

Ben reaches out and places his hand on Callum’s neck, his thumb lightly stroking his jaw. It feels a bit awkward, the handbrake causing a greater distance than he’d like between them, but there’s no way he’s not touching him right now. “You need to be able to say it, Callum. If you really want this, tell me.”

“I want us to have sex.”

“We do have sex.”

Callum growls, “No we don’t. I want us to have proper sex, a-anal sex.”

Ben wets his dry lips and pushes back from Callum so he can see his face clearly. “You sure about this, Callum? I mean, _really_ sure?”

Callum nods before he’s even finished the first questions. “Yeah,” he breathes out, “yeah, you’ve been so good to me, Ben. You never pushed or nothing, even though I know you coulda been with someone who knows what they’re doing.” Callum’s face is bright red but Ben smiles softly at him.

“It ain’t exactly been a hardship, Callum.”

“Still, you’ve had to...wait.” Callum’s mouth tightens and he looks away, as if he’s annoyed with himself. 

Ben tilts his head up until he meets his gaze. “I think you’ll be worth the wait. Even if it’s a bit longer.”

“What?”

“If you’re doing this because you think you need to keep me interested, I-”

“No!” Callum interrupts him, eyes wide and desperate, “you got no idea how much I want this. I’ve been thinking about it for a while, now. I want to be with you properly, Ben. I-If you want to, of course.”

“If _I_ want to?” Ben squeezes Callum’s neck affectionately, letting out a dry chuckle. 

“Yeah, I mean i-is that something you like?”

Ben can’t stop smiling at Callum’s face, getting redder with each passing second, but still determinedly set. 

“Yeah, although I probably don’t do it as often as you think. Can be a bit messy for a one off with a stranger. But with _you_?” He tilts Callum’s face up and presses a gentle kiss on his cheek. “With you,” he sighs, “ Yeah. I want to.”

Callum visibly relaxes and Ben leans forward to nuzzle against him. “Thank you for caring enough to ask, but you have no idea how many fantasies I’ve had about you fucking me.” Callum frowns at Ben’s crude language, making him laugh. “Sorry, what do you want me to call it then? Intercourse, copulating, shagging, making love?” He doesn’t wait for him to answer, instead kisses him full on the mouth and feels his whole being lighten. 

“Tonight is an important milestone on the Callum Highway journey, and I will happily make it the most memorable night of your life. And to think I was considering telling you to turn the car around.” He grins, nipping lightly at his lips.

Callum stares at him, with a look that Ben can’t quite decipher. “I don’t need anything else, Ben. It was always going to be special, because I’m with you.”

He’s always so earnest, so sincere and it catches Ben off guard more times than he'd care to admit. He tries to make jokes sometimes, but there are moments, like now, when he wishes he knew what to say. Knew the words that would tell Callum exactly how he feels; how he makes him feel worthy and good. But he can’t find them, so he squeezes his hands and kisses his cheek. 

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Alright then,” Ben’s tongue sneaks out to wet his dry lips and forces himself to pull away from Callum, “let’s get a move on, before I get us both arrested for public indecency.”

Ben sees Callum smile out of the corner of his eye and quickly merge with the traffic, his own heart racing at what the day will bring.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to be honest, these few chapters had me quite nervous. I even thought about just skipping them altogether but every time I took them out it felt like something was missing later on. So, I hope I did the right things leaving them in and that you've liked it so far :)


	17. Chapter 17

Ben’s making small talk with his dealer friend while Callum loiters out in the waiting room, thumbing through car magazines and newspapers without taking anything in. The receptionist keeps shooting him looks, as if he’s suddenly going to stuff them all down his trousers and make a run for it. He catches her eye once again and grimaces. Stuck for something to do, he gets up and walks around the small space but feels even more of a wally than when he was sitting and waiting. 

He’d been a bit surprised that Ben did actually have someone he was selling the car to, but then again it would probably look suspicious if they arrived back in the square driving the one they left in. 

He runs a hand through his hair and tries to will himself to relax. There’s nothing to be anxious about, but he can’t help the excited butterflies circling his stomach, at times fluttering softly and at others dive bombing with a vengeance. He’s been thinking about tonight for weeks, if he’s being really honest. He could just never figure out the how, where or when though. Ben deserves more than them rushing and looking over their shoulders. 

“We ready then?” Ben’s smiling face greets him when he spins around. 

“Yeah, definitely.”

Ben nods in his direction before turning to shake the hand of the man beside him, “nice doing business with you, Jim.” He sends a cheeky wink to the receptionist who merely arches an eyebrow at him, “see you around, Becky.”

“We heading back to the hotel, then?” 

“Eager,” Ben smirks at him. “Knew you couldn’t wait to get your hands on me. In broad daylight and all, Callum!”

Callum flushes and glares at him, but without any heat behind it. He tries to will away the small smile he can feel begging to appear on his face. “That ain’t what I meant.”

“No need to be shy,” Ben bats his eyelashes at him in exaggeration. “We can if you don't think you can control yourself.” He laughs, taking pity on Callum and nudges him. “I thought we’d do a bit of exploring, be one of the tourists for a change. Y’know, take things slow, we’ve got no need to rush.”

“Great!” Callum’s grin makes Ben raise a brow at him. “Well, didn’t they film some of the Harry Potter films here?”

Ben laughs, shaking his head. “Bet you always fancied getting your hands on one of those wands and all.”

“Of course,” Callum grins, “who wouldn’t want a magic wand?”

“I think the wand you got is pretty magic as it is,” Ben winks cheekily at him. Callum laughs and blushes, eyes shyly turning down, but with a contented smile on his lips.

“Come on then,” Ben shoulder bumps him, “let’s go see where Harry waved his magic stick about.”

“Hey, Ben?” Callum’s hand brushes Ben’s and he can’t help himself from latching on. Callum doesn’t hesitate to lace their fingers together, and Ben feels something inside him soar. 

“Yeah?” Ben’s bright smile answers him, taking in the light pink covering his cheeks.

“Do ya think you could, maybe, wear the glasses?”

Ben laughs in surprise, “Glasses? Really? This isn’t a Harry Potter thing, is it?”

Callum pauses and pulls him towards him, hands tracing his face. “No, it’s a Ben Mitchell thing.”

Ben feels his throat dry and he clears it before he answers him. “Well in that case, how can I possibly refuse?”

The day was fun; they’d made a quick pit stop to the hotel before starting their exploring so they could freshen up and Ben could wear his glasses. He couldn’t help but smile at Callum when he stared in wide eyed wonder when Ben had first put them on. He’d never felt less self-conscious about his glasses than he did with Callum. He could feel himself relax and let go before they’d even left the room.

The sun was shining and everyone was in a good mood. Callum made Ben take pictures of him on the Christ Church staircase used in the Harry Potter film. Ben watched in bemusement as Callum started posing like he was about to cast an elaborate spell while Ben took pictures. Ben even let himself be photographed after Callum told him Lexi would get a kick out of him pretending to be the boy who lived. He mused aloud to Callum about the power his little girl has over him, even when she’s not there.

Callum couldn’t get over how they could be in the middle of the town one minute and just around the corner it would be like they were in the middle of the country. Green fields, tractors, rivers and then paved streets thronged with people and tourists. The excitement and energy was enough to take the edge off his nervousness. 

After an exhausting, but enjoyable, day they ate in a quiet, little restaurant hidden on a cobbled back street that Callum wouldn’t have been able to find with a map. They were planning to go to some trendy, gay bar Ben knew about after, but honestly, Callum was quite content to stay where they were. It was nice, being able to sit with Ben without glancing over his shoulder, worrying about who might see them, or wondering if Stuart was waiting with a tyre iron nearby.

Reaching across the table, he takes Ben’s hand in his and just enjoys the freedom of doing so. Ben looks so handsome and unguarded in the soft, warm lighting. He loves those glasses, but he swears Ben could make a bin bag look sexy. The soft flecks of copper in his hair are highlighted in a buttery halo and his eyes dance and glitter in front of him. He is beautiful. And Callum will never understand why nobody else can see it when they look at him.

“Thank you, for this,” he tells him quietly.

“My pleasure,” Ben smiles deviously, “or at least it will be later on.”

“Do you always have to make jokes,” Callum sighs but with a smile playing at the corner of his lips, “I can never tell if you’re serious or just laughing at me.”

Ben looks down and heat suffuses his cheeks, “I dunno how to do anything else. Sincerity isn’t exactly one of my strong points.”

Callum chuckles and squeezes Ben’s hand encouragingly, “Suppose I’m probably sincere enough for the both of us.”

Ben’s eyes meet his, the vulnerability and shyness captivating Callum. “That’s why I like ya.”

Callum can only stare in awe at Ben’s sweet smile, definitely one of the best to memorise and add to the collection. Ben seems self conscious and looks towards the waiter. 

“I should get the bill,” he mutters to himself.

Callum moves, catching his attention and squeezing his hand. He licks his lips and holds his gaze. “I like you too.”

“You do?” Ben’s face lights up hopefully and Callum feels an answering jump in his chest.

“Yeah, ‘course I do.”

“Then I definitely need to get the bill,” Ben winks at him and leaves to deal with their meal while Callum tries to calm his racing heart. Ben likes him; he always figured he must to put up with him for so long, but to have him admit it? His stomach is doing summersaults in delight and anticipation of what will come next.

Callum finds himself in Ben’s arms, bar forgotten, comfortable and relaxed. Ben always calls him soft but, now, it’s Ben that refuses to rush, that insists on taking things slow and careful. They make a steady return to the hotel, constantly brushing up against each other and holding hands. The excitement is nearly too much for Callum and at one point he’s concerned he might throw up. Hardly the impression he wants to give Ben. 

Arriving at the hotel and making their way to the room is a bit of a blur to Callum. One minute they’re walking down the street, the next they’re in the welcome privacy of their room. 

Ben hypnotises him; it’s the only explanation for how he’s unable to tear his eyes away from him. 

“You’re definitely sure?” Ben’s voice trembles a little and Callum can only nod, staring at his lips forming those words. 

He doesn’t bother holding back the urge to give in. He runs his hands through Ben’s hair before pulling him closer and leaning down to brush his lips against Ben’s. It is merely a chaste brush of lips, but quickly changes and before he knows it, they’re fumbling with buttons and buckles, eager to touch the skin hidden beneath. 

It feels like he’s drowning in Ben, but he can’t stop himself, he doesn’t want too. Ben is everywhere. The heat of his skin against Callum’s, the brush of lips and tongue tracing paths across his chest; his heart racing, pulse thrumming and drowning in a sea of desire for the man in front of him.

“Trust me,” Ben whispers, as he pushes Callum back onto the bed, leans back, carefully opening himself up. 

Callum watches him eagerly. “You’re beautiful.”

Ben colours under the attention, but Callum can’t help himself from leaning forward and kissing him, keen to show how much he wants him. 

When he’s ready, Ben grins at him and gently pushes him back. His eyes trace every inch of his face, taking in the sincere, wondrous eyes. He’s a bit blurry around the edges without his contacts, but Ben wouldn’t change anything. He kisses him on the cheek, and Callum grips his waist tightly, swallowing in wonder as Ben slowly lowers himself onto Callum. 

Callum’s eyes widen as he’s surrounded by the heat of Ben. He rests his head against his shoulder, gripping Ben tighter to him, breathing harshly in the space between them. He feels his eyes well up, his pulse racing at how right this feels. How right Ben feels. 

Ben runs his fingers through his hair, kissing his temple and making comforting sounds.

“Alright?” Ben asks and Callum lifts his head to see the slightly uncertain look in Ben’s eyes. He leans forward and leaves a bruising, passionate kiss, leaving Ben moaning against his lips. 

“Yeah,” he slaps Ben’s hip lightly, making Ben’s gaze dilate even more and growls at him, “but if you don’t move soon, I’m going to die of frustration.”

Ben grins, “We can’t have that, now can we?”

Any response Callum may have made is lost in sensation. His entire world zeros in on Ben and the reactions he manages to coax from his body. He feels things he’s never felt before; he sucks bruises onto Ben’s skin, never wanting this moment to end. The sounds of Ben above him, his warmth and heat around him, surrounding him, enveloping him. It’s overwhelming; too much and not enough. 

He couldn’t stop his hips from moving if he tried. He pushes up and up, chasing the pleasure that has become his only goal in life. With a shout Ben comes over his chest and not long after Callum follows, sinking back against the pillows, with Ben falling upon him, in a satisfied daze.

Callum runs his fingers through Ben’s hair, tugging lightly on the short strands and relishing the gentle sighs and moans of the man lying against him. Ben shifts and pushes himself up.

“Hold that thought,” he whispers, kissing Callum lightly before leaving the bed and returning with a cloth. He wipes Callum’s chest and the brunette shivers at the cool feeling. Ben flings the cloth across the room without a thought and crawls back in, cuddling up beside Callum.

“So?” Ben asks, tracing random patterns across Callum’s chest. “Did that live up to expectations?”

“No,” Callum smiles down at him, “I could never have imagined anything that good.”

Ben snorts but can't fight the pleased smiled as he kisses Callum's chest. “So soft,” he murmurs, cuddling closer to him. 

Ben’s bossiness continues in bed. He insists on cuddling for, what must be, at least a half hour, not that Callum’s complaining. When it comes time to sleep, he twists around, settling himself against Callum’s chest. He wraps the taller man’s arms around him, to meet in front of his chest. Kissing Callum’s hands goodnight, he tangles their legs together and sighs in contentment as Callum kisses the top of his head, smiling in satisfaction as they fall asleep in each others arms.

Morning comes all too soon, and Callum experiences a moment of disorientation when he wakes up with the sun on the wrong side of the bed and Whitney’s soft curves replaced by firmer muscles and a hairy leg injected between his own. 

They've changed positions during the night and he takes the opportunity to slowly become aware of each part of his body that is touching Ben. Starting from his ankles resting against Ben’s toes to legs framing Ben, to his chest pressed against Ben’s, to his arms wrapped around the younger man and his fingers carding through Ben’s soft hair. He closes his eyes and enjoys the moment. He cradles Ben’s head against him and feels him smile.

“You’re awake,” Ben rumbles against his chest, kissing him idly. His hand snakes down past his chest and stomach to stroke where Callum in already half hard. “ _All_ of you is awake,” he grins up at him. “So what about it? Up for another round?”

Callum kisses that smirking face, “And you were the one accusing me of being eager yesterday!”

“What can I say? I think I’m addicted now that I’ve had a taste,” he growls playfully at him.

Callum's gruff, morning laugh rumbles through his chest. “Well in that case, I think you’d better buckle up, cowboy cos you’re in for the ride of your life.”

“Ooh,” Ben purrs, “yee haw, partner!”


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was so fantastic seeing Callum standing up to his Dad and determinedly going after his man! I didn't post this sooner because I was so happy over the show and in the story things are about to get a little rocky...

The train brought them back to London far too quickly in Ben’s opinion, and by the time they’d taken the short tube ride back to Walford, it was nearly as if the previous twenty four hours had never happened. 

He can already feel his body tense and his armour settle into place as the square comes into view. The Saturday market is still buzzing with weekend shoppers and Ben stuffs his hands in his jacket pockets, to keep them from view. 

“Back to reality then,” he mutters, more to himself than Callum.

“Ben,” Callum stops him with a light touch to his arm. “Thanks. For yesterday and last night. I-It was great.” He smiles shyly down at Ben.

“Suppose it weren’t too bad,” Ben smirks at him, “but y’know what they say, practice makes perfect, so...” he trails off and Callum shakes his head fondly at him. 

“You offering your services, then?”

“Might be,” Ben murmurs, “got a nice sofa in the office at the car lot. Needs to get more use, think we could take advantage of it?”

Callum’s tongue traces over his dry lips and stares down at Ben’s false innocent expression. “Y-yeah, yeah I reckon we might be able to find a use for it.

“Thought you might,” Ben winks at him in triumph then takes a step back. “Text me later, when you’re free.”

“You’re back!” Whitney appears at Callum’s side, tugging on his arms and pulling him down for a kiss. 

“Said I’d get him back in one piece,” Ben watches them as impassively as he can, his fists clenching in his pockets. Last night definitely seems like a dream right now. 

“Hope you kept him out of trouble,” she says to Ben.

“Of course, wouldn’t let him leave the hotel room all night,” he smirks at her. “Don’t think he minded much though, eh Callum?”

Callum smiles uncomfortably and Whitney rolls her eyes at Ben before turning her attention on to her fiancée. 

“I know it was only one night, but I missed ya. I can’t wait until we’re married; I don’t like it when we have to spend time apart.”

Callum hums in reply and squeezes her in a hug that seems more like an awkward sibling embrace than a doting fiancée.

“Careful Whit,” Ben says casually, “that sounds a bit co-dependent or Fatal Attraction.”

“Careful Ben,” she replies saccharinely sweet, “that sounds a bit envious or jealous.”

Ben smiles coldly at her, “Hardly,” he snorts, “but I guess that’s my cue to leave then.” He looks at Callum who is wide-eyed and unsure. Ben nods at him, his mouth twisting up into a charade of a smile. “Thanks for your help, Callum. I appreciated it.”

“Uh, yeah, yeah, no problem,” he smiles uncertainly and Ben turns towards his own house. “Ben!” Callum calls after him, “anytime, yeah?”

Ben nods before spinning on his heel and walking away. Callum watches him go; something tight and heavy settling in his chest as he walks back to his flat arm in arm with his future wife.

Whitney is busy making some preparations for the wedding, so Callum is free to think about nothing but Ben. Being with Ben had been...like something he’d never thought was possible. It feels like an impossible dream now. Being with Ben, away from the hustle and bustle of Walford with their nosy family and friends, and talk of weddings and dresses. He knows it has to end; that he’s cheating on Whit, but he tells himself that it’ll all end once he’s married. The lurch in his chest tells him no part of him believes that. With shaking fingers he texts Ben to see if he’s free later on that night.

“Stacey asked me to look after Hope for little bit this afternoon. I know you’re only back, but it’ll be good practice, won’t it?” Whitney tells him as she hangs up the phone and moves to the kitchen.

“Hmm?” Callum glances at his fiancée, “practice?” he says hesitantly, “what do you mean?” 

“I _mean_ ,” Whitney laughs, “when we have our own little one. May as well get some practice in now.”

“Yeah, I don’t mind looking after Hope, you know I love kids,” he pockets his phone and walks closer to her, “but it ain’t like we’re having any in the near future, right?” Callum’s eyes suddenly widen and he stares down at her, “you ain’t...?” He stares down at her stomach like it’s some unseen creature and Whitney shakes her head. 

“No, of course not!” she looks at him ruefully, “it’s not as if we’ve been doing anything to get me pregnant.”

Callum lets out a relieved breath followed by a nervous laugh. “Of course, of course, I just forgot.”

Whit frowns and pulls away from him, crossing her arms, “would it be such a bad thing if I were?” she asks him uncertainly, “I thought that’s what we both wanted, to be parents, have kids? Have you changed your mind? Do you not want them anymore?”

Callum pulls her to his side and kisses the top of her head, “you know I want kids,” he tells her reassuringly, “I just thought we'd agreed we wouldn't be having them too soon is all. I want to save up some, make sure I can look after ‘em properly.”

Whitney smiles up at him, “we’ll manage. I was thinking we should try as soon as we get married.”

“What?” he stares down at her in shock, “what about being stable and ready? Being financially ready to look after them," he hears the pith of his voice get higher, and takes a moment to lower it to a more normal level. "The flat ain’t really the place to raise a family, Whit. We need more room.”

“Relax, Callum. We’ll manage,” she reassures him, leaning up to kiss his cheek, “Stacy and Martin do it, Honey does it, hell even Ben manages to be a decent Dad and he isn’t exactly what you’d call Dad of the Year Material.”

“That ain’t fair,” Callum interjects, feeling a burning need to defend his...whatever Ben is. “Ben’s a great Dad.”

“I know,” Whit soothes him, “I don’t mean he’s not a good Dad, I’m just saying when you meet him you don’t immediately think, there’s the world’s best Dad!” She grasps the front of Callum’s shirt and pulls him closer. “If that lot can manage to be parents, then we’ll definitely cake walk it. Besides,” she grins cheekily, “I want to have them while I’m still young. Don’t want to be mistaken for an old granny at the school gates.”

Callum smiles fondly at her, “nobody would think you’re a granny, Whit!”

“So?” she flutters her eyelashes at him, “what do you say? Ready to become Mum and Dad?”

He finds it difficult to swallow, emotions clogging in his throat. "This is what your really want?"

"Yes, I want your baby Callum Highway."

Callum is too sunned to answer her but Whit must see something she likes in his expression as she burrows herself against his chest and smiles in delight. 

He doesn’t say anything to Ben when he meets him later in the car lot, sighing his name and making him moan his as they put that sofa to the test.


	19. Chapter 19

“Take it you’re not heading out tonight?” Jay comments as he sits down beside Ben on the Beale’s sofa.

Ben eyes him slyly, “Of course not, bruv, I got a better offer. I’ve to look after Lexi while you try your best to corrupt the mother of my child.”

“Dinner at Walford East is hardly the ideal spot for ‘corruption.’ Not with Ian grinning down at us.”

“Ooh, gonna blame my big brother for not being able to pull?”

Truthfully, Ben’s still feeling on a bit of a high from meeting up with Callum earlier in the day. Callum had been the one to suggest they meet up, in the car lot, on the same day they’d arrived back. He doesn’t want to think too hard about why that makes him happy, he just knows that it does. And boy, is Callum a quick learner! Ever since they’ve managed to meet up every other day, whether it’s in the car lot, or a brief make out session in the alley beside the Vic.

Jay elbows him in the ribs, shaking him back to reality. “How are the hands?”

Ben looks down at his bruised knuckles and flexes them. “Yeah, not too bad. Wouldn’t have fancied driving all the way north though.”

“Hmm,” Jay answers him, eyes fixed on the telly, “good thing Callum volunteered for the chauffer job then, hey?”

“Well, he did get the pleasure of my company,” Ben smirks at him. 

“And you got the pleasure of his,” Jay pins Ben with his stare and the mechanic shifts uncomfortably.

“Something you wanna say, Jay?”

“No, Ben. You?”

“No,” Ben snaps.

Jay sighs and turns further towards him. “You know you can tell me anything, right?”

Ben hunches forward, feels his shoulders tense and his knuckles pull tightly when he clenches his fists, his jaw tightening. 

“Ben, I’m just worried about ya.”

“I know,” Ben admits, “I know, Jay. But don’t worry about me, alright.” He doesn’t mean to snap at Jay, and he does know that Jay’s worried. But he also knows he can’t do or say anything to out Callum. That he can’t really confide in Jay, as much as he might want to have someone to talk this all out with. 

He can’t lie to him either though, not completely anyway. He turns to face Jay, finding his troubled eyes looking back at him “I can take care of myself. Yeah, I’ve, I’ve a bit of a...thing for Callum, and I enjoyed spending time with him. But, I know he’s getting married, alright? I know nothing can come of it.”

“Why are you doing this to yourself? You normally steer clear of anyone who's straight, but I’ve seen you at the office more in the past few months than I have since I began working in the place.”

“I can’t help myself,” Ben admits without meaning to.

Jay’s hand lands reassuringly on his shoulder. “Maybe it’s best you stay away from the office then, eh? He’s getting married in just over a week; you don’t need to be running in to him all the time.”

Ben wants to argue, but instead he nods his head silently. It’s concerning that Jay’s cottoned on to something going on, and Ben curses himself for not being careful enough. Jay’s right, they can’t keep going on the way they are. A bit of distance would be a good thing.

“Unlce Jay!” Lexi bounds down the stairs and jumps on top of Jay, causing him to huff out a deep breath. 

“Ain’t you a bit big for all that bouncing around, Lex?”

“No,” Lexi tells him primly. 

Ben chuckles and ruffles her hair. “That’s my girl. Fancy one of them pink bun things you like from the caff?”

Lexi’s eyes light up and her pearly grin is enough to brighten the entire room. Ben got damn lucky, and he knows it. Lola’s done a great job in raising their daughter, and she’s everything he could ever want or need. 

“Alright?” Lola appears at the bottom of the stairs, in a tight dress and hair perfectly curled and set. Jay looks stunned and Lola’s grin clearly shows she’s pleased.

“You look...wow,” Jay tells her, quickly standing up and moving towards her.

“You don’t look too bad yourself,” she grins up at him.

“Alright, alright,” Ben interrupts, with a smile on his face, “enough of the lovey, dovey, stuff. We don’t need to see that, do we Lex?”

Lexi scrunches her nose and ignores her Dad. She grins up at her Mum, “you look beautiful Mummy.”

“Aw, thank you darling,” she leans down and kisses her daughter, “now, you make sure you go to bed on time, don’t let Dad keep you up too late, alright?”

“Why don’t you two get going then, Lexi and I have got plans, don’t we princess?”

“Buns!” Lexi jumps in the air, arms extended and Lola shakes her head, looking towards Jay.

“Sugar before bed, just what she needs.”

Jay laughs and rubs her back. “Well that’ll be his problem, won’t it?”

Lola beams, “that’s right. You’re on bedtime duty tonight, Ben. Don’t wait up!” she calls over her shoulder as the pair of them leave.

Ben shakes his head and grins down at his exuberant daughter. “Alright then missus, let’s get them buns!”

Ben’s walking with Lexi, grinning down as he swings her hands wildly in the air and she laughs delightedly when Callum spies them. He’s just after having a drink in the Vic with Whit; and listened to the latest chapter in the Carter family drama. They’re upon them before Callum’s even able to gather his thoughts.

“Callum!” Lexi grins, smiling up at him.

“Your Highness,” he bows awkwardly to her and Whit laughs. Callum sees a fond look on Ben’s face beside him and he can’t help the answering smile that spreads across his own.

Lexi pouts, her lower lip pushing comically forward and those piercing blue eyes staring up at him in accusation. “My ceiling still isn’t pink!”

Callum laughs while Whitney just looks confused.

“Hey now!” Ben interrupts her, “that’s not nice. Callum’s a busy man, he ain’t got time to be going around painting rude little girl’s bedroom’s pink. Not sure you deserve that bun now.”

Lexi looks more angry than offended but doesn’t say anything more. 

“Why are you looking for Callum to paint your ceiling pink, darling?” Whitney crouches down to her and Lexi eyes her a little warily. 

“Because Daddy’s too short to reach, but Callum’s tall and he’s Daddy’s friend so he can help,” Lexi answers her as if it should be obvious. Ben tugs on her arm gently in warning.

Whitney laughs, “well can’t really argue with that, can ya?” she says to Ben who smiles tightly. 

“Callum was nice enough to buy her an ice cream in the park one day, so now she thinks she can order him about like she does her poor Dad,” he tickles Lexi’s sides until she starts laughing. “Treats me like a slave she does, gives me all sorts of jobs; chef, fashion designer, chauffer, dance instructor. The list goes on, doesn’t it Lex?”

Whitney smiles at them, “You really are great with her, Ben.” She looks up at Callum smiling, “Imagine, that could be us soon,” she says quietly, but not quietly enough for Ben not to hear.

“Oh yeah?” Callum can already see the muscles along Ben’s spine stiffening beneath his leather jacket. “Already planning the 2.4 kids are we?”

Whit grins while Callum starts shifting from foot to foot, unable to look at Ben directly. “Yeah,” she says enthusiastically. “That’s the plan. Hopefully by our first wedding anniversary, we’ll already have one! Ain’t that right, babe?”

“Hmmm,” he laughs nervously, fingers gripping the back of his neck nervously. He finally latches onto Ben’s gaze, seeing something he doesn’t want to name before it’s replaced by a blank look. He feels his throat dry out and finds himself unable to speak. Swallowing hard, he smiles wanly down at Lexi who is looking curiously up at the adults around her.

“So Callum’s not painting my ceiling then?”

Ben’s attention drifts down to his daughter and he squeezes her hand, “probably not Lex. Uncle Ian might give himself a heart attack if saw neon pink ceilings upstairs.”

Lexi huffs, pulling her hand away from Ben and crossing her arms. 

“You sure you want one of these,” Ben says lightly to Whit, “they can be a pain in the arse sometimes.”

Lexi pinches him, “Mummy says ‘arse’ is one of the bad words. You’re not meant to say it when I can hear.”

Ben frowns down at her playfully. “Tell you what, you promise not to tell her and I’ll get you that bun after all. Deal?” He holds his hand out and she shakes it, bouncing on her toes impatiently. 

“See what I mean?” He rolls his eyes dramatically at the couple, “nothing but trouble.”

“You don’t mean that,” Callum quickly answers him.

Ben shrugs, eyes still avoiding his gaze, “no, I don’t. She’s a good girl, just a handful is all.”

“Must be in her blood,” Callum muses out loud, desperate for Ben to look at him.

Ben huffs, “you might be right,” finally his eyes briefly meet Callum’s before shooting towards Whit. “She takes too much after her aunt Louise.” He looks down at his daughter and tugs her hand. “Come on then, Lex, better get them buns before your Nan scoffs the lot. And I’ve got a story I’ve got to finish for you, don’t I?”

Callum just wants Ben to look at him, just once, but his eyes are firmly focused on his daughter. While he in no way has problems with Lexi being Ben’s number one priority, it definitely feels like that’ not the reason Ben won’t even glance in his direction. 

He watches him walk away, already feeling a distance between them start to grow and widen. He didn’t lie to Ben, not really, but not telling him about a possible future baby feels like a betrayal anyway. And then there’s Whitney, beautiful, unsuspecting Whitney who’s never done anything but love him. His mind is a whirlwind and he claims tiredness when Whitney starts explaining all the wedding decisions she still has to make. He crawls into bed early, and even though he is in the bed alone, it feels a lot smaller, colder and emptier than when he’d left. 

Ben puts Lexi to bed after hours spent playing dress up and telling her stories. He has to admit, he thinks the pink, sparkly fairy wings suited him pretty well. Not many men can pull off pink glitter with as much swagger as Ben Mitchell. Lexi had certainly approved.

Now that he’s alone though, he has no distractions. His stomach is clenched and he feels angry and foolish. He’s been living in a fantasy world these past few months. Like some soppy Disney princess, he’s been secretly hoping for a happy ending when that was never on the cards. He’d known the moment he’d kissed Callum again in his apartment that they were bound for disaster. He should have listened to that voice telling him to run in the opposite direction. 

But, he hadn’t. Instead, he’d given in, lying to himself that he wouldn’t get too involved, that when it all ended, he’d be able to move on and look back on all their encounters with a sense of satisfaction, and maybe a hint of fondness for the tall, confused undertaker. This wasn’t meant to happen. He wasn’t supposed to feel like this, like he’s been made a fool of. 

All this time he’s tried to be supportive of Callum, tried to show him how good he could have it; shit, he even brought him away for some romantic overnight stay. He laughs bitterly to himself now, hands clenching tightly on the table in front of him. 

Fuck, it’s pathetic. All this time, he’s been trying to be there for Callum, and the whole time Callum was still planning to live this fake picture perfect life with Whitney. They’re not even married yet and they’re talking about kids.

Enough. No more.

Ben Mitchell has let himself be treated like a mug long enough. It’s time to wake up and face the truth. Callum’s not leaving Whitney and Ben isn’t about to be the starving dog begging for scraps from his master’s plate. 

Hell no. 

Callum’s priorities firmly lie in a different direction. As much as Ben hates it, and _knows_ Callum will only end up hurting himself and Whit more by denying who he really is. 

It’s time to take back control.


	20. Chapter 20

He glances down at his phone again, for what must be the hundredth time in the past hour. It’s still as blank as it was the ninety nine other times he checked. He’s been uneasy all day about Ben and what Whitney had said about them planning to have kids. He didn’t like that look on his face, that coldness and the flash of hurt he swears he saw before Ben shut it down. He’s tried calling around to the house, the Arches, the car lot, anywhere he could think of, but it was like he disappeared off the face of the earth. He’s tried calling and texting and he’s gotten no reply so far. It’s driving him mad; he needs to see him, to talk to him.

“Callum?”

“What?” he answers distractedly, leg bouncing and knocking off the bottom of their table in the Vic.

Whitney looks at him with concern, “What’s going on?”

“What d’ya mean?”

“I _mean_ , you’ve been paying more attention to your phone than me, Callum,” she glances around at the other patrons in the Vic and leans closer to him, placing her hand on top of his. “Is there something you want to talk about?”

Her face is open, but Callum can see a hint of fear there as well. He swallows and stares down at her. He immediately feels shame and guilt flood him. He loves Whit and he hates to see that look on her face. 

“I love you, Whit. You’re the most important woman in my life,” he tells her, and he means it. He does love her, she’s so important and she deserves the world. She smiles brightly at him, her eyes shining and squeezes his hand.

Over her shoulder, he sees Ben come through the doors, smiling flirtatiously with the well built blonde at his side. Callum has a clear view of the little touches and whispers, personal space apparently completely ignored. They order pints and collapse into a padded seat, pressed up against each other. His grip tightens on his glass until he thinks he’s going to break it and his jaw is painfully clenched tight. 

Whitney moves her hand up his arm and draws his attention back to her, “Everything alright, babe?”

“Fine,” he replies, smiling tightly at her. His eyes drift over to Ben just in time to see the blonde squeeze Ben’s thigh and run his hand higher. Subconsciously, he stands straight up, nearly knocking over the glasses in front of him.

“Callum?” Whitney’s staring wide-eyed at him and he brushes her off. 

“Sorry, just, have to use the loo.” He strides across the bar. Mick calls his name but he ignores him as he catches Ben’s eye, brushing past him as he clenches his fists by his side.

He paces inside the toilets, trying to calm down. He runs his hands through his hair and down his face, pacing, until he finally hears the door swing behind him.

“Alright, what do you want?” Ben asks, casually leaning against the wall.

“What are you playing at?” Callum seethes striding across to the shorter man.

“Me? I ain’t playing at nothing. Just making new friends.”

“Friends?!” Callum scoffs, “Is that what you call him?”

“Well, for tonight anyway,” Ben grins, tilting his head to the side. “Why, does that bother you, Halfway? Feeling a little bit jealous are we?”

“Are you sleeping with him?” Callum growls.

“Let’s see what the night brings, shall we?” the smirk is the last straw.

Callum grabs him by his shirt and pushes him back against the wall. Ben moans wantonly, teasingly, and it only fuels Callum’s anger all the more.

“Oh, I love it when you get passionate,” the spark in Ben’s eye is electric, and exciting. He squints up at Callum, “Do you know, I used to think that your eyes were blue, but looking at them now...” he trails off, the smug smirk returns, “I do believe I see quite a bit of green.”

Callum shoves him against the wall and turns away, walking as far as he can in the small space. He counts in his head, runs his fingers through his hair, clenches his fist, anything to try and stop this horrible feeling bubbling inside. A feeling like betrayal, anger, jealousy, and hurt, all jumbled together in one toxic mixture. Feelings he knows he has no right to feel.

“I know you’re upset, alright?” he tries to reason with Ben desperately, “I shoulda told ya about Whit and what she wants but you don’t have to do this.”

As he looks at the car dealer, the smirk on Ben’s face disappears. “So what, its one rule for you and another for me?” he asks coldly.

“That’s different,” Callum protests heatedly.

“Yeah, cos the whole square knows about you and Whitney getting married, I’m being hidden in the shadows. Why’s it ok for you to fuck your fiancée every night of the week, and not ok for me, the single one, to cop off with a fit bloke?”

“Stop it, you know it’s not like that,” Callum yells angrily, moving closer towards him again, “you know Whit and I ain’t,” he breaks off, stumbling over his words, “not in ages.” He looks down at Ben. “You know you’re the one I want.”

“Yeah, that’s what you keep saying, Callum. But she’s the one you go home to, the one who gets to go to sleep with ya, and wake up to ya in the morning, ain’t she?” Ben pushes against him, forcing him to move backwards. “And what do I get, eh? A quickie in a dirty back alley and a hasty grope when no one’s looking. D’you think that’s all I’m worth?”

Callum clasps his face in his hands and presses hard kisses to his face, pressing back, wanting to show him how much he means to him. Eventually, they break apart, breathless and wanting.

“Y’aint the only one who gets lonely, Callum.”

Callum squeezes his eyes shut and presses his forehead against Ben, “Please,” he insists, “don’t sleep with him. Send him away.”

“Why? You coming home with me tonight?” Ben challenges him, voice hard.

Callum shakes his head in frustration, “you know I can’t.”

Ben snorts in derision and rips himself from Callum’s grasp. “Yeah, that’s what I thought.”

He leaves angrily, the door banging behind him. Callum can’t stop the hiccupping tears bubbling out of him. 

Ben smiles and winks at his date for the evening. “Ready to go?” he quirks an eyebrow and gets a returning grin. They leave hand and in hand and Ben turns, pushing him against the outside of the Vic, kissing him intently.

He’s kissed back passionately, but it’s wrong; all of its wrong. He’s too short; he pushes too hard in the kiss, competing with Ben for control. His arms and shoulders are too big and thick and his thighs aren’t thick enough. His hair isn’t long enough and chest feels too broad and heavy pressed against Ben.

Ben groans in frustration, ripping his mouth away from the blonde Adonis. “Shit.”

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Adonis traces a hand down the side of face, urging him closer towards him and back to kissing.

Ben moves back and shakes his head. “Sorry, I, uh, I just remembered something. I can’t do this tonight mate.”

Adonis looks at him in surprise, and wipes a hand across his mouth. “Ok, well maybe some other time then?”

Ben clears his throat, “Yeah, maybe.” He looks away and knows the man in front of him knows there is no way this is happening again. 

He straightens up and sighs, looking down at himself. “Great. Well, the night is still young. Think I’ll head over to the Prince Albert and see if my luck changes there.”

“I don’t think you’ll be lonely for company tonight,” Ben tells him with a quick smile. Adonis nods and leaves. Ben sticks his hands in the pockets of his jacket, aroused, annoyed and just generally feeling like shit.

Callum tidies himself up, splashing water on his face and bracing himself against the sink as he takes deep, steadying breaths. He stares at himself in the mirror, not seeing much energy or life in the gaze staring back at him. 

Disgusted, he quickly turns around and marches out of the gents. 

“Halfway,” he feels a hand land on his shoulder and his head snaps to the side, taking in Mick’s frown and concerned eyes. “You alright?”

“Yeah,” his voice sounds hoarse, so he clears it and tries to smile at his friend. “Of course, why wouldn’t I be?”

Mick’s mouth purses and he glances towards the doors of the gents. “Just thought, with Ben running out of the lavs like the hounds of hell were after him, there might have been a bit of bother.”

Callum swallows and looks down towards the floor, but doesn’t say anything.

“He up to something? Bothering ya? Cos if he-”

“No, no,” Callum quickly corrects him, “Ben ain’t, he’s not bothering me. Promise.”

“You sure?” Mick doesn’t look any more convinced and Callum clenches his hands, wishing he was better at lying, instead of being so inept. 

“Why does everyone around here _always_ assume Ben’s up to no good?” Callum explodes, a slight shake to his voice.

Mick blinks, taken aback. He looks towards the doors of the Vic and sighs. “Well, he’s got form ain’t he?”

Callum shakes his head and looks away, unable to meet Mick’s eye.

Mick considers him, looking uncertain and Callum braces himself for more questions, trying to figure out how quickly he can get out of this. Mick says nothing for a moment and squeezes his shoulder. “You and Ben,” he says carefully, “you...” 

Callum’s attention snaps straight back to Mick, and he knows he’s woefully incapable of hiding how terrified he is by Mick’s tone. 

“You’re not in any trouble, are ya?” 

“Told you,” Callum says, “Ben ain’t done nothing wrong.”

Mick hesitates before nodding at the younger man. “You know, if there’s anything you want to talk about, I’m here for ya, Halfway. Anything at all.”

Callum feels the familiar burning at the corner of his eyes and he quickly looks towards Whitney, waiting patiently in the corner. He looks back at Mick and gives him a shaky smile. “Thanks, Mick. I really appreciate that. But, everything’s fine.” He walks back towards his fiancée and reminds himself that in a week he’s going to be her husband. 

_Everything is fine._


	21. Chapter 21

_Meet me in the Car Lot. Please._

Ben stares at the words until they’ve burned themselves into his brain. Even when he looks away he can see the ghost of the letters floating in front of him, mocking him. He knows he’ll meet him there. He can argue with himself until he’s blue in the face, but in the end it won’t matter. When Callum calls, Ben goes running. It’s a habit he’s going to have to break.

It just won’t be tonight.

Callum is a crouched figure, slumped against the side of the cabin, and Ben feels his stomach clench at the sight. He looks wrecked. His hair is in complete disarray and the hoodie and sweats look like they’ve been pulled on in a hurry, sloppy and ill fitting.

“Guess you better come in then,” he says flatly. Callum’s head snaps up to look at him so quickly Ben almost winces in sympathy.

“You came,” Callum breathes out, as if there was any doubt.

“You sound surprised,” Ben focuses on fitting the keys in the lock and not on the sounds of Callum scrambling to his feet or the heat of his larger body by his side.

“I-I wasn’t sure you would after...” Callum’s voice drifts off, and Ben can hear the vulnerability and pleading question in the few syllables he’s uttered.

“Sent him packing,” he admits harshly, eyes barely seeing the interior of the cabin, too aware of Callum following behind and hastily closing the door to the outside world.

Callum looks relieved and guilty at the same time. Ben can’t stand it so he strides forward and grabs hold of Callum’s sweats, yanking them down.

Callum’s eyes widen and he grabs the material before they can get more than halfway down his thighs. He stumbles a few steps back and pulls them up hastily.

“Oh, suddenly shy are we?”

“Wh-what are you doing?”

"What am _I_ doing?” Ben gestures to his chest, “I’m doing what we normally do, Callum. That’s normally why you call,” he finishes bitterly.

“I,” Callum starts but stops, trying to gather himself together. “That’s not true. You _know_ that’s not true.” He sounds more confident than he looks; determined but at the same time, defeated,small and Ben hates that. He hates that he hates that.

Ben’s not the bad guy here. He’s not. For once in his life, he’s not trying to manipulate and use Callum. He’s tried to help him and guide him and show him how good things can be if he only lets himself get to know the real Callum. Somewhere along the way Ben’s caught _feelings_. And, as he always knew, he’s ended up paying the price for them.

Callum slumps down onto the sofa in an echo of the pose Ben saw him in outside. He huffs out a breath, silently curses the two of them, and joins Callum on the leather cushions. He fishes out a flask from his pocket and takes a swig before silently offering it to Callum.

The undertaker is hesitant at first, but then takes a good swig that causes him to cough. Ben just stares at him, how his eyes water and lips purse and relax as he tries to control his body’s reaction.

“I’m sorry,” he eventually tells Ben shakily. “For tonight. I-I have no right to-”

“No, you don’t,” Ben interrupts him harshly.

Callum’s gaze pins him in place and Ben feels like he can’t look away.

“I don’t want to share ya, with anybody.”

Ben’s laugh is bitter and brittle, “do you hear yourself?”

“I know,” Callum’s tongue licks his bottom lip and Ben can’t help but let his eyes flick to the movement before returning to his eyes. “I can’t help it. There’s something about you. I dunno what it is, but it makes me selfish and I was _so_ angry tonight.” His voice and hands shake as he clenches them over his knees. “I just wanted to go over there and rip him and his grubby paws off ya.”

“That’s rich, coming from you.” Ben snorts at him. “This day next week you’ll be a married man Callum!”

“I know,” Callum’s voice is rough and gravelly.

“Do you?” Ben asks him sharply, “you say it, but I don’t think you really do. You’re here telling me how much you hate seeing me with some bloke; meanwhile your future wife is picking out baby names!” He laughs in disbelief. He looks like he has more to say, like the words are just waiting to tumble from his lips, but he doesn’t let them. Callum can tell by the clench of his jaw and the way he screws his eyes shut, taking deep breaths.

Callum doesn’t know if he should tell him to stop or just spit it out. He knows he deserves it, knows it ain’t fair to Ben or Whit, and part of him wishes Ben would stop being the considerate one and just lash out at him.

Instead, Ben lets his head fall back against the wall with a small thump, and looks so tired and forlorn that Callum’s breath catches in his throat.

“It’s your life, Callum,” he tells him quietly, rubbing at his eye self consciously, “you decide how you live it.” He turns his head to finally look at him, a sad half smirk on his face. “I knew you’d be in the Vic tonight. I shouldn’t have brought him there, but I just...” He stops and Callum feels his eyes burn, but his throat is too clogged up to speak properly. “I shouldn’t have said what I did, I said I’d not push ya or pressure ya and I meant it. Didn’t mean to put you in that position.”

“Don’t,” the word is ripped from Callum’s throat and leaves him gasping. “Don’t apologise. I didn’t.... I didn’t realise until tonight, not properly anyway.” He swallows and looks down at the joined hands, turning his palm up to grasp Ben’s properly. “Is that how y-you feel when you see me with Whit?”

Ben nods his head just once, and Callum grips Ben's hand hard. Callum’s forehead furrows and he caresses Ben’s knuckles lightly with his thumb.

What has he done? What has he done to the brash, confident Ben Mitchell? All he’s managed to do is hurt him and bring him down. It’s not fair, and it needs to stop; Ben is worth _so_ much more than this. His breath catches in the back of his throat and his eyes swim with tears.

It’s here, the moment he knew would always come. The realisation leaves him winded and devastated. Ben was right, they are a complete disaster. He’d known all along but Callum hadn’t listened. Hadn’t wanted to. He remembers Ben warning him that he could have the power to destroy him. But Callum had told him he wouldn’t do it. Looking at him now, Callum’s terrified he’s on his way to doing just that.

It doesn’t stop it from hurting, doesn’t stop the aching chasm in his chest from reopening. But it’s not fair, he’s not being fair. Not to Ben and not to Whitney. He doesn’t deserve Ben and can’t stand the thought of hurting him anymore than he already has. He doesn’t deserve Whit either, but he’s too much of a coward to tell her the truth. Not now.

He clears his throat, feeling that all too familiar burn at the back of his throat. He forces himself to meet Ben’s gaze, to see him struggle with the calm veneer. He sees the recognition on Ben’s face, the resignation and the bitterness.

“We,” he starts and stops, “we can’t keep doing this, can we?”

Ben doesn’t say anything, but his grip tightens on Callum until he thinks the blood has stopped flowing to his fingers.

“ _You_ can’t keep doing this,” he whispers to Ben and knows it’s true, “and I can’t keep doing this to ya neither.”

He can see the strain in Ben’s jaw, in his tensed muscles and stiff shoulders. He’s done this to him. Not Phil, not Stuart, him.

“I’m getting married next week,” he sees the flinch in Ben at those words.

“I can’t make you change your mind,” Ben tells him lowly, “but for what it’s worth, I think you’re making a mistake. You’re worth more than living a lie.”

“I’m getting married Ben,” he repeats in a whisper, but he clings to a desperate hope that Ben has a magical solution. “So, what does this mean? For us?”

“ _Us?_ ” Ben barks out a laugh, “there is no us, Callum. There can’t be; you know that.” Ben pulls his hands from Callum’s and clenches his fists. “It’s bad enough you’ve got a fiancée, but she’s talking about having a sprog for your first anniversary. Can’t mess about with kids. It ain’t fair on them. And if we don’t stop this...you’ll never leave her and I’ll be so filled with jealousy and hatred I’ll do something to make you hate me. That I can guarantee.”

Callum’s eyes swim with tears, he knows Ben’s right. Having children has always been something he’s thought he wanted, and Whitney would be a great mum. He promised her that life; promised himself that life.

He can’t keep hurting Ben; “You’re right. You deserves so much more than to be hidden in the dark by a coward, Ben. I can’t keep doing this to you. I want you to be happy.”

He has to do what’s best for Whit and Ben. Callum brushes away tears with his sleeve and kisses him, one last time. Ben holds his arms tight, each of them pouring all their desperation, longing and love and heartbreak into each other.

When they pull apart, breathless and clinging to each other, Ben closes his eyes as Callum buries his head into the crook of his neck; breathing in the scent that only belongs to Ben.

Ben’s lips brush his neck and the shell of his ear as he softly whispers “If you ever decide...” his voice drifts off. He pulls back, raising Callum’s head. His eyes trace every curve and crevice of Callum’s face, as if seeking to memorise every inch. His eyes look brighter than normal but not a drop falls from his eye. “You call me,” he tells Callum gruffly.

Callum surges forward and kisses him roughly before quickly pulling away and marching out the door without a backwards glance. He can’t. If he does he knows he’ll break, end up crying and begging Ben to let things stay the way they are. Don’t send him away.

But that’s selfish, he can’t keep Ben anchored to him in some sort of limbo. Ben deserves to be happy and Callum wants so much to see him loved and looked after. He just aches all over acknowledging that it can’t be him.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have truly been touched by the reaction to my last few chapters. I genuinely never expected to affect anyone in such a way with this little story. I'm truly grateful that you're all so supportive and willing to share your thoughts, feelings and experiences. Thank you all so much. Hopefully the next chapter won't be as emotionally hard for you. xx

A cold bead of sweat runs down his spine, making him shiver and clutch his knees tighter to his chest. He's breathing heavily, his moist breath dampening the hairs on his arms when he exhales shakily, trying his best to control his breathing. The last thing he needs is to wake Whitney and alert her to his situation. Not again. Callum tries his best to ground himself in the small, darkened bathroom, but his heart’s racing and beating erratically. He’s overreacting, being irrational. All he needs to do is calm down and everything will be okay. 

He’s not entirely sure what set him off this time, but he could guess. He’d been lying in bed, with Whit curled up beside him, when his eyes had suddenly snapped open and a heavy pressure had settled on his chest, nearly stealing the breath from his lungs. In a panic, he’d scrambled out of bed, at the last minute remembering his fiancée, and had escaped to the cool, darkness of the bathroom. 

He breathes slowly through his nose, as his fingers dig into the skin of his knees and shins, leaving blood red crescents in their wake. His tries to tell himself there’s no reason for this wild panic coursing through him, but he knows why he’s ended up here.

He’d picked up his wedding suit earlier on, pale grey with pink accents. He’d practically broken out in a cold sweat when he’d seen himself in it at the final fitting. He’d thrown it haphazardly into the wardrobe, but clearly even that hadn’t been enough to erase it from his subconscious mind. 

When he feels more under control, and less weak, he finally moves from the cold floor and leaves the confined room, seeing the morning dawn greet him lazily through the living room windows. Another day dawning, another day closer to the wedding. 

Whit’s chattering is the theme song to his morning, soft, lilting and easy to listen to or ignore. She leaves the apartment, happy and smiling, pressing a kiss to her fiancée’s lips and bouncing down the stairs. Callum stares after her, wishing she could bottle her exuberance and lend it to him.

Lethargically, he gets dressed and starts his day. There’s no service on the books, so he has little to keep his mind distracted. It’s been three days and fifteen hours, give or take a half hour or so, since he walked out of the car lot and left Ben behind him. He hasn’t so much as caught a glimpse of him in that time. No flash of a wicked smirk, no sudden chuckle or sneaky touch. Nothing. 

He’s tried to focus on his work, becoming more determined than ever to get everything right. Jay was impressed with his dedication at first, but now he seems a bit more concerned; frowning in Callum’s direction whenever he thinks he’s not looking. Callum’s caught between wanting to scream at him to stop and beg him to tell him about Ben. How is he? Is he looking after himself, or going out getting drunk and into fights? Or screwing randomers trying to forget how rubbish Callum had treated him?

“Ain’t seen Ben around lately,” he manages when it all becomes too much and nearly overwhelms him.

“No,” Jay’s answer is clipped and succinct. 

“H-he alright?”

Jay finally looks at him, disappointment, anger and sadness moving in shadows across his face. “Sometimes people believe Ben’s false bravado and they think he can’t be hurt.”  
Callum stares at him, eyes wide and throat dry.

“But that ain’t true. Sometimes, I think he feels more than the rest of us, and when it all goes belly up, well; we both know his coping skills ain’t exactly the most healthy.”

“Jay?” Callum says, voice shaking.

“Sorry,” Jay shakes his head and pinches the bridge of his nose, sighing. “I know it ain’t your fault. Ben should know better. I mean you’re getting married in a few days.”

“B-Ben told ya?” Callum can hardly believe the words as they left his mouth, his mind immediately railing against the notion. Ben would never betray him. Not like that.

Jay sends him a wry look, “He didn’t really need to do much telling Callum. It was pretty obvious.”

Callum stares at him, wide eyed and shocked.

“Look, I’ve known Ben a long time, yeah? I know what he’s like when he’s into someone, and it was pretty clear he was into you. Could barely keep his eyes off ya.”

“Really?” Callum’s lips quirk up at the corners, before he catches himself and clears his throat.

“I know it ain’t your fault Callum. I just hate that he’s got himself hurt again.” Jay pauses and bites his bottom lip. Callum stares at him, silently willing him to keep telling him something about Ben. “And it really isn’t like him. He avoids straight men with a ten foot pole normally.” Jay shakes his head sadly. “So what was it? Did he get drunk and make a move?”

“What? No, no, we just...had a chat. Told him I was marrying Whit, but he knew that anyway.”

“A _chat?_ ” Jay replies, confusion furrowing his brow.

“I never meant to hurt him, Jay,” Callum tells him desperately. 

“I know you didn’t mate,” Jay’s face clears and he shakes his head. “Don’t mind me, I didn’t mean to be snappy with you. I’m just worried about him.”

“Is,” Callum hesitates, nearly scared to ask the question, “is he ok?”

Jay smiles sadly, “He will be.”

Jay is focused on work for the rest of the day, and Callum is more concerned about Ben than the fact that Jay obviously at least suspects something. The truth is, he’s been thinking more about Ben than anyone or anything else since that night. Whit, the wedding, Stu, it all seems like irritating background noise, irrelevant to the fact that he hasn’t seen Ben in days. 

He sees Lexi across the square and she waves happily at him while bouncing up and down, until Lola pulls her away with a smile in Callum’s direction. She’s so like her Dad, got bucket loads of energy and an infectious smile.

He walks to the park and sits down at the bench, burying his head in his hands. He remembers how crappy he’d felt when Ben had ignored him for that week after Stuart had beat him up. He remembers how he thought he couldn’t feel much worse, and nearly cries with laughter now. Because it had nothing on _this_. This aching chasm that only seems to grow in his chest now hourly. And if Ben is feeling even a fraction of this, he’s going to be on a self-destructive path again.

He wonders if this is how a recovering addict feels when they go cold turkey. His fingers twitch sometimes when he thinks of running his hands through Ben’s hair, or the breathy sigh he makes when Callum holds him tight and buries his face in his neck after they’ve made love.

And that’s the crux of the problem right there. Because Callum loves Ben. And he never told him. He wishes now he had, even just once. Just admitted it, told him the truth, instead of hiding it away, scared and afraid of what it would mean if he let those words slip out. 

And now he’s lost his opportunity. He can’t just go find Ben and proclaim his love and then walk away. He’s getting married at the end of the week, looming ahead of him like some dark, overwhelming black hole, waiting to suck all the light out of his being. 

Everything about the wedding has been getting under his skin lately. The whole thing is annoying him, making him itch. Whitney and her constant wedding planning, the entire square asking about nothing but how excited he must be for the wedding. 

It’s confusion, not excitement that fills him up. He loves Whitney, he knows he does, but Ben is who occupies his mind constantly; from the moment his eyes open until they finally fall closed again at night. Whit and Ben; they’re so different and he wants to make them both happy. Instead, he’s hurt Ben and is lying to Whit. He’s meant to be marrying her in a few days and it makes the anxiety spike and consume him when he thinks about it for too long. 

How is he going to dress up in a suit and stand in front of a roomful of people and promise to love her and _only_ her for the rest of his life? He can barely hear the word wedding without having a complete meltdown. Last night had been a perfect example. Finding himself locked in a bathroom, anxiety and fear washing over him; from thoughts of getting married to a beautiful, wonderful woman, and of having a child in the not so distant future. He’d ended up a mess, shivering in the dark, eyes swollen and blotchy, wishing he could make everything just stop.

He wishes he could just forget about it, the ceremony, the reception, the guests, the speeches, the whole thing. Because he doesn’t even want to get married!

_He doesn’t want to get married._

His breathing stutters to a halt and he lifts his head, eyes staring unfocused ahead of him. 

_He doesn’t want to get married._

It’s so simple, so obvious. He hadn’t allowed himself to think it before, but now he has, he can’t get the thought out of his head. Something loosens slightly deep in his chest and he blindly finds himself walking to the Vic.


	23. Chapter 23

The Vic is beginning to get busy with the after work crowd in looking for a drink to relax after a busy day. In a daze, Callum locates Mick and pulls him after him, forcing him to follow him upstairs.

“Alright, Highway this better be important. I’ve got a pub to run!” Mick grumbles following the younger man into the kitchen.

“I, I don’t want to marry Whitney.” Callum tells him, before he loses the nerve.

“What are you on about, Halfway?” Mick tenses, eyes narrowing as he focuses on him. 

Callum starts to shake, “I can’t do it, Mick. I can’t!”

“Alright, alright, let’s just take a breath, yeah?” Mick steadies him with a reassuring hand on his arm. “Lots of people get cold feet, it’s normal.”

“No, it ain’t, it ain’t that.”

Mick lets out a weary breath and pulls out the chairs. “Okay, come on, sit down. “

Callum sits at the table, clasped hands resting in front of his face and Mick studies his nervous form attentively. “Now, how about you tell me what this is all about then?”

Callum looks into his friend’s caring gaze and feels his pulse race and breathing catch. “Whitney, she wants a big wedding, with all her family and friends around her. And I wanted to give her that. I thought I could be that, for her, y’know? I thought that’s who I _should_ be, and Whit’s perfect so, if I couldn’t make it work with her, I couldn’t make it work with anyone.”

He glances at Mick, who remains silent, but with eyebrows drawn tightly together as he listens to Callum’s babbling. The undertaker quickly returns his gaze to the table. “But the truth is; I can’t be that. I did love her. I _do_ love her,” he corrects himself, “but not like _that_. I was fooling myself, trying to be something I’m not. I know that now. That’s not who I am.”

Quick glances to his side show Callum the landlord's mind turning and he begins to fidget in the lengthening silence. 

“And who are you?” Mick’s eyes are alight with growing suspicion and Callum suddenly can’t look away from him. 

“I,” he swallows, hands trembling and eyes burning, “I like men. _Only_ men.” He says it in a rush, and he gasps as he finally admits it, out loud and in the open.

Mick’s eyes close and he breathes deeply before looking at Callum. Reaching out, he holds Callum’s hand and squeezes it. “Okay, okay. That’s okay, Callum. I’m proud of ya,” his voice rumbles, but clogged up, “honestly son. I know it ain’t always easy to say that out loud.”

Callum raises wide, bright eyes towards him. “Yeah?”

Mick nods, “Yeah.”

“You’re not, y’know,” Callum gestures feebly with his hands, but Mick just frowns at him.

“Not what?”

“Disappointed?”

Mick shakes his head, “Disappointed? That you’re not straight? You forgotten I have a gay son? No, I ain’t disappointed in _that_ Cal, but you’ve got yourself in a right mess.”

“I know,” Callum deflates and scrubs his hands down his face. “What am I gonna do, Mick? I _can’t_ marry her. How can I tell her?”

“You tell her the truth. You do it now, before things go any further.”

“Yeah,” Callum nods along with him, “she’s going to hate me, ain’t she?”

“She might at first,” Mick tells him, “but she loves you. She’ll forgive you. Especially when she has time to think about it. It ain’t like you were messing about with another girl.”

Callum looks away guiltily and the laughter Mick had let escape quickly disappears. 

“Don’t tell me,” he growls. Callum can’t meet his eyes and the silence seems to stretch between them before Mick speaks again. “It’s, it’s not...Ben, is it?”

Callum blinks at Mick’s guess and the disapproving gaze that comes with it. He suddenly feels himself burning with anger.

“I ain’t gonna apologise,” He snaps back suddenly, surprising himself, but he won’t let Mick or anyone else tarnish some of the only good memories he has of the past few months. He’s well able to do that himself without anyone else’s interference.

Mick’s eyes close and his head drops forward as he runs his hand over the back of his head. “Not me you gotta apologise to, is it Halfway?”

“I love him,” Callum blurts out; clearly his brain has decided it’s time to reveal all his secrets.

“Love?” Mick’s gaze darts to him and his mouth falls open before he snaps it shut.

“Yeah,” he feels a soft smile tug at the corner of his mouth. Despite the complete mess he’s managed to create for all of them, saying out loud that he loves Ben, it makes him happy.

“Well maybe hold off on any grand declarations like that until after you deal with the fiancée, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Callum agrees, sobering up quickly, “God, I have to tell her, don’t I?”

“You already know you do, son.” Mick squeezes his arm, “Thanks for, y’know telling me, Callum. Like I said before, I know it ain’t easy, so I appreciate you telling me. And, just to remind ya, there’s nothing wrong with you.” He shifts his head and blows out a deep breath, “gotta admit, the Ben Mitchell part caught me by surprise. I mean Ben? Really? He ain’t exactly the easiest bloke to get along with.”

Callum rolls his eyes, “you don’t know him. He’s more than a hot headed mouthpiece, Mick. He’s special.”

“Must be, if you fell for him. Just didn’t think he’d be your type.”

“Didn’t think I’d be his either,” Callum smiles down at the table, tracing circular patterns with his thumb. “Have you seen him Mick? He’s been avoiding me. Not that I blame him.”

Mick scrubs a hand down his face and sighs, “Had to chuck him out yesterday.”

“What?” Callum sits up straighter in alarm and Mick grimaces at him.

“Yeah, he was a bit worse for wear and was trying to pick a fight with Keanu. Took a swing at ‘im and all. I had to tell him to sling his ‘ook.”

Callum squeezes his eyes tightly closed; his heart aching for Ben. He knows he’s not responsible for any decisions that Ben makes, but he still feels a sense of ownership over them. “I... I’ve hurt him Mick. So much,” he feels the tears blur his vision and he chokes them down as best he can. “I need to make things right, for Ben and Whitney. But I, I don’t even know where to start.”

“Yes, you do. You start with calling it off with Whit. That girl thinks she’s getting married in a few days. Hen and all planned. Start with clearing that up before you go playing the romantic for Ben.”

“You’re right. Thank you,” Callum launches himself at Mick and sobs into his shoulder. Mick holds him tight, comforting him as best he can. 

“You’re alright, son. You can do this.”


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is one of the first scenes I ever wrote, many months ago. It feels like this scene has been a long time coming, and it's a little longer than usual but I hope you all enjoy it :)

Callum feels sick, his stomach is turning and he’s already chucked what little was in it down the loo. There’s a voice inside his head screaming at him to not do this, it will only hurt Whit and then _everyone will know_. But he ignores it, because he can’t keep going on like this. He can’t keep living a lie, and deceiving Whitney like this. It ain’t right. He could be stopping her from meeting someone who could really love her, someone who could give her the life she deserves and love her like she’s meant to be loved. 

He hears the dull tap of her boots clomping on the stairs and his heart pulls sharply as he braces himself for what’s to come.

“Thank God I’m home. Been one of those days, y’know? D’you fancy a curry for dinner? Feel like a take away tonight.”

“Whit, sit down, I need to talk to ya.”

“Can it wait?” she asks as she bustles over to the phone, “I forgot I’ve to ring the photographer to confirm the date of the wedding.”

“No, it can’t.”

“I’ll only be five min-”

“Whitney,” he snaps sharply at her. 

He looks up at her, and sees the smile on her face quickly slip off.

“Babe, what’s wrong?” She places her hand on his forearm reassuringly and he pulls away, “Callum?”

“It’s about the wedding.”

“What about the wedding? Honestly, Callum if you want something changed, there’s not much I can do about it no-”

“I can’t marry ya,” he blurts out. 

She blinks up at him, an unsure smile on her face, “what? What are you on about?”

He sits back on the couch, pulling her down beside him. He grabs her hands and squeezes them. There's heat rising under his collar and his heart is racing as he holds her gaze.

“I love you, Whitney.”

“I know, Callum. That’s why we’re getting married.”

“No, no, I,” he looks away and takes a breath, “you’re one of my best friends, I love spending time with you, helping you with your work, going out to the pub or just sitting here watching a film. I love all that, but...”

“But what?” Whitney’s voice is shaky and she looks at him like she’s in some sort of horror film.

“I c-can’t marry you Whit. It wouldn’t be fair.”

“I don’t understand! What do you mean? How could it-”

“I can’t make you happy, Whit.”

A relieved smile graces Whitney’s face. “Oh, Callum. You _do_ make me happy. _So_ happy, I love you.”

“No,” he shakes his head at her, “no, I can’t give you what it is you want. And you,” he breaks off, his heart is racing and his hands are sweating. “You can’t give me what I want. You can’t make me happy.”

“Callum,” his name is breathed out and she looks at him frantically. “I know this is probably just cold feet, yeah? We can talk about this, sort it out. Don’t do this. We’ll find a way to-”

“There’s someone else,” he finally interrupts her, jumping up from his seat.  
Her mouth falls open and she stares at him, eyes filled, swimming with betrayal and tears. 

“I’m sorry,” he tells her past the lump in his own throat. “I never meant for this to happen.”

“You were meant to be different,” she whispers, “you were meant to be better than all the other shitty blokes in my life.” She begins hiccupping and stifles them, breathing deeply through her nose.

Callum closes his eyes and hangs his head. “I’m so sorry, Whit.”

“Don’t,” she tells him warningly. “Who is she then?”

He swallows and opens his mouth, but finds the words won’t come out.

“Go on,” she gets out between gritted teeth, “who is it? Ruby, Lola? Who, Callum? Who?” she springs up and rains hits on his arms and chest, tears overflowing, heartbreak evident on her beautiful face.

“It’s not a she,” he chokes out, not bothering to try to stop the tears coursing down his face. He did this; he caused this hurt, this pain to this woman who is so important to him.

She looks at him in disbelief before seeming to deflate in front of him. “I- I don’t understand.”

Callum shifts uncomfortably feeling so small and annoyed with himself. He feels his face turning red and wonders once again why he couldn’t love Whit the way he’s meant to. The way she wants him to.

Whitney opens her mouth once or twice before she’s able to speak. “Are you,” she stops again, “are you telling me you have feelings for another man?”

Callum’s eyes fill with tears and he looks at her helplessly. “Whit, please...”

“Callum,” she snaps at him, her hands shaking, “tell me!”

He feels his chin trembling and he can’t get his mouth to work to confirm the truth, so instead he nods at her, tears rolling down his cheeks as she collapses onto the couch. She sobs and sobs and he feels helpless and useless watching her. He hates himself so much he wants to smash his fists against a brick wall until they're nothing but a bloody mess. Or a tree works just as well, he remembers.

Whitney composes herself eventually, eyes shining bright against her pale skin and running mascara. “Does Jay know?” she finally asks, clasping her hands tightly in front of her.

“What?” Callums looks at her confused. “Jay? What?”

“It _is_ Jay you’re talking about, right? Don’t know who else you’d-”

“It’s not, Jay,” he interrupts her, looking down at the floor.

Whitney is silent and he knows she’s trying to follow what he’s saying and understand how this could have happened. Standing up, she walks over to him, her voice quiet but blank enough to send a warning shiver down his spine when she speaks.

“Who is it, then?”

“Whitney, it doesn’t-”

“Don’t tell me it doesn’t matter Callum. Don’t you dare, not when it obviously matters enough for you to call off our wedding! Who is it?”

Callum searches her face, her anger a palpable force and he can’t deny her. As much as he wants to, as much as he has dreaded this moment, he won’t deny her this.

“Ben,” his name is choked out of him and he sees her eyes widen.

She turns away from him and covers her face with her hands. Her shoulders start shaking and he moves to reach out to her and comfort her when she spins around. He can see that while she’s still crying, she’s also laughing, high pitched and hysterical.

“Is this a wind up? Is that what’s happening here?”

He shakes his head at her, “it’s not a wind up.”

The laughing gradually fades away. “You have _feelings_ for Ben Mitchell,” she says flatly.

“Yes,” he admits, and although he hates that he’s hurting her, a small piece of him is relieved and elated to be able to say it out loud.

“Grindr addict, Ben Mitchell?”

Callum looks away, avoiding her gaze.

“So what? You’re gay now are you?” she accuses him harshly and Callum flinches, knowing she’s lashing out and looking to hurt him.

He can’t bear the look on her face, so he nods to her, keeping his gaze averted.

“How? How did this happen?” her voice shakes but she sounds determined.

“I-I don’t know.”

“What do you mean you don’t know?” she raises her voice.

“I dunno, Whit!” he runs his fingers through his hair and paces to the other side of the room. “Alright? I don’t know. When I was with you in the beginning, you were perfect and I loved being with ya. And I was so happy you wanted to be with me, but then Ben...” he bites his lip as he trails off.

“But, Ben what?” she asks, deceptively calm, but Callum can hear the slight snarl in it. He can tell by how hard she’s clenching her fists she’s barely holding herself together.

“Ben, he’s... I dunno. He suddenly saw me and he was like a hurricane, crashing through my life and turning everything upside down. I never wanted this to happen.”

Whitney sinks down to the couch, tears silently pouring down her face. 

“I care about you so much,” Callum cries, “I never meant for this to happen, I promise ya. I wanted so much to marry ya and to not feel like this. I thought I could do it, but I can’t. I just,” he shakes his head, more tears falling down his face; “I can’t do it.”

“I can’t believe this,” she tells him, looking at him uncomprehendingly. “Everything we were, our plans, our future. It was all a lie.”

“Whitney, please, I did want those things, I did.”

“H-how am I meant to face people? I kept talking about what a sound bloke you were, how happy we were and all this time....You’ve humiliated me. I can’t, I can’t believe you’d do this to me.”

He can’t move he’s rooted to the spot, his eyes drinking in the repercussions of all he’d done. All he and Ben have done. He caused this, every bit of pain and every tear falling from her aquiline eyes. He deserves every sting he feels and he will take that pain.

Eventually, she seems to pull herself together a bit more and looks determinedly across at him. “How long have you...felt like this about him?”

Callum shrugs, “a while,” he admits quietly, “a few months, maybe.”

“Does Ben know?”

He breaks away from her gaze, looking guiltily down at the trousers he’s wearing, rubbing a thumb anxiously against the material.

He hears her suck in a breath, and internally cringes.

“Have you and Ben...?” she breaks off, unable to finish the questions hanging sickeningly in her mind.

Callum nods and she’s over like a shot, pummelling him, screaming her pain and sorrow at him. He takes it willingly from her. 

“How could ya? How could ya do that to me?!” she screams. 

She sags and sobs wrack her frame. He wants so much to comfort her but knows that’s the last thing she wants right now.

Suddenly, she rights herself, eyes flying around the flat. “You have been having an affair with Ben Mitchell. Has he been here? In our flat, in our _bed_?”

Callum winces as he looks at her, “I’m sorry. I know I can’t make this right, I wish there was something I could do to make it better, Whit.”

“Well you can’t, can ya?" She pauses, her eyes narrowing as she stares at him disbelievingly. "That trip you took to help him out..." she drifts off and then scoffs, shaking her head. "That was just an excuse for the two of you to run off together, weren't it? What, needed time away from the overbearing fiancee?" she sneers at him.

"It weren't like that," Callum tries to explain but she interrupts him, not hearing him in her own bubble of hurt and anger.

"God I don’t even want to look at ya! You fooled me completely. I thought you were the best man I had ever known. Turns out I didn’t know you at all.”

He opens his mouth to say something, to argue that she does know him, but he closes it again. She’s too raw, too vulnerable. So he nods and stands up, walking towards the bedroom.

“I’ll get some stuff and be out of your hair.”

“What?” she asks him like he’s an idiot, “you think I’m staying _here?_ Where you were carrying on with _Ben Mitchell?_ ”

He doesn’t know what to say to her, so says nothing. She brushes past him and he sits down on the sofa, head in his hands. Time seems to slow and drag. He doesn't know how long she stays in there, it could be minutes or hours. He hears her muffled sobbing but can't bring himself to go to her, scared he'll only make everything worse. 

She eventually emerges with a bag hastily packed, her face streaked with tears and mascara; expression cold and blank. “I’ll send Tiff for the rest of my stuff.”

“Whit-”

“No, Callum,” she looks at him with fire in her eyes, “you don’t get to talk to me. You see me in the square you walk the other way. I don’t ever want to see or speak to you again.”

He feels his chin tremble and tears fill his eyes. He sees the tears fill her own and she shakes her head. “We had something good,” she tells him softly, “something great. And you gave that all up, for Ben Mitchell?” her nose scrunches in confusion. “The pain you’ve put me through, you’ll feel it soon enough,” she rubs her eyes clear of tears, “Ben Mitchell ain’t gonna love ya Callum. He doesn’t know how to. He’s all about the excitement and the thrill. You? You won’t last a month with him.”

Callum’s tears run quickly down his cheeks and drip off his chin, he shakes his head and she scoffs. “And when he breaks your heart, like you’ve broken mine, don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

She turns and leaves, slamming the door behind her. Callum slumps down against the wall and cries, hating himself, hating Ben, hating the whole mess that he’d created. 

Crying because he wishes Ben was here with him.


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I _did_ promise Ben would be in this chapter...

The Albert is busy, the bass thumping and the drink flowing. Ben had surveyed the talent on offer and dismissed nearly every single one of them. He was all for equal opportunities, but none of the twinks, bears or beef cakes were taking his fancy tonight. 

Tina eyes him warily where he leans against the bar and taps the glass against the counter top.

“Another?” she asks, a little cagily.

He grins and winks at her, “you’re getting the hang at this barmaid gig.”

“Don’t you think you’ve had enough? I’m getting close to cutting you off!”

“You can’t cut me off!” Ben laughs at her, “It’s my bar!”

“No, it’s _Kathy’s_ bar and I don’t think she’d appreciate it if you ended up getting alcohol poisoning from me!”

Ben rolls his eyes and huffs out a breath, “look, this ain’t even close to me being drunk, alright?”

Tina glares at him and he growls, “fine, this will be my last one, promise.”

Tina reluctantly pours him another glass and frowns before moving on to another patron. Ben shakes his head as he watches her go and raises the glass to his lips.

A body jostles him from the side and he turns to give them a piece of his mind when he sees the tall figure and dark hair. His grip on the glass tightens and his heart stops for a moment, because he’d thought for a split second it was....

Anyway, he was wrong; his new companion grinning down at him oozes confidence as he eyes Ben up and down like he’s a piece of meat. Ben returns the favour, considering him objectively. His hair is dark and slicked back, not to the side, hazel eyes instead of blue and a square jaw dusted with stubble. He’s got a bit of a pooch but somehow it suits him. Ben thinks he could be just what he needs tonight.

“Well, well, well,” he purrs, “looks like my night is about to get better.”

“I was just thinking the same thing,” the stranger leans closer to him, and Ben licks his lips. “Name’s Gary, and you are?”

“Whoever you want me to be,” Ben replies draining the rest of his glass.

Gary laughs, “fancy getting out of here, then?”

Ben purses his mouth and looks around, seeing Tina frowning back at him. “Yeah, why not, I’m all done here anyway.”

They leave the bar and Ben’s eyes are still adjusting to the change in light and the ringing in his ears. He’s a little disoriented at first, but the breeze helps him gather his bearings. 

If the cold wind wasn’t enough to sober him up, the sharp slap across his face definitely is. He growls, eyes narrowing dangerously, only now fully taking in the woman in front of him. Whitney is furious, eyes radiating danger and hatred, mascara running in streaks down her cheeks and her hair a mass of pins and untidy hair. The sight makes something dangerous thump a harsh rhythm in his chest.

“Problem, Whit?” he smirks at her, the sadistic part of him taking pleasure in how her fury seems to ramp up even more.

“You can’t bear to see anyone happy, can ya?” she spits at him. 

“Meaning?” he growls back at her.

“Why couldn’t you just leave Callum alone, eh?”

Ben swears his heart skips a beat, and not in a good way. His eyes widen marginally before he drops his gaze, jaw tightening uncomfortably. 

She snorts at him and shakes her head, “Nothing to say for yourself? You’re _pathetic_ , you know that Ben? What, just because Daddy doesn’t love you, you think you’ve got the right to make everyone else as miserable as you are?”

Ben is vaguely aware of Gary moving away from them, probably scared of being caught up in the crossfire. He chances a quick glance at Whitney, but can’t keep holding her gaze, not when his insides are churning and alcohol is still running through his system making everything a little unbalanced. “He told you then?”

“Of course he told me,” she replies coldly, “he’s Callum. He can’t live a lie, can’t marry me when he has feelings for you, now can he?”

Ben’s eyes shoot to her and she looks triumphant and derisive as she looks back at him. “Yeah, that’s right, Ben. You won your little game. Callum called off the wedding because he thinks you care for him too.” She laughs, high pitched and hysterical. “I told him you weren’t capable of it. And look, turns out I was right.” She looks at the tall, dark haired man who looks like a deer caught in the headlights.

“I have nothing to do with whatever’s going on here,” Gary defends himself backing away. “I didn’t sign up for this,” he tells Ben before turning and disappearing into the night.

Ben runs his hands through his hair and Whit laughs harshly at the spot where Ben’s hook up for the night had been.

She turns to him then, looking terrifying and determined, her voice dangerous and menacing.

“I bet you only wanted him because I was with him. What, you were bored so you thought you’d give yourself a bit of a challenge?”

Ben glances furtively around and notices a few stragglers looking in their direction. They look on curiously, but nobody seems particularly interested, probably writing it off as another drunken couple rowing in public.

“Well, come on then!”

“What is it you want, Whit?” Ben asks quietly through clenched teeth. His eyes look around anywhere but back at her.

“Aren’t you going to gloat, Ben? You _won_! isn’t this what you wanted? Proved you could get any man you wanted, right? Why don’t you tell me all about it, eh? When was the first time you stuck your tongue down my fiancée’s throat then?”

His jaw tenses and he flattens his lips, avoiding looking at her for too long. He adjusts his jacket and moves from foot to foot, feeling like a recalcitrant teenager. “I ain’t talking about this with you, Whit,” he tells her, aware her raised voice is attracting more attention.

She laughs, sharp and brittle, her eyes bright and piercing. “Why not, Ben? Thought you’d have a speech prepared already.”

Ben shakes his head, trying to clear it properly and his gaze falls again to the dark ground beneath his feet. “This was never about you, Whit.”

Whitney takes a shaky breath, tears pooling in her eyes, one escaping down her cheek. “Why _him_ , Ben? I just wanted to be happy. Why couldn’t you leave us alone?”

“Happy?” Ben questions her, trying to keep his voice level but finally meeting her eyes, his own blazing with anger, “and what about Callum, hey? Would he be happy living a lie? Would _you_ be happy letting him?”

She sobs quietly, her frame shaking and Ben can’t look at her any more. She suddenly advances towards him, tears forgotten. Like a viper, her hands reach out to grab hold of his face. She pushes back until he stumbles and finds himself pinned against the railings. He could break away if he really wanted to, but he’ll give her this, they both deserve it. 

Her nails, like talons, dig in and with little movement she forces him to look at her. Those nails squeeze little by little and Ben knows it would only take a little pressure for her to leave her mark on him. “You don’t deserve him,” she hisses at him. “You know that, don’t you? He’s too good for you, and you’ll ruin him!”

“Oh, yeah, of course,” Ben snarls, “because _Callum_ is so bloody perfect! Tell me Whit, how good was he when he was running out of your bed and begging to crawl into mine, eh?”

“Shut up!” She snarls at him and lets go, pushing his head roughly to the side against the metal bars. “You are a spiteful, vindictive bastard, Ben Mitchell. I don’t deserve this, and neither does Callum!” She yells before stalking away, leaving Ben behind alone and shaking; heart racing and mind swirling.


	26. Chapter 26

The buzzer rings cruelly enough to jolt Callum out of his maudlin thoughts and self-pity. Hoping, and dreading, that it would be Whitney returning so he could try to make things better, he sprints to the door. As soon as he opens it and sees Ben he can’t help but gather him in his arms. He drags him into him, burrowing into his heat and cradling him while Ben tells him everything is going to be alright. Callum is so relieved to see him, to feel him in his arms again; he ignores the smell of booze and stale cigarettes that cling to him.

“I told her, Ben,” he cries against his shoulder. “I told her, I broke her heart, and I don’t feel any better. Why don’t I feel any better?” he asks him in anguish.

“Shhh, I know, I know, it’ll be ok, Callum. I promise ya.” Ben holds his head up; meeting Callum’s swollen eyes and flushed face. “You did the right thing. For you and for Whitney. I’m so proud of you.”

He brushes his thumbs against Callum’s lips, and the taller man starts sobbing, crushing Ben to him.

Eventually, he pulls away, and wipes at his face in embarrassment. “Sorry.” Callum breathes deeply and closes his eyes, steadying his nerves and racing heartbeat. Finally, he opens his eyes and his brow furrows as he fully takes in Ben standing in front of him. “Actually,” Callum looks confused as he stares down at Ben, “how...did you know? How are you here?”

Ben looks grim as he looks down at his feet, before meeting Callum’s gaze, “I may have bumped into Whitney in the square. Let’s just say she took the opportunity to let me know she knew about...us.”

Callum’s face drains of colour and his heart drops. Ben smiles and continues on. “Got a great manicurist by the way. Talons any falcon would be jealous of,” he rubs his jaw self consciously and looks at Callum from underneath his lashes.

Callum shakes his head in frustration, eyes stinging. “Sorry, I’m sorry. I’m sure this isn’t how you were planning to spend your night.” 

Ben reaches out, places a hand on his cheek in that way that always flusters Callum. “Hey, none of that. Nowhere else I’d rather be. Come on, I’ll make us a cuppa.”

Callum feels his whole being relax as Ben does exactly that. In minutes he produces cups of tea and a packet of chocolate digestives that are easily devoured by the two of them. Ben doesn’t try to talk to him, just sits and lets him work it through on his own, a steady, reassuring presence at his side. Ben already feels a lot more level headed and is ironically pleased that Tina insisted on cutting him off. 

Despite feeling guilty for having Ben in the flat after everything that’s happened, Callum is grateful to have him there. Ben’s face has a bruise blooming around his jaw and he reaches out to trace it cautiously. “That weren’t Stu, was it?”

Ben snorts, but leans into Callum’s touch. “Nah, I’m a popular bloke, Callum. Your brother ain’t my only admirer.”

Callum drops his hand and sighs. Truthfully, he’s thankful Ben’s still in one piece and not in some bloody puddle in a ditch somewhere. Between Ben and Whitney, he feels like he’s reached his limit of worrying.

“Jesus, what a mess,” he eventually says, falling back against the sofa cushions. Ben’s knee presses into his thigh and he turns on the cushion and watches him carefully.

“Woulda been a lot messier if you’d married her. The hard part’s over.”

“Yeah, doesn’t make it any easier, though, does it?”

“It was never going to be easy, Callum. I meant what I said earlier, y’know,” Ben tells him, changing the subject.

Callum raises his eyebrows at him.

“I’m proud of you, Callum. What you did today was brave.”

“Brave?” Callum laughs, “I’m not brave, Ben. I’m fucking terrified.” He runs his fingers through his hair once. “Everyone’s going to hate me.”

“No, they ain’t,” Ben tells him passionately, “and if they do, so what?” He takes Callum’s hands in his and holds them confidently, “anyone who expects you to live a lie and be miserable for the rest of your life just to make them feel happy ain’t worth your worry or your tears.”

Callum just looks at him. Ben, so passionate, righteous and scared of no one and nothing. He wishes he could be more like him. “You’re right,” he replies, “I know you’re right, but it’s hard, Ben. I wish I could just believe that, but I can’t. Mick, Linda, Jay, Whitney. I care about them; I care about what they think of me.”

“I know you do, that’s what makes you so good, you’re always thinking of others.” Ben brushes his hand over the back of Callum’s knuckles. “I ain’t gonna pretend it’s going to be easy. They’ll need time, just like you do, but they’ll come around. If they really love ya, they’ll accept ya.”

“Even Whit?”

Ben sighs and shakes his head. “I dunno Callum, I can’t promise you that. But you did the right thing not marrying her. She’ll see that, someday.”

“I hate that I hurt her.”

“I know,” Ben murmurs, running dark, silky strands through his fingers. “You’re not alone though, Callum. I’m here if you want me to be.”

Callum holds his gaze. “Promise?” he whispers.

“Promise,” Ben had hesitated, but seeing no resistance, he kisses him gently on the cheek, pouring care and affection into Callum.

“I hate that I hurt you too,” Callum tells him, guilt shadowing his eyes.

“Callum, I think you’ve enough on your plate without-”

“No, no, Ben, don’t do that. Don’t give me an out. You’re the most important person in my life. I’ve spent so long trying to be someone I’m not, someone my family would be proud of, someone who could just be ‘normal,’ I ignored the fact that I was hurting the person I cared about most. I put my own fears and cowardice above you and Whit.” He reaches out and gently touches Ben’s face. “You hurt yourself because I hurt you.”

“Callum,” Ben sighs, “getting into fights, ain’t exactly a rarity for me.”

Callum looks at him, with watering eyes and a guilty expression. “Look at you,” his hand shakes as he brushes his thumb below Ben’s lip, where a graze grows from the corner. 

“You know I don’t like seeing ya hurt.”

Ben shrugs, “doesn’t seem to bother ya that much when you’re the one doing it though.”

Callum’s eyes squeeze shut and he hangs his head. Ben grimaces, wondering if he should have sobered up a bit more instead of running round here.

“I heard,” Callum clears his throat, “I heard you took a swing at Keanu in the Vic.”

“Not like he didn’t have it coming,” Ben replies defensively.

Callum shifts forward, closer to Ben and gently cups his face in his hands. “I have,” Callum stops speaking, blinking away the moisture in his eyes and a smile breaking out over his face. “I have missed you _so_ much, Ben. _So much_. And I _hate_ that I hurt you, made you feel less than amazing.”

Ben nervously wets his lips and shrugs. “Think pretty highly or yourself, do ya? I don’t need to have a fight with you to be self-destructive, Callum. It’s in my DNA.”

“Don’t say that,” Callum tells him earnestly, “don’t.” 

“Admit it, the odd cut and bruise adds to my bad boy image, ya love it,” Ben smirks at him.

“You stink of booze, cigarettes and cheap aftershave.”

“That’s none of your business anymore,” Ben snaps at him. 

“I’m not, I’m not having a go, Ben. I’m trying, badly apparently, to apologise for being shit to you.”

Ben deflates and runs a hand through his hair. “I make my own decisions, Callum. Don’t give yourself too much credit.”

Callum opens and closes his mouth a few times and Ben waits patiently for him to say whatever it is he’s working up to. Callum colours and looks away, embarrassment and shyness warring on his half hidden features, and Ben feels butterflies flurry within his stomach. “Will you stay?” Callum’s voice shakes, but he meets Ben’s eyes and can’t look away, “please?”

Ben’s throat is dry so he clears it and nods his head. “Course I will. Come here,” Ben pulls him into a hug, resting Callum’s head against his neck and kissing the taller man’s shoulder. He feels him relax, his large hands resting against his back and hip like he’s scared he’ll suddenly be pulled away from him.

“Think I could take a shower first?” Ben asks, “doesn’t do much for a bloke’s ego when he’s told he stinks like a cheap, chain smoking, alcoholic.”

Callum huffs a laugh, “there’s a spare toothbrush in the bathroom cupboard you should make use of too.”

“Charming. You really know how to make a boy feel special.”

“Ben?” Callum calls after him, “I’m glad you’re here.”

Ben ducks his head, nodding gently before he disappears into the bathroom. They go to bed shortly after Ben emerges; all warmed pink skin, damp hair and freshly washed.   
Callum's heart does a little summersault in his chest when he sees him sauntering into the room, with a confident smirk. Ben’s presence is enough to ground Callum as they settle in the bed, a comfortable silence settling over them. Callum watches Ben in the dimness, and aches to snuggle up to him and wrap him in his arms. It just feels wrong, now that he thinks about how Whit had been wrapped around him only twenty four hours ago.

Callum struggles to sleep all night, barely dozing off before he’s awake again to memories of Whit’s tear streaked face and harsh words. He tries to figure out how he’s feeling now. He still feels incredibly guilty and hurt about Whitney, about how long he’d let this go on for. Deceiving her, lying to her, making her believe she was the only person in his life he loved. His stomach roils and tightens sickeningly when he thinks about the future. Everything that had been planned and mapped out before him has suddenly disappeared, and he's left with nothingness stretching in front of him. There's nobody to tell him what to do, no overbearing father, no commanding officer, no fiancée. Just him. For the first time in twenty eight years he's given himself full rein of his life and he's floundering over what to do with it. 

But behind all that, behind the pain and hurt and self-recrimination, he feels relieved, and a sense of calm. He can’t remember the last time he woke up in his flat and didn’t feel like the world was pressing on his shoulders, slowly breaking him down. He turns his head to look at Ben snoring softly, and feels a smile spread across his face. Maybe, if he's very lucky, some of that nothingness could be filled by an overconfident, cocky, dodgy dealing, loving, incredible car salesman. If he's lucky.

When morning dawns, there’s warm skin under his fingertips and his nose is buried between Ben’s neck and shoulder. He opens his eyes and blinks slowly, surrounded by Ben. He feels Ben’s fingers running through his hair and how his legs are tangled with Callum’s. They’re both dressed in boxers and t-shirts but somehow his hand has managed to wedge itself just inside the hem of the dark boxers, lying possessively against smooth skin.

He feels a momentary stab of panic when he realises its morning and Ben and he are lying completely entangled together. If Whitney catches them, she-

He breaks off as last night suddenly comes flooding back to him, Whitney’s face streaked with tears, her angry words and sharp hits. He breathes slowly through his nose, hating that feeling of hurting her so badly. 

He’s distracted by Ben humming above him, and he looks up as Ben looks down at him, squinting in the morning light and a small, lopsided smile on his face.

“Morning, handsome.”

“Morning,” Callum replies, smiling shyly at him.

“So, how ya feeling this morning?”

“Ain’t that normally my line?” he teases him gently.

“Not this morning,” Ben presses a lingering kiss to his forehead, “So how are ya?”

Callum shrugs, “I dunno, upset, guilty, angry.” 

Ben sighs and goes to pull away, but Callum keep a strong hold of him. “But also, relieved, happy.”

“I’m glad. I’m here for you, if you want me to be. I understand if you want me to keep my distance for a bit though.”

“No!” Callum interrupts hastily tightening his grip on him, “no, I, I need you Ben. Now more than ever. I know I ain’t been fair to ya in the past, and I wouldn’t blame you for walking away and never looking back, but. I’d rather have you with me.”

“Then you have me,” Ben tells him, kissing his forehead. 

Callum pulls back and looks at him in wonder. “Just like that? I’ve treated you...so badly,” his voice shakes and Ben’s face softens as he gazes down at him. “You deserve so much better than that, Ben. Why do you even bother with me?”

Ben sighs, “Why do ya think, hmm?”

Callum looks like he’s genuinely trying to think of a good answer, mouth moving silently, forehead furrowed adorably. “I know you said you like me, but honestly, I’m at a bit of a loss.”

Ben rolls his eyes and pokes him in the chest, drawing his attention back him. “Well if you can’t work it out, I’m not telling ya. You have to start pulling your weight, mister.”

“What?”

Ben shakes his head and smiles fondly down at him, “Don’t worry about it, how about breakfast then?”

Callum’s soft smile echoes Ben’s, “Yeah, alright. Scrambled eggs on toast alright?”

“Yeah, but cut ‘em into soldiers, yeah?”

Callum rolls his eyes and smacks him lightly on the chest, “Yeah, alright ya big kid.”

Ben grins, winking at him and bounding out of the bed. “Hey, Ben,”

“Yeah?”

“Thanks, for, y’know...staying last night. It means a lot.”

“Well I didn’t get any better offers, did I?” his smirk softens and he pulls open the bedroom door, “Now come on lazy bones, you promised me egg soldiers, and I do love a man in a uniform so get to it soldier boy.”


	27. Chapter 27

Callum paces around the living room, skin itching and feeling on edge. Ben had to collect Lexi from school and then had ‘work stuff’ to sort out. He’d rather not think too much about what that entails, but it’s meant he’s been alone most of the afternoon and nothing was working to distract him.

The buzzer screeches harshly, making his heart jolt uncomfortably and he stares at the door in trepidation, frozen to the spot. The second sharp ring wakens him from his stupor. He quickly moves towards the phone.

“Hello?”

“It’s me,” Tiffany’s flat voice tells him and he buzzes her in, hands sweating so he rubs them against his jeans anxiously.

She appears with dead eyes and looks him up and down, face devoid of emotion. “I’m here for Whit’s stuff.”

“Course,” Callum nods his head, “h-how is she?”

“Seriously?” Tiff looks at him, “how d’you think she feels after her fiancée called off their wedding a few days before because he was having it off with someone else?”

Callum grimaces and runs a hand through his hair. “I don’t get it,” Tiff says, frowning at him, “why’d you propose to her if you didn’t want to marry her? Ain’t like she was demanding a ring.”

Callum looks at her wide eyed and swallows around a dry throat. “I, I, uh, I thought it was the right thing to do. And I wanted her to be happy.”

“Don’t care so much about her being happy now though, do ya?”

“She’d be more unhappy if I’d married her, Tiff.”

“I thought you were a wet blanket. Dull, but safe enough for Whit. Turns out once you got your end wet you couldn’t stop. Same as all the other blokes. Don’t really feel the need to stay and chat more, Callum.” She holds up a few suitcases, “I got a job to do,” and disappears into the main bedroom.

Ben arrives in the middle of Tiff’s packing and Callum makes sure he keeps his distance while looking over his shoulder towards the bedroom.

“Everything alright?” Ben asks carefully.

“Er, yeah. Just, Tiff’s here collecting Whit’s stuff.”

“Right, well I guess I’ll order the takeout and you can get the Netflix setup then.”

“Ben,” Callum hisses.

“What?” Ben shrugs his shoulders and digs out his phone from his pocket. “As far as she’s concerned we’re just two mates hanging out. Nothing to get worked up over.”

“I’m all done,” Tiff announces as she appears in the living room again. She remains cool towards Callum and looks Ben up and down when she spies him.

“Sorry, darling,” Ben winks at her, “you ain’t my type.”

She wrinkles her nose at him. “As if, grandpa. What you doing here anyway?”

“I’m here to teach him Chinese,” Ben drawls.

Tiff’s nose scrunches up and she narrows her eyes at him. Ben rolls his eyes at her. “Use that brain I’m sure you’ve got under all that hair.”

Tiff’s back straightens and Callum can see her bristling. “Uh, he’s uh, he’s just here to keep me company.”

Tiff’s mouth purses and her brow furrows as she glances between the two of them.

“Find everything ok?” Callum asks her, quickly.

Tiff shrugs her shoulders and her face clears. “Yeah, I think so. If I forgot anything I guess I’ll be back.”

“I, uh, I gathered some things from the bathroom and round the flat,” Callum tells her, lifting a bag from the floor. “I packed them in here for ya. I, I packed the Led Zepplin t-shirt in here too. I mean, I know it’s technically mine, but she always likes to sleep in it so...”

Ben scratches his forehead and presses his lips tightly together while Tiff takes the bag from Callum without changing her blank expression. “Hope you’re not expecting a thank you.”

Callum says nothing and looks down towards the floor, shifting uncomfortably. Tiff scoffs and turns on her heel.

“Bye then,” Ben calls out as the door slams shut after her. “Rude,” he mutters, turning towards the taller man. “So, Netflix?”

Callum rips his gaze from the door and smiles wanly at Ben. “Go on then. What you in the mood for?”

“Don’t mind,” Ben unlocks his phone and frowns at it as he searches for the local pizza place. “Your choice, babe,” he says distractedly and raising the phone to his ear, “Yeah, hi, I’d like to make an order for delivery.”

Callum can’t stop the flush staining his cheeks or the soft smile as Ben orders their food. He sorts through Netflix searching for something until Ben sits down on the sofa beside him. “Netflix is great, right?”

“Hmm,” Ben hums in agreement beside him.

“But you could get lost tryna find something. I mean by the time you sort through the films you coulda watched one!”

“Try not to get too stressed out about it, Callum. It’s just Netflix. Find the first film you like and we’ll watch that; or if you want, we can binge watch something. Have you seen “The Good Place” yet?”

“No.”

“Give it here then,” Ben grabs the remote from him and finds it, grinning triumphantly. “This’ll be right up your alley Callum, dead people, sunshine, Ted Danson. What’s not to love?”

Callum smiles back at him, settling back into the sofa, shoulder knocking against Ben’s as they watch through the first episode.

A short while later, the buzzer goes and Ben walks to the door. “Takeout’s here,” he calls out towards Callum as he makes his way to the bedroom to get one of his more comfy t-shirts. Ben smiles softly, watching him walk away as he opens the door for their delivery.

He doesn’t see the punch hit him square in the jaw, but he feels the bull of a man pinning him against the back of a chair.

“Fucking hell!” he laughs, derisively. “That how you normally make an entrance, is it?”

“You think you’re so funny,” Stuart spits, his muscles barely restrained and eyes filled with hatred. “You won’t be laughing when I plant you in the ground! Taking advantage of my brother, are ya? You’re no good for him, Mitchell!”

“Stuart?!” Ben hears as Callum come running into the room, “what the hell are you doing! Get off him!”

Stuart turns his fiery gaze to Callum. “I warned ya! Didn’t I warn ya?! He’s messing with your head Callum, making you think you’re as disgusting as him. Now, he’s ruined everything for ya!”

“No, he ain’t,” Callum insists, “He didn’t do this.”

“You should listen to your brother,” Ben interjects.

“You shut your filthy mouth,” Stuart hisses.

“Oh, why don’t you make me, big man?”

“Ben!” Callum calls out to him desperately. Ben meets his eyes and remains silent.

“Stuart, let him go. Now!”

Stuart leans into Ben more, the smaller man smirks at him and Stuart sees red. He raises his arm, fist clenched. Before he gets a chance to hit Ben, Callum swings him around and hits him, hard, on the cheek. He shakes his hand out and growls at his older brother. 

“I told you to leave him alone. _I’m_ the one who broke it off with Whitney. Ben didn’t make me do anything. So if you want to hit anyone, you can hit me.”

“You’re confused, bruv. That’s what people like him do,” Stuart insists, “you’re a sensitive lad and he’s taken advantage, of ya.”

“He’s sensitive alright,” Ben mutters, testing his jaw with his fingers. 

“Ben,” Callum reprimands him. Ben puts his hands up and backs up a few steps.

“Look at him,” Stuart sneers, “infecting your mind, making you think you’re something you ain’t. Like one of them!”

“I _am_ one of them,” Callum shouts at him, grabbing his brother’s shirt. Stuart pulls away and shakes his head.

“No, you ain’t. It’s him.”

“No,” Callum tells him forcefully, “it’s not him, it’s _me_. This is who I am. I,” he pauses and takes a breath, feeling Ben standing by him. “I’m gay Stu, and if you can’t accept that...if you can’t accept Ben...” he looks over his shoulder and Ben holds his gaze, looking at him reassuringly. He turns back to Stuart, “if you can’t accept that, then it’s best if you don’t come around here no more.”

Stuart stares at him uncomprehending, and then clenches his fists and marches out the door without another word. Callum closes it behind him, sagging against the wood, exhausted and shaken.

Ben wraps his arms around him, kissing his shoulder. “You’re amazing, you are.”

Callum closes his eyes before turning around and taking in Ben’s face. “Oh, Ben,” he sighs, wincing in sympathy with Ben as his fingers tenderly run beneath his split lip. 

“Callum,” Ben tells him, “don’t take this the wrong way, but, your brother’s a wanker.”

Callum chuckles and cups Ben’s face, drawing him closer. “Come on, guess we’d better get you cleaned up.”

“Ooh, finally managed to get that nurse’s outfit did ya?”Ben’s eyebrows waggle and Callum just shakes his head as he leads him the familiar path towards the bathroom.


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Callum with a little bit of Lexi thrown in :)

Ben’s not sure what he really expected when Callum came clean with Whitney, but it wasn’t this. There’s an uneasiness sitting in the pit of his stomach. The initial elation he’d felt when Callum had welcomed him into his flat and let him take care of him. The joy he’d experienced waking up with Callum clinging to him like a limpet has gradually faded. Of course he’d been thrilled to get his hands on him again, without the nagging guilt in the back of his mind. Callum has a body made for sin and Ben is more than willing to indulge it.

Hearing Callum moan his name, desperate and pleading in equal measures is something he’ll never tire of. It’s haunted his dreams more times than he’d care to count. But, it’s been nearly two weeks since the truth came out and Callum’s reluctance to leave the safe haven of his flat has become an issue. So much so, that their physical relationship has taken a bit of a back seat.

He’s casually suggested going to the park or out for a quiet drink and Callum just...refuses point blank, every time.

“One drink, Callum,” Ben tries to reason with him, “we’ll find the darkest corner in E20, nobody’ll pay any heed to us.”

Callum practically goes rigid; his hand shaking so much, Ben grabs a hold of it. 

“Look,” Ben reasons, “I ain’t asking you to bend me over the bar and have your wicked way with me. But it would do you good to get out of this place. A quiet drink, just you and me, two mates sharing a pint. We can even get Jay and Lola to come with,” he looks away and rubs his eye. “Nobody needs to know anything about us.”

Callum’s heart plummets in his chest when he spots Ben’s tell, that nervous gesture he does when he’s feeling vulnerable and Callum’s the cause of it. He feels ashamed of himself that he’s made Ben question their relationship. He can feel him drawing away and knows it’s his own fault. 

“I, I just,” he stutters, “I can’t, Ben. I can’t stand being the one they’re all pointing at and talking about. I hate it!” 

Ben nods his head slowly and clears his throat. “You know the longer you hide away the worse it’ll get.”

“Not today, Ben,” Callum looks away, “Maybe tomorrow, yeah?”

Ben regards him in silence for a moment and then sighs. “It’s fine, Callum. You need a bit of time. I understand that. I, uh, I’ve actually got to head on anyway. Promised Lola I’d put Lexi to bed.” 

Callum calls out to him, but Ben ignores him and keep going, that roiling uneasiness in his stomach growing by the minute. 

Callum feels like a failure as he watches Ben walk away from him. Ben’s been, well amazing. He’s been around every day, and he’s loved it. They’ve been lounging around binge watching series Ben seems to think are a travesty that he hasn’t watched and eating too much. 

And the sex...well, being with Ben has always been exciting. While they may not have gone ‘all the way,’ as they say, Ben has a very talented mouth, and hands. They’ve just been hanging out, and it’s been great, but a small alarm has been ringing quietly in the back of Callum’s head the last few days that he’s finding difficult to ignore. 

Ben hasn’t pushed him, hasn’t prodded; he’s just _been_ there. Callum is so grateful for that, and he feels so relaxed being with him here in the flat but he’s seen the uncertainty and the concern growing on Ben’s face day by day. There’s self-doubt growing there, and Callum has tried to reassure him, but he knows he’s failing. They still touch each other affectionately, but Callum has sensed a reluctance in Ben recently, and he knows he’s the reason for it. 

He’s spent so long hiding who he is, what he feels, he doesn’t think he can just suddenly go out with Ben casual as you like.

Callum has left the building once so far. He’d gone to the Minute Mart when he’d run out of milk, the day before he was meant to get married, and it just felt like the entire square was staring at him. It’s different without Ben with him; he’s more vulnerable, more aware of others around him.

“Shame about the wedding,” Honey had said, all big eyes and curious smiles. “Still, probably best to find out these things before the wedding than after, hey?”

“Wh-what things?” Callum’s heart rate had picked up and he could feel a line of sweat begin to break out on the back of his neck. 

Honey blinked owlishly at him, “Oh, I-I, I don’t know, whatever happened. I mean the wedding _is_ cancelled isn’t it? I told the kids we could go to one of the big parks after all. I’d hate to have to let them down now.”

“Uh,” Callum opened his mouth but nothing seemed to come out. He cleared his throat and fired the fiver at her, gathering up the milk hurriedly. “Yeah, yeah it is. Keep the change.”

He left the Minute Mart in a hurry, nearly crashing into Sonia, who glared at him, with fire in her eyes. “Proud of yerself are ya? Have you got any idea what you’ve done? That girl’s in bits over there because of you.”

“I, I’m sorry, I never wanted-”

“Oh, save it,” Sonia snarled, “I ain’t interested.”

He turned on his heel and walked as quickly as he could away. Something had made him look across the square and he’d nearly stumbled as he’d been confronted with Whit, not looking angry, but just sad and lonely. He’d been frozen until she darted away inside, and he’d followed her lead keeping his head down but feeling eyes like daggers digging into him. Looking at him like he was some sort of oddity or specimen in an experiment. The whispers and surreptitious glances had been too much and while he was more than relieved to have admitted the truth to Whit, he couldn’t handle the way he seemed to be fodder for the local gossips.

Jay had been good enough to let him stay in the office, claiming that he and Big Nige could handle the services. Honestly, he thinks Jay’s just glad to have an excuse to get Callum to do all the paperwork. A flight of stairs is all that separates his day from his night. 

And he’s terrified that Ben has finally had enough. Enough of Callum being weak and cowardly. He’d sent him texts, which had gone ignored all night. This morning he woke up early and sent him another.

_I miss you. Please come round to the flat._

After an hour without a response, he tries again.

_Let’s go somewhere Ben, just the two of us. You’re right, I need to get out of here._

_I’ve got Lexi today._

Callum’s heart races hopefully when he gets the reply.

_Bring her too. Let’s do something together._

Lexi’s quick, light footsteps and sing song voice drift up the stairwell before she finally appears at the door of the flat, big eyes taking in everything around her. 

“It’s not fair!” she finally declares, a sullen pout on her face.

“I thought I told you to be nice,” Ben reminds her. 

Callum kisses Ben lightly on the lips, squeezing his arm affectionately. “I’m glad you’re here,” Callum whispers to him, before turning his attention to the blonde girl.

“What’s not fair?” Callum grins down at Lexi, accepting the hug she eagerly gives him once she’s spotted him.

She mumbles something unintelligible against his stomach and Callum pulls her back, “Say that again?”

“Why do you get to have pink walls and flower wallpaper, and I can’t get _one_ pink ceiling?” she crosses her arms and glares at Ben, “Callum ain’t even a girl!”

“I dunno, princess,” Ben muses, as he smirks at Callum, “you braid that floppy hair of his and splash on a bit of makeup and I think he’d make a right pretty girl. Besides, who said boys can’t like pink?”

Lexi’s eyes brighten, “Can I do your makeup Callum?” her eyes, big and radiating a greater innocence than she has, stare up at him and he gapes at her while Ben chuckles behind him. 

“Don’t think you’ve the right supplies with you, darling.”

“Aww,” Lexi pouts.

“Er, maybe some other time, yeah?” Callum smiles at her, patting her shoulder reassuringly. 

Lexi huffs dramatically and throws herself down on the sofa, “When are we going to the pictures?”

“Soon, baby,” Ben soothes her, before smiling carefully at Callum. “Fancy it then? Pictures with madam here, and chips after?”

“Really?” a smile spreads across Callum’s face, “you don’t mind me coming?” he asks Lexi.

“Not if you buy me popcorn.”

“Oi,” Ben points at her, “what have I said about minding your manners.”

“Well, he asked,” she mutters.

Callum laughs and hunches down beside her. “How about popcorn _and_ a coke, eh?”

Lexi grins and springs forward, marching towards the door. “I like him,” she tells her Dad. Ben smiles at Callum and kisses him lightly on the lips. “I do too, Lex.”

Callum squeezes his arm, lost in the warmth of Ben’s gaze.

“Come on!” Lexi whines, “we’re gonna be late!”

“She’s right,” Callum agrees, “we better be going.”

“Alright, alright,” Ben answers, “let’s get moving then.”

Ben reaches out and cups Callum's jaw, his thumb brushing beneath his full bottom lip. "You can do this, Callum," he murmurs to him.

Callum lets out a deep breath, and turns his face to brush his lips against Ben's palm.

"Got you with me, don't I? Nothing I can't do with Ben Mitchell beside me," he smiles gently.

Ben's returns the smile and shakes his head. "Such a charmer."

"Come on!" a shrill voice screams up the stairs.

Ben rolls his eyes, "think that's our cue."

All things considered, the film had been pretty good. Plenty of musical numbers for the kids and a dash of humour thrown in for the adults. Callum had listened bemusedly as Ben discussed the merits of the story and characters with Lexi. It was clear it wasn’t just his daughter who’d wanted to see the cartoon. 

“Can I get a burger with my chips?” Lexi asks her Dad.

“Yeah, that’s fine sweetheart.”

“And an ice-cream afterwards?” she tries, smiling hopefully up at him.

“That will be a no,” Ben tells her. “Your mum is already giving me an earache about the amount of rubbish I let you eat, so it’s one of the other.”

Lexi looks at Callum and shrugs in defeat. “It was worth a try. Burger then.”

“Good choice,” Callum reassures her with a wink. “Can’t beat a burger and chips.”

“Are we getting Uncle Ian’s chips?”

“Yep. Soon as we get off the tube, we’ll head straight there. I promise.”

“Or,” Callum offers hopefully, “what about a place nearby? I know somewhere that does great chips. Owned by an Italian family and nobody makes chips like the Italians, right?” 

Ben narrows his eyes at Callum and he feels himself flushing under his stare. “A change might be nice, that’s all.”

“Okay,” Ben says slowly, “somewhere _away_ from the square it is.”

“Ben,” Callum reaches out and takes Ben’s hand, squeezing it gently, “That’s not what I-”

“It’s fine Callum,” Ben interrupts him, pulling his hand away, “Like you said, a change will be good,” he turns to his daughter, “you just don’t go telling Uncle Ian we were giving our custom to the competition, yeah?”

Callum feels his stomach drop knowing he’s hurt Ben when that was the last thing he wanted to do.

Ben and Lexi continue to talk easily about the film and Lexi’s plans for dance lessons and acting lessons so that she can become a ‘triple threat.’ Callum pipes in every now and again, but feels the underlying tension with Ben, and sees it in his tense shoulders and tight jaw.

He’s thinking of ways he can make it right the whole tube ride back to the square; probably thinking too much about it if Lexi’s unhappy face is anything to go by when he doesn't hear a question she's asked.

“Ben,” Calum says quietly, while Lexi skips ahead a few steps. “I didn’t mean anything by it, honestly. I just thought you’d like the chipper.”

Ben lowers his head and runs a thumb over his forehead. “Yeah, maybe I overreacted a bit. But,” he sighs and stops walking, turning face Callum.

“But what?”

“Lexi,” Ben calls, “hold up for a moment, will ya?” Lexi stops her skipping and presses her nose against a nearby shop window.

“But what Ben?”

“I’m worried about ya, alright?” he admits, “things ain’t right, Callum. You know that. Maybe you should think about seeing someone.”

“What, like a shrink?”

“Considering everything you’ve been through recently, it mightn’t be a bad idea.”

Callum stops the immediate denial that jumps to his lips, knowing it’s his father’s voice behind it. His pace begins to speed up and he moves away from Ben, needing a bit of distance.

“Everything alright?” Ben asks him, although there is a stiffness to his voice that Callum doesn’t like. He doesn’t miss the way Ben hesitates to hold his hand the closer they get to the square.

“Ben,” Callum moves closer to him, his hand drifting out to take Ben’s, squeezing tenderly when-

“Callum?”

Callum’s head snaps to the right so quick he winces. “Mrs C,” he swallows thickly, eyes widening as he sees Linda Carter and Mick approaching them. Her head is cocked questioningly to the side as she takes in the trio. Ben, Lexi and Callum. More specifically, noting how Callum and Ben are standing a little too close, and holding hands a little too intimately to be considered platonic. Like a coil, Callum’s arm snaps back to his side and he shifts uncomfortably under her perceptive gaze, his heart racing and eyes wide.

“Well,” she smiles as if she’s taken aback, “isn’t this...cosy.”

“L,” Mick murmurs warningly.

“What Mick? I’m just saying, it’s nice to see Callum out and about enjoying himself with....with Ben. Hard to believe only a few days ago you were planning to marry Whitney. Now you’re....”

“Linda!”Mick takes her arm and she purses her lips.

“I wanted to wear my princess dress to the wedding,” Lexi sighs sadly.

“You weren’t the only one hoping to wear a dress, darling,” Linda mutters.

“I think that’s enough, now,” Ben says dangerously, glancing at Callum’s pale face and large eyes. “You alright?” he asks Callum softly.

“Eh, yeah, yeah, I’m good. I, uh, I’ll see you tomorrow, yeah?”

Ben nods stiffly and turns to Lexi. “Come along, princess,” he takes his daughter’s hand, “time to go.”

“I like your jacket,” Lexi tells Linda, hands reaching out to the touch the pink coat with gold zipper as she walks past.

“Thank you, sweetheart,” Linda smiles down at her, tugging at the hem. 

“I, I should...” Callum doesn’t finish the sentence, just turns and leaves as fast as he can to the refuge of his flat. If Linda Carter’s so upset just by seeing him with Ben, how’s everyone else going to react?

“Callum,” Mick calls but he ignores him, stuffing his hands in his pockets and heading towards his flat.

“Now look what you’ve done!” Callum hears Mick hiss at his wife before he’s moving fast enough to be unable to hear her reply.


	29. Chapter 29

Callum’s eyes feel like they’re going to fall out of his head, he’s so tired. He’d spent a sleepless night tossing and turning thinking over everything that happened. Everything that Ben had said and that accusing look on Linda Carter’s face. It stabs him in the chest that he’s done something to make her feel badly about him. She was the closest thing he’d had to a mother after his own had disappeared. 

Beneath the shame and guilt is anger. Anger at Linda for confirming some of his worst fears. Anger at himself for being too much of a pansy, as his father would say, for caring what people think. 

Maybe Ben was right in what he’d said all those weeks ago. Maybe he really isn’t worth the hassle. The truth is, he’s terrified Ben’s reached his limit. Finally had enough of waiting around and is ready to throw in the towel. Even after he’s called off the wedding and his relationship with Whitney, it still feels like he’s being unfair to Ben. Doesn’t _feel_ like it, he _is_ being unfair to Ben. 

He feels unbalanced, like the earth is constantly shifting beneath his feet and Ben is standing on solid ground, offering his hand to pull him onto terra firma but he can’t reach him.

The paperwork is in piles scattered across the desk, with no logical order. Normally burying himself in paperwork helps focus him. Putting things in order, the repetition of movement and action, filing things where they belong; it all helps to organise his mind. But thoughts of gossiping neighbours, of Ben, of how everything has changed, and yet nothing has, are constantly buzzing like a swarm of wasps in the back of his mind.

He leans back in the chair and rubs his eyes vigorously, as if that would somehow make it all stop. Callum straightens up when he hears a rap on the door.

“Mrs C,” he swallows as he spots the local landlady hovering on the threshold.

“Can I come in?”

“If you want,” Callum gestures to the chair in front of the desk and she gives him a small smile as she sits down. They sit in silence for a few moments, neither seemingly able to start talking.

“I’m not used to seeing you in here,” Callum finally says, “finally had enough of Mick, then?” he jokes weakly.

She smiles at him, “not yet, need him to tell me when I’m acting the fool, don’t I? He’s safe for now.”

Callum chuckles and nods his head, tracing the edge of a page with his thumb nervously.

“I just wanted to,” she starts and then stops. “Well, to be honest, I’m not sure where to start, Callum.”

Callum looks at her, confusion painted across his face. 

Linda sighs. “I should have done this at the Vic, a glass of wine might make this easier,” she muses. 

“Sorry, Jay don’t allow alcohol in the office. There used to be a bottle of whiskey but then Ben found it and he....well, we don’t keep alcohol in the office anymore,” he colours as he mumbles his response.

Linda clears her throat, “It’s okay, do me good not to have a drink, right?”

Callum shifts uncomfortably and rubs his fingers together in agitation.

“Y’know,” Linda starts, “I remember when you were younger. You were such a sweet, gangly boy. But so awkward, it always seemed like you still had to grow into your features,” she grins at him. “I thought of you as another one of our boys. I know Mick feels the same. You’re a part of our family, Callum.”

“Thank you,” Callum whispers, scared to look away from her in case this is just a dream.

“I always hated Jonno for how he treated you. And Stu too I suppose, but _especially_ you, Callum. You were so kind and gentle. I hated how he’d yell and berate you, as if _he_ was an example of what a man should be,” she scoffs.

“You were always good to me,” Callum acknowledges, dipping his head, “I loved being round yours. Loved being with you and Mick; Nancy and the boys, they’re some of the best times of my life,” he admits with a soft look on his face.

“And we loved having you,” Linda looks misty eyed as she remembers her children growing up. “How I acted last night,” she pauses and looks away from Callum. “It wasn’t that I disapprove, or hate that you’re with Ben. It’s just...it’s just a shock, is all. I’d heard the rumours, of course.”

“Rumours?” Callum asks anxiously.

“Yeah,” Linda tells him wearily, “about how Whit had ended it because you’d been cheating on her and, well I didn’t take to well to that.” She smiles tightly at him, “told them there was no way that could be true. Not the Callum Highway I know, he wouldn’t do something like that. Not to Whitney, not after everything she’s gone through. Everything our Lee put her through. And when I heard Tiffany Butcher insinuating about how Ben was making himself at home in the flat, well, let’s just say she got a talking to and all. Nearly barred her, if I’m being honest.”

“Linda,” Callum replies, shame filling him up, “I never meant to hurt Whitney. I swear to you, I’d never want to hurt her.”

“I know,” Linda tells him, “I know you didn’t, because you’re still Callum Highway, the little boy who gave Nancy his ice-cream because she dropped hers. It was just the shock of it. I couldn’t understand how that sweet boy I knew could hurt someone he cared about so much. And after all I’d defended you, yelling the odds...seeing you with Ben, playing happy families...” she pauses and gives him a wry look. “Mick gave me a right earful when we got home.”

“Really?”

“Yeah,” Linda laughs darkly, “explained a few things. One of the few times he got on his high horse. And then I got to thinking, thinking about that little boy, about how his Dad brought him up, about how hard he worked to get his Dad’s approval and, well, I get it.”

“Yeah?”

She nods, “Yeah.”

“Well that makes one of us,” Callum mumbles. “Because I don’t. I don’t get how I spent 28 years hiding who I was, how I could string Whitney and Ben along like I did.” He runs a hand through his hair in frustration. “And I don’t get why I care so much about what other people think! You and Mick, you’re important to me, and what you think matters. But why do I care what Honey thinks? Or Karen Taylor, or some kids on the square? What’s wrong with me? Ben said the hard part’s over, but, but it doesn’t feel like it!”

Linda looks at him with care and sympathy shining in her eyes. “There’s nothing wrong with you, Callum. How much you care and how kind you are...they’re your greatest strengths. But don’t let them be your biggest weaknesses. It’s alright to care what people think, but not to a point where it stops you being happy. Where it hurts you and the people you care about. And you care about, Ben, yeah?”

Callum nods, “yeah, yeah I do.”

“Well that’s good then,” she smiles at him.

“H-he thinks I should, maybe, see someone. Y’know t-to talk to about all this stuff.”

“Really? Maybe that ain’t such a bad idea. Might help to talk it all out.”

“I wouldn’t even know where to start,” he admits with a curl to his lip.

“You’ll find your way,” Linda says with conviction, “I know you will. Ben’s lucky to have you. You make sure he knows that! Or better yet, why don’t you bring him round sometime and I’ll tell him for ya. Been ages since we seen you properly.”

“Thanks, Linda,” Callum smiles at her, “I’ll make sure to call round, promise.”

Linda stands up and squeezes his hand on the desk. “See you soon, darling. It’s not good to be cooped up in a place like this,” she looks around her and a small shiver runs down her spine. “It’s morbid; don’t know you live up there.”

Callum smiles and shakes his head, “it ain’t so bad.”

“If you say so,” she walks to the door and turns around, “so we’ll be seeing you over in the Vic soon, Halfway. If you don’t show your face in the next 48 hours, I’ll be sending Shirley around to fetch you. We both know how that will go.”

Callum chuckles and smiles warmly at her. “Thanks, Mrs C. I, I’ll be there. I promise.”


	30. Chapter 30

Callum’s up early the next day, feeling upbeat and determined. He makes himself a coffee and grabs his phone, sending Ben a quick text asking him to come round to the flat so they can sort everything out. He’s got a plan now. 

Ben’s right; he needs to see someone, someone who can help him sort his head out; so yesterday evening, he’d made an appointment. It ain’t fair of him to expect Ben to be the solution to all his problems. He paces up and down in front of the window and sighs in relief when he gets a reply telling him Ben would be there shortly. 

He’s so relieved he’s feeling a bit giddy. He’s been a coward and he’s sick of it. He loves Ben and he’s not ashamed of him. He’s determined to make this right; he hates the thought of Ben thinking he’s anything less than proud of being his boyfriend. As soon as Ben arrives, he’s going to apologise and go for that drink in the Vic. Then make him a big slap up meal, whatever he wants. He’s going to take a leaf out of Ben’s book and screw what anyone else thinks!

The sound of the key turning and steps on the stairs has him staring at the door to the flat in trepidation; there’s only one other person with a key to the flat.

“Hello,” Whitney says quietly, handbag clutched in front of her like a shield. “Hope you don’t mind. I was halfway up the stairs before I thought I should have rung the buzzer.”

“No, course I don’t mind. Come in, come in,” like a rocket he’s moving towards her. She looks at him warily and he stalls in his tracks, smile dimming a little on his face.

“I-I’m glad you’re here Whit.”

She looks around the living room, and clears her throat. “I know Tiff got most of my stuff, but there were just a few things I left in the spare room. D’you mind?” she points over her shoulder and Callum smiles sadly at her.

“Nah, of course I don’t. Take whatever you want.”

“Thanks,” she flashes him a tight smile and he sits heavily down on the sofa while she disappears into the spare room.

He’s still sitting there when she reappears a few moments later with a bag filled, standing awkwardly by the counter.

“Whit, can we talk?” he asks her desperately, “I know I don’t deserve anything from you, but can you please talk to me?”

Whitney closes her eyes and sits on the edge of the sofa, leaving the bag by her side. “What do you want to talk about, Callum? I don’t really think you can have much more to say to me.”

“H-how are you?” he nervously asks her. Whitney stares at him as if not quite understanding what he’d said.

Callum flushes and shakes his head in embarrassment, “Eh, stupid question, I guess.”

Whitney’s eyes dart towards the floor and she fiddles with the bag strap at her side. Callum can’t stand it anymore and moves to sit a little nearer to her. “I’m so sorry I hurt you. I never meant to, I promise; and I don’t blame you for hating me.”

“I don’t hate you,” Whitney finally says quietly.

“You don’t?” he asks in surprise.

“I wish I did,” she says sharply but then shakes her head and purses her lips. “I could never hate you, Callum. I love you; I don’t know how to stop,” she smiles a self-deprecating smile that slowly melts off her face. “I hate what you did and I _hate_ who you did it with, but...”

Callum hangs his head, but looks up in surprise when she speaks again.

“I knew something weren’t right,” she admits, eyes bright and wet, “I’ve known for a while. I just didn’t want to believe it.”

Callum stares at her wide eyed, in shock. “You did?”

“Well, there were a few clues. You were never that into the wedding planning. It felt like any time I brought up the wedding, or asked your opinion, you’d up and leave as quick as you could. And, well, you were a little _too_ eager to agree to the whole no sex thing,” she shakes her head and looks away from him. “Plus the fact I thought you were going to have a heart attack when you thought I might be pregnant.” She laughs, but it sounds hallow and false. Her face is strained and she blinks away tears.

“I’m sorry,” he places his hand over hers and squeezes, tears brimming in his own eyes.

She shakes her head, pulling her hands away and breathes out slowly trying to regain her composure. “I wish I could hate you,” she admits softly. “You hurt me, Callum.”

“I know.”

“Do you? I really thought I could trust you, that you were different.”

“Whit.”

“It’s not that you’re gay. You can’t help that. But you’ve been having an _affair!_ For _months_. That hurts more than anything else. You’ve no idea! And Ben Mitchell?”

“This ain’t Ben’s fault, Whit,” Callum says quickly. “It’s mine.”

Whitney scoffs and shakes her head, looking away while she tries to control her emotions. “As if sneaking around behind my back wouldn’t have added to the appeal for him.”

“It weren’t like that,” Callum protests.

Whitney ignores him and sneers to herself. “You know, despite _everything_...I don’t want to see you hurt, Callum.” Her overly bright blue eyes meet his determinedly and he finds himself unable to look away from her, even if he wants to. “I’m not telling you this to hurt you, just so you know.”

“Know what?” Callum’s brow furrows as he looks back at her.

“The night you... the night I left, I ran into Ben in the square.”

“I know,” Callum tells her, “he told me.”

“Yeah? Did he tell ya he weren’t alone? That he was with yet another one of his nameless, faceless hook-ups?”

Callum stares at her, lips parted and shakes his head in jerky movements.

Whitney sighs, “Callum-”

“It don’t matter,” he interrupts her.

“What?”

“It don’t matter what he did, or what he was going to do. We weren’t together. I’d broken it off with him. Whatever he did, whoever he did it with I, I’ve no right to feel betrayed or angry with him.” 

He wets his lips and looks into her eyes. “You, and everyone else, seem to think Ben is some big bad wolf who’s going to pick me up and toss me aside whenever he feels like it. But you don’t know him. You don’t know what I did to him, how much I hurt him. Ben weren’t the one doing the tossing aside, it was me, Whit. _I_ did that. And however Ben chose to cope with that...well I got no say in it.”

Whit sits and blinks at him for a few moments, staring nearly uncomprehendingly at him. “You really do have it bad for him, don’t you?”

Callum nods his head, “Yeah,” he answers hoarsely, “yeah, I do.”

Whitney sits back, avoiding his gaze, a wave of pain cresting over her. 

“I, I don’t know how to make this better, Whit. How to put me and you right.”

“You can’t just ‘put it right,’ Callum. Can’t change what happened. It’s done now, you can’t turn back time.”

“No, but I wish, I wish I could’ve done things differently.”

“Yeah, me too,” Whitney clenches her fists and squeezes her eyes tightly shut, before taking a deep breath and letting it out. “But, you’re not the only one who needs to apologise. _I’m_ sorry.”

“What?”

“Don’t interrupt me,” she warns him, “else I’m never going to get this out and I need to. For me if not for you. I’m sorry for some of the things I said when you told me. I was angry and upset. I was lashing out and trying to hurt ya.”

“You’ve nothing to apologise for, Whit,” he interrupts her, eager to ease her mind in any way he can.

“It’s not something I’m proud of. You deserve to be happy, Callum,” she tells him, “I just, I hate to think I made you so...so miserable.”

“No,” he shakes his head at her, “no, Whit, no. You are...so lovely, so beautiful and just incredible. I loved you. I still love ya...just not the way you wanted me to.” He swallows hard. “I hate that I’ve done this to ya. I don’t know what to do with myself now, how to make it better. Not when I’ve hurt ya like this.”

Whitney gathers herself together, dabbing away at the wetness beneath her eyes. “You want to make it up to me?” she questions and he nods soundlessly back at her. “Then you’re going to be happy, Callum. Because otherwise what was the point?”

“Whit,” he sighs, thinking of how uncertain and unbalanced he’s felt.

“I don’t want to see you hurt or miserable anymore,” she tells him with steel in her voice. “You’re a good man, Callum Highway. You’re free now to be who you’re meant to be. To be with _who_ you’re meant to be with. Even if it is a Mitchell.” 

She sends him a brittle smile. He shakes his head and she forcefully grasps him by the chin and forces him to look at her. “Yes, you are.” He stares at her but can’t bring himself to answer her, his emotions too mixed up and clogging everything else. “You can’t change what happened, but if you want to put this right, really put this right, then be happy. That’s all I want. _I_ want to be happy and I want _you_ to be happy.”

She lets go of his chin and he stares at her in wonder.

“How are you so good?”

“I ain’t,” she tells him quickly, “but I’m sick of all this, the sympathetic looks and pitying neighbours. You punishing yerself, and avoiding the world ain’t making things better. I want to _move on_ Callum, I _need_ to. And I won’t ever be able to do that if you’re looking at me with sad eyes as well and hiding away in here.”

She wipes a tear from his cheek and he pulls her to him in a hug, resting his chin on top of her head. She indulges him for a few moments before pulling away. “You should know, I, uh, I didn’t tell anyone about...about you and Ben.”

She looks down and starts fiddling with a ring on her right hand. “But, I,” she pauses and bites her lip, “I was upset and I told Sonia that you cheated on me, so...”

He just looks at her in wonder. “After what I did, I wouldn’t blame ya if you announced to the whole world I’m gay.”

“I wouldn’t do that. Ain’t my place, is it? That’s for you to do, when you’re ready.” 

“Think the square might have some idea anyway from what I’ve heard,” he sends her a self deprecating smile. “But, you’re right. I want to move forward. Actually, I was, I was planning to head to the Vic later with, with Ben.” Callum tells her. 

“Hmmm,” She looks away and fishes in her pocket and pulls out her key. “Here,” she thrusts it into his hands, “this is yours.”

He nods his head and encloses the key within his hand. She picks up her bags and heads towards the door, but he can’t just let her go like that, can’t let that just be the end.

“Whit?”

She turns to him questioningly. “D’you think, one day, we could get a drink or, or tea or something?”

Her lips quirk sadly at him. “Not any time soon, but...yeah. One day. Maybe.” She disappears down the stairs and Callum sinks back onto the couch, drained but lighter. Despite everything, Whitney doesn’t hate him. The woman is an angel and Callum is selfish enough to hope that he gets to keep her in his life.


	31. Chapter 31

Ben’s brooding, fiddling with Jay’s pen as he sits with his feet up on his desk waiting for the undertaker to come back. It keeps going round and round in his head. Callum’s a good bloke, and everybody knows it. It’s been sitting uneasily with him, the number of people who’ve pointed out how wrong Ben is for him. Whitney, Stuart, even Linda Carter’s face the other night had made it pretty obvious what she thought, even if she hadn’t said it. Callum’s reluctance for them to been seen together by the locals isn’t helping much either.

“See you’re hanging around again,” Jay observes when he spies Ben in his office. “And get your feet down off that desk. Don’t want to smell your plates when I’m doing the paperwork.”

Ben rolls his eyes and lowers his feet. “You’ve turned into a right misery guts, Jay. Think this place is getting to you.”

“What are you doing here, anyway? Thought we agreed you should be keeping your distance. Callum ain’t even here, as you can see.”

“Yeah, saw Whitney heading up there; don’t much fancy getting involved in the middle of that.” He shifts uncomfortably and leans forward, resting his elbows on the wooden surface.

“Oh yeah? Think they’ll get back together then?” Jay asks casually.

“Doubtful.”

“Hmmm,” Jay casts him a quick glance as he moves to the filing cabinet and digs through for a client’s file. “Heard he cheated on her. I find that hard to believe though, y’know? I mean, it’s Callum. Can you think of anyone less likely to cheat?”

“Yeah, well. Guess you never know. Still waters and all that.”

“I tried to talk to him the other day, just to show him he ain’t alone, but he completely shut down. You seen him at all?”

“Uh, yeah, I’ve been round once or twice.”

Jay looks at him and frowns, “Ben, c’mon brother, I know he ain’t marrying Whitney but that don’t mean you’ve suddenly got a shot.”

“I’ve always got a shot Jay. Haven’t you heard? I’m irresistible,” Ben grins smugly at Jay, sending him a salacious wink causing his best friend to roll his eyes.

“Of course, Ben. How could I have forgotten?”

“I’m not always thinking with my dick, y’know. Perhaps I’m just trying to be there for a friend. Weren’t you the one who said I should be nicer to him, that I needed more friends?” Ben retorts.

“Yeah, that was before you became his number one groupie.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Ben waves him off. “How’d you hear about an affair anyway?”

“Lola,” Jay nudges Ben until he vacates his chair, “Heard it in the hairdressers.”

“Good to know the gossip circle is alive and kicking. I swear, you can’t take a waz around here without the whole square knowing.”

“What are you getting so worked up for? It’s not like they’re talking about _you,_ right?”

Ben sends him a look and paces in front of the desk.

“Hard to believe though. Callum, cheating. Doesn’t seem like the type.”

“Let me get you a glass of wine and a pinny; you’ll fit right in with the gossip mongers, with the amount of fishing you’re doing,” Ben snaps at him.

Jay throws the pen down on the desk and levels Ben with a look.

“Fine. Is it you?”

“What?” Ben stops pacing, but feels his pulse begin to race, “you know I don’t like to spread gossip,” he deflects.

Jay ignores his attempts and levels him with a look. “Rumour has it Whit and you had a screaming match in the square the night they broke it off.”

Ben shifts uncomfortably, lips tightening into a harsh line. Jay’s eyes narrow as he studies him. “You don’t mess around with straight blokes.”

“Jay-”

“You _don’t,_ “ Jay interrupts him, “and when you went off on your latest bender Callum was here, moping around and only dying to talk about ya.” Jay pauses and stares at him, “that ‘trip up North,’ it weren’t just so you could moon over him, was it?”

Ben’s lips thin further as he presses them together and looks away. Jay lets out a disbelieving laugh. “Wow. And now you’re back ‘helping out a mate’ is it?”

“Jay, you can’t say anything, alright?”

“I don’t believe this,” he mutters to himself. “It _is_ you, isn’t it? Something happened, that’s why you’ve been hanging around here like a bad smell and why you don’t want to run into Whit.”

“It’s complicated.”

“I bet it is. And what? You think it’s going to get any less complicated now? It’s true then? You and Whit fighting in the square?”

“Wasn’t a fight,” Ben gets out between clenched teeth.

“I know you Ben; you’re hung up on him. I can see it in your eyes.”

“I ain’t hung up on anyone,” Ben insists petulantly. 

Jay looks at him with sad eyes. “Listen, bruv, I want you to be happy. You know that. I don’t know what’s gone on between the two of you, but you need to be careful.”

“Meaning?” Ben asks between gritted teeth.

“Don’t get ahead of yourself. Callum called off the wedding, that’s good. But that don’t mean he’s about to jump into a relationship with you straight away.”

Ben feels anger burning in his throat and in the corner of his eyes.

“Who said anything about a relationship, Jay, eh? I don’t _do_ relationships. Maybe I’m just looking for something to keep me entertained until the next interesting bloke comes along.”

Jay stands up and moves towards Ben, raising an arm to rest against his shoulder. “You haven’t mentioned another bloke in weeks, months. You’ve been around here more often than _I_ have and spend your time doing stupid and elaborate things just to make Callum laugh. I think it’s safe to say he ain’t just entertainment. Talk to me, Ben.”

Ben shakes his head and sinks down into the guest chair. He buries his fingers in his hair and tugs lightly.

“I...I _care_ about him, Jay. A lot,” he confesses and hears Jay’s intake of breath. "Maybe even... _more_ than care about him."

“That’s...something, Ben.”

“Yeah, tell me about it.”

“And do you think he feels the same?”

Ben shrugs. “I dunno. Whitney always seemed to be the number one priority. But when he finally came clean to her... I thought things would get easier, simpler. But everything seems just as difficult as it was before. We haven’t even really done anything! I’m basically just making sure he’s eating and sleeping. More like a nanny than anything else.”

“I’m sorry, mate.”

“He practically won’t leave the flat unless it’s to come here. And I can’t figure out if he just doesn’t want to see anyone or if,” he pauses, swallowing around a lump in his throat, “if he doesn’t want anyone to see him with _me._ ”

Jay sighs and sits down beside his friend. “I’m sure that’s not true, Ben. Callum, well he ain’t never been one to look to be the centre of attention, has he? If he’s avoiding going out, it ain’t because he doesn’t want to be seen with ya.”

Ben’s jaw tightens, but he can’t bring himself to answer Jay. 

“Look Ben, I’m not going to sit here and pretend I have all the answers. I can’t say I know what you’re going through or what Callum’s going through. But _you_ know a bit of what he’s feeling. You know what it’s like to be with a girl; to pretend you’re straight, and Callum...he’s a good bloke. Hurting Whitney like that, it’s going to take him time to get over that. It isn’t going to happen overnight.”

“So, what are ya saying, Jay?”

“I’m just saying have a little patience. Don’t push him. Give him time to breathe. And... a bit of distance, mightn’t be a bad thing.”

“Yeah,” Ben says thoughtfully, in an outrush of breath “maybe you’re right, Jay.”

“When am I wrong?” he says light heartedly and ruffling Ben’s hair affectionately.

“Leave it out,” Ben glares at him. “It ain’t like I’m good at relationships anyway, is it?” he snorts.

“I wouldn’t say that bruv. You managed alright with Paul.”

“Oh yeah,” Ben says sarcastically, “especially when I managed to get him killed.”

“Ben, you know that wasn’t your fault. You have to let that go.”

“Never,” Ben tells him adamantly. “Callum’s a good person; as everyone seems to keep reminding me. He deserves good things, to be surrounded by good people in his life.”

“I think he’s managing alright on that front. He’s got plenty of good people looking out for him.”

Ben bites his lip and remains silent.


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A slightly longer than usual chapter, hope you enjoy :)

“Whitney was round today,” Callum informs Ben as he washes his dishes.

“Oh yeah?” Ben rifles through the fridge looking for something half decent to eat.

“Looking for my head on a spike, was she?” 

“No, nothing like that. She just came for the rest of her stuff. And she, she said she wants me to be happy, to find happiness.”

Callum smiles with a faraway look on his face. Ben considers him thoughtfully and closes the fridge door, empty handed.

“That was nice of her,” he crosses his arms across his chest, swinging lightly on the balls of his feet.

“Yeah, she’s great, really. Dunno if I could say the same if I was in her position.”

“Mmmm,” Ben replies.

“I, I was thinking. Maybe, we could go for that drink after all. You and me.” Callum dries his hands on a towel and smiles at the light haired man. “I’m sorry for how I’ve been, lately. What do ya say, Ben?”

Ben chuckles unpleasantly, and shakes his head. “You want to go out for a drink, _now?_ ”

Callum’s forehead furrows in confusion as he stares down at the car salesman. 

“Not any of the other times I asked ya, but now. Once _Whit_ has given her blessing?”

“It ain’t like that.”

“No?” Ben raises his eyebrows in question, “because that’s what it sounds like.” He looks away, shaking his head and pressing his lips firmly together.

“Ben, look at me. I want to go out with _you._ We have a chance now, a real one. You and me.”

Callum reaches out and runs a hand down Ben’s arm. “You were right. I need to speak to someone about everything, so I-I made an appointment to speak with a counsellor. Got an appointment for next Thursday.”

“Yeah?” Ben looks softly up at him, “that’s good, Callum. Think it’ll make things a bit easier for you.”

“Me too,” Callum grins. “So, to celebrate how about we head to the Vic? Drinks on me to say thanks for everything you’ve done for me.”

“A thank you, huh?”

“Well, not _just_ a thank you,” Callum blushes, “maybe I wanna show you off a bit.”

Ben avoids his eye and Callum is eager to reassure him. “We don’t need to sneak around and hide anymore, Ben. We can be out in the open, not caring who sees us.”

Ben shifts from foot to foot in agitation. “I just dunno if that’s a good idea. You’re only after splitting from Whit. Maybe it’s time to take a breather.”

Callum stares at him open mouthed. “You can’t be serious.”

“Callum,” Ben sighs, “a fortnight ago you were getting ready to be married. What you’ve done in the past two weeks – calling off the wedding, telling Whit the truth, your brother...” Ben trails off, “it’s a lot of change, and a lot to process. Whit was a big part of your life and I think you need some time to settle things down and really come to terms with everything that’s happened.”

“I don’t need time! _You_ said you’d _be_ here.”

“And I will be; I am. As...as a mate.”

Callum shakes his head, hurt painted across his face, but Ben squeezes his hand into a fist and keeps talking. “I just don’t think we need to add the pressure of anything else to the situation. Let’s be honest Callum, things ain’t exactly been smooth sailing between us. This way is better; no expectations, nobody getting hurt.”

“What are you on about?” Callum’s brows furrow and he clenches his fists, “You’re my boyfriend.”

Ben looks up at him in surprise and then scratches his neck, diverting his gaze towards the window. “I don’t remember having that conversation.”

“Ben!”

“Look,” Ben snaps, “I’m just saying there’s no need to rush anything, alright? Besides, I don’t really have the patience to stand around waiting for you to get your act together,” he lashes out. “Face it, we just don’t work, Callum!” He looks down at his watch and runs a hand through his hair, “I, uh, I need to go. I’ll... see you soon, yeah?”

Callum stares dumbly and watches as Ben leaves. He’s frozen in bewilderment, staring at the spot where Ben had been before he scarpered. He’s not sure how much time has passed before he finds himself grabbing his coat and following the familiar path to the Beale house. 

He marches in, surprising Kathy who’s cooking in the small kitchen.

“Callum?” her forehead wrinkles in confusion. “Something I can help you with?”

“Yeah, is Ben in?”

She rubs her hands down her apron and shakes her head. “No, think he’s gone to the Vic, everything alright?”

“No, but it will be. Thanks Kathy.” He smiles at her and determinedly turns on his heel, the Vic clearly in his sights.

As soon as he enters the bar his eyes find Ben’s hunched over form slouched over the far end of the bar, away from most of the crowd, cradling a drink that doesn’t look like it’s his first. 

He winds his way through the evening crowd, spying his brother, Whit, Jay, Lola and many of the square regulars around him. He feels a slap on his shoulder. “Alright, my son? Good to see you out and about,” Mick winks at him, “L told me she’d had a word.”

Mo elbows Jean in the side and points towards Callum, eyes lighting up waiting for some entertainment. Callum feels his mouth tighten and smiles stiffly at the landlord.

“Thanks, Mick,” Callum replies before his gaze returns to his boyfriend. Not boyfriend? No, his boyfriend. Callum’s determined about that.

Mick follows his gaze and smacks him again on the shoulder. “Good luck,” he murmurs before making his way back behind the bar.

Callum steadies himself with a breath and approaches the shorter man.

“Ben.”

“Callum,” Ben’s eyes widen in surprise, “what you doing out and about? Thought the world began and ended with your flat.”

“We need to talk,” Callum insists.

Ben sighs wearily. “Don’t think we’ve anything more to say for now.”

“No,” Callum tells him calmly, “ _you_ don’t have anything else to say, but ya didn’t exactly give me a chance to say much before you high tailed it out the door.”

Ben’s jaw tightens and he looks over Callum’s shoulder avoiding his gaze. “Make it quick then, haven’t got all day.”

“I don’t understand why you’re doing this. I want to be with you, Ben. I ain’t interested in any more games and hiding away. I know I’ve been... locked away for a while, but like you said, I needed time to come to terms with what I did and what it means for the future. I spent 28 years of my life pretending to be something I ain’t. I couldn’t just switch just like that!”

“That’s why I think-”

“Nah,” Callum interrupts him, “you’ve had your say, now it’s my turn.”

Ben’s lips thin, but he nods his agreement, waiting for Callum to continue.

“Good,” Callum tugs on the bottom of his shirt and tries to remember what he’d been saying. “So yeah, I needed time to come to terms with everything I’ve done and all the time I’ve wasted. I hate that I hurt Whit, and I was relieved when she told me she wanted us all to be happy, but _she_ ain’t the most important person in my life Ben. _You_ are. I want _you,_ and I don’t know why you’re suddenly pulling away. Now, when everything’s _finally_ out in the open.”

“I just,” Ben scrubs a hand down his face, “I just think it’s going to take a bit of time for you to feel more....comfortable with everything that’s happened.”

“What?” Callum looks confused and angry, “no, Ben, I want to be with you! How many times do you need me to say it?”

Been looks down at the glass cradled in his hands, jaw tense. “You say you want to be with me, right?”

Callum nods out of the corner of Ben’s eye. “Then what does it matter if we wait a few weeks? You might end up thanking me, Callum.”

“What are you on about?” Frustration leaks into Callum’s voice.

Ben turns towards him and his gaze flits around the bar before his gaze rests on Callum. “Look, I’m the only bloke you’ve been with, yeah? Well, maybe, maybe you need to see who else is out there. Jumping straight from being with Whitney to being with me,” he huffs out a breath and meets Callum’s disbelieving gaze, “it feels like it might be too much, too soon.”

“Are you serious? After _everything_ we’ve been through, everything you’ve said about not wanting to be kept in the shadows anymore.”

Ben feels a muscle in his jaw tick. “I’m trying to do the right thing here, Callum, alright?”

“You sure?” Callum challenges him, “because I think you’re scared,” Callum’s voice was barely restrained. “You’re scared of what we could be.”

Ben drains his glass and he rubs beneath his right eye. “You’re right,” he admits hoarsely, “I am scared.”

“Ben.”

“Look, it might be one thing if it was just me and you, but it ain’t, is it?” he shakes his head and meets Callum’s gaze determinedly. “I got a daughter to think about. A daughter who already thinks the world of ya. What am I supposed to do if in two or three months you suddenly realise there’s a whole world of people out there who’d _love_ to be with ya? When you find someone good, someone better, who’s not saddled with a daughter, a record and a family that makes the Addams family look like the Waltons!”

Callum’s frustration deflates and he reaches towards him, fingers barely brushing Ben’s sleeve before the shorter man is pulling away. “Ben, I don’t want that. I want to be with _you._ I ain’t interested in anyone else and I ain’t going anywhere.”

“You don’t know what you want.”

Ben turns back to the bar, eyes staring straight ahead. Beside him, he feels Callum’s stare burning into the side of his face and he hears him take in a deep breath and turn to leave. “Right,” Callum growls out.

Ben’s heart is hammering a million miles an hour but he can’t bring himself to call him back. He’s doing the right thing. Callum’s only broken up with Whitney, barely accepted who he is; the last thing he needs is to be involved with Ben Mitchell. Just ask anybody in the square; he’s no good for anyone, and he can’t think about what he’d do when Callum finally realises how much better he could do and goes away. 

Leaves him behind.

The loud clanging of the bar bell has him blinking up to the side.

“Oi, Halfwit,” Shirley shouts, “even you know we don’t close til it’s night out. That big bright shining thing in the sky called _the sun_ should be a bloody clue it ain’t closing!”

“Leave it out, Mother,” Mick yells, crossing his arms and nodding in Callum’s direction.

Callum locks eyes with Ben and he feels pinned by his gaze.

“Ben Mitchell,” Callum states, loudly, clearly and firmly, “I love you.” The silence that had fallen is broken by a few hushed murmurs and Ben is very much aware that they are the centre of attention and will be the subject of gossip for months. Karen Taylor looks like she’s in heaven. None of it stops his eyes from widening and his heart galloping. Of all the things he’d thought Callum might say, that was not on the list.

Callum moves back towards him, but Ben can’t move, frozen, shocked and unable to take his eyes off him. “I don’t care who knows it. I’ll do whatever it takes to prove it to ya. I’ll tell everyone here in the Vic,” he opens his arms wide and glances around quickly, ignoring Mo’s delighted look and Stuart’s frown. “I’ll announce it in the square, hell, I’ll run upstairs and yell it from the rooftops if ya want.”

He’s standing in front of him now, confident and Ben can’t help but admire the man in front of him, even as his pulse thumps erratically. He swears his heart skips a beat, but Callum isn’t finished yet. 

“I ain’t interested in anyone else. I don’t want anyone better or nicer or whatever else you think. I want _you. Only_ you. I don’t need any more time, I know who I am and I know who I want. And I ain’t willing to wait anymore." Callum reaches out and holds Ben's hands reverently between his own. "I know you love me. So, Ben Mitchell, will you give us a chance and go out with me, proper?”

“Well,” Ben answers hoarsely, before clearing his throat, “you certainly know how to make a scene.”

“I’m serious, Ben. Yes or no?”

Ben stares into his eyes and slowly nods his head, “what if I say no?”

“I ain’t taking no for an answer,” Callum tells him firmly, “I probably should’ve mentioned that earlier. I mean you _are_ my boyfriend.”

“This again?” he asks, a small lift to the corner of his mouth, but he can’t stop the sparkle and glow in his eyes.

“Go on, Ben,” Lola calls out, grinning brightly, “put the babygay out of his misery.”

Ben can’t help but lick his lips. Confident, take charge Callum is absolutely gorgeous.

“Ok, ok,” a smug smile tugs at the corners of his lips. “Can’t have you begging, now can we? It’s unseemly.”

He smiles up at Callum and the answering grin he gets nearly splits Callum’s face in half before he’s swooping down and kissing Ben, cradling his head in his large, warm hands. 

“Drama queens,” Shirley mutters as she goes past them, knocking into Callum’s back as the few wolf whistles and cat calls filter in through their own personal cocoon.

“Alright, alright,” Mick shouts, “show’s over folks, but if anyone fancies drinking to the happy couple, we got a special on some WKD.”

Ben pulls back in a daze and blinks up at him. “So,” he clears his throat, “bit presumptuous to assume I love ya, ain’t it?”

“I don’t think so,” Callum tells him, hands still cupping his neck and thumbs caressing his face. “I worked it out. Just took me a bit longer, is all. That’s why you’re always there, why you always put me first, even when it hurts you. You don’t need ta say it if ya don’t wan-”

“I love you, ya muppet,” Ben interrupts him. “Though Lord knows why, ya ain’t even seen The Notebook.”

“Not this again,” Callum sighs dramatically, rolling his eyes but with a grin on his face.

“Oi,” Ben points a finger at him warningly, “no digging on The Notebook, that’s a classic. Can’t believe you’ve never seen it,” he grumbles. 

“Guess you’ll have to put that right, then.”

“Guess so,” Ben smiles, “can’t have my _boyfriend_ completely ignorant of cinematic classics.” 

Callum blushes and stars dance in his eyes. Ben can’t help himself; he pecks his boyfriend’s lips. “I _do_ love you,” Ben murmurs against his mouth.

“I know,” Callum replies with a grin.

Ben’s eyes narrow at Callum, “Did you just Han Solo me?”

“Maybe,” Callum tells him, “but Harrison Ford is a legend. Always fancied myself with a fedora and whip.”

Ben groans and pushes against Callum, “Oh, God, Callum. You trying to make me embarrass myself in public?”

“That depends. Does it mean we get to go back to flat so I can have my _wicked way_ with ya? Apparently, I’m not allowed to bend you over the bar of the Vic.”

Ben’s mouth drops open before a smirk spreads across his mouth. “You’re going to be the death of me Callum Highway. Now, get me back to that flat before I decide to give Shirley an eyeful.”

Callum grins, grabbing Ben by the hand and leading him out of the Vic.


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've every intention of having this story wrapped up by Christmas ;)

Ben rubs his thigh absently beneath the table and Callum can’t help but grin at him. It’s been four weeks since they’ve become official, and they’ve been the four happiest weeks of Callum’s life. He’s been twice to see a counsellor to try and sort everything in his head out. And while it hasn’t been a magical solution, it’s definitely helped his anxiety. He still sometimes feel like people are judging him, but he’s slowly learning to deal with it. To learn how to be able to push it aside and just take pleasure in being at this point in his life with the man he loves. 

Being with Ben, spending time with Lexi, listening while Ben rants about his Dad or how stingy Ian is...it’s all been brilliant. And waking up beside Ben might be the best thing of all. That or being able to hold Ben’s hand in public, or kiss him just because he feels like it. He hasn’t quite decided which is better. At the moment, sitting with Ben drinking a quiet pint and talking about their day is coming out on top.

Ben smiles and shakes his head, looking up at Callum from beneath his eyelashes. “You’re doing it again.”

Callum grins, enjoying how he can, occasionally, make Ben squirm and flush a pretty pink. “Can’t help it, can I? Hard not to stare when you’ve got a stunningly beautiful boyfriend sitting beside ya.”

“Oh yeah?” Ben’s eyebrow rises and he licks his lips, “I can think of something better than staring you can do if you want to impress this _stunning_ boyfriend of yours.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah,” Ben squeezes his thigh and Callum chuckles, feeling his own face heat.

“Yeah, I bet you can,” he tells Ben. “Right, just let me call to the gents and we’ll be on our way.”

He stands up and Ben smacks him on the arse, “hurry up then!” he winks at him.

Callum is still smiling ruefully when he reaches the gents. As he’s washing his hands he hears footsteps behind him. Looking up, his expression freezes as he takes in the form of him brother.

“Alright, bruv?” Stuart asks nervously.

“Stu,” Callum says carefully as he turns towards him, “I don’t wanna argue with you, so-”

“Nah, nah,” his brother interrupts him, “I ain’t interested in arguing with ya either Callum.”

Callum smiles tightly and nods his head. They stand in awkward silence for a moment before Callum clears his throat. “Well I should probably...” he trails off stepping towards the door.

“I’m sorry,” Stuart says quickly, and Callum turns to him in surprise.

“You’re sorry.”

“Yeah, bruv. I, I love you Callum. You’re my family, my brother. All I ever wanted to do is protect ya, keep ya safe.”

“I know,” Callum concedes, “but I don’t need ya to protect me from Ben.”

Stuart frowns but nods his head. “I been watching you, the two of ya. You seem...happy.”

“I am,” Callum tells him sincerely.

“Well, that’s, that’s alright then.” He nods his head decisively and Callum stares at him, mouth agape. “I mean, you _are_ happy, right?”

“Yeah,” Callum finds his voice, “yeah I am. Don’t think I’ve ever been happier.” He smiles fondly as he thinks of the past few weeks. 

“And there’s no chance of you and Whit fixing things then? You’re definitely...” Stu gestures with his hands and Callum rolls his eyes at his brother.

“ _Gay,_ Stu. I’m definitely gay.”

Stuart clears his throat, “Ok, then. Just, just checking.”

“Is that it, then?”

Stu shakes his head. “All I want is for you to be happy, Callum. And if that means you being with Ben Mitchell?” he pauses and looks at Callum with determination, “then so be it.”

“Yeah?” Callum asks hopefully.

Stuart shrugs, “I mean I don’t really get why you’d pick Ben Mitchell, I woulda thought someone like Martin Fowler would be the pick of em around here, but I’m okay with it.”

“Martin’s straight and married,” Callum tells him, ignoring the jibe at Ben.

“Yeah, I know, but if you were gonna go that way, Martin’s built well, y’know? Sturdy, easy to get a grip of.”

Callum stares at him in a mixture of horror and annoyance. “I _am_ that way and I,” he closes his eyes and rubs his forehead, “what am I doing? We’re not having this conversation. It’s mental. We ain’t rating the blokes on the square.” He opens his eyes and straightens up. “Besides, Ben’s clearly the best looking bloke this side of London!” He starts to walk out and Stuart snorts at him. 

“He’s a bit short ain’t he? You could fit him in your pocket!”

“I know, it’s cute,” Callum smiles dreamily for a moment before catching himself on. “Anyway, enough with the Ben bashing, I thought you just said you were alright with him.”

Stuart makes a face, “only for as long as he makes you happy. As soon as he messes up, I’ll be on him like a ton of bricks.”

“No you won’t,” Callum stops in his tracks and rounds on his brother, “you’re not going to interfere in my relationship with Ben, not if you want to still be in my life.”

Stuart has a hopeful smile on his face. “No, Callum, of course not. So, does this mean, I’m forgiven then?”

“Let’s take it slow, eh? D’you wanna have a pint with us before we go?”

Stuart looks over towards the table Ben’s sat at and shakes his head. “Best not to push it too far, eh? But, soon, yeah?”

Callum lands a hand on his brother’s shoulder and offers him a small smile. “You’re on. I’ll text you tomorrow, ok?”

“Great,” Stuart beams at him, “talk to you then brother.”

Ben eyes Callum as he approaches their table. “Was that Uncle Fester I saw you talking to, or your brother?”

“Ben,” Callum admonishes him, “Stu was apologising for what he’s done.”

“Didn’t apologise to me though, did he?”

Callum’s shoulders slump. “I know you don’t like him, but he’s my brother, Ben. The only real family I have left. Now that Dad’s out of the picture he’s the only other person I have who knows what it was like to grow up with him. Who can remember Mum with me,” he finishes softly, staring into his empty glass.

Ben squeezes his leg and kisses his temple, “I may not like him Callum, but as long as he’s not throwing punches at me or upsetting you, I’m ok with him.”

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah, 'course,” Ben smiles at him, before slapping his thigh, “Now, come on; I believe there’s an empty flat that’s waiting for us.”

Callum grins and quickly gets up. 

“Oh, Callum, did I tell ya I managed to get my hands on a priest’s collar? You look _so_ good in black and I have _so_ much to confess.”

Callum’s face heats and Ben grins triumphantly as they leave the Vic and make their way towards Coker and Mitchell.


	34. Chapter 34

Callum bounds down the Beale’s stairs, humming quietly to himself. As he lands on the ground floor a movement out of the corner of his eye draws his attention to the couch.

“Lexi?” his brow furrows even as he smiles at the little blonde girl, “what you doing up so early?”

“I couldn’t sleep,” she tells him, all big eyes and pouty lips. She clutches a cushion to her chest like it’s the most precious thing in the world. 

Callum frowns and sits down beside her. “Bad dream?”

She shakes her head and eyes him warily. He reaches out to touch her hand and she pulls away. 

“Lex?”

“Callum, are you leaving?” she stares up at him; chin trembling as Callum looks at her, stunned.

“Well, I have to go to work in bit.”

“And then you’re coming back?”

“Of course I’m coming back,” Callum reassures her, putting his arm around her and pulling her comfortingly into his side, “why would you ask that?”

She abandons the cushion and clutches onto the front of his shirt, her little knuckles turning white. 

“Last night Uncle Ian said one day you’d wake up and realise something,” her eyebrows draw together, obviously annoyed at not remembering exactly what was said. “Then he said you’d leave and not look back at us.” Her big blue eyes get wet and Callum holds her tighter, heartbroken that she is so annoyed and upset about this.

“Well Uncle Ian is wrong,” he tells her emphatically. 

“Did he tell me a lie? Mummy said it’s bad to tell lies.”

“No, not a lie, sweetheart, he was just...mistaken, that’s all.” He cuddles her close and kisses the top of her head. 

“So you’re not leaving?”

“Nah, not going anywhere. Who else would teach me how to dance and make me look pretty, eh?”

“You _do_ look pretty with purple eyes,” she tells him, poking under his eyebrow.

He grins down at her, pulling her hand gently away, and avoiding the possibility of her accidentally blinding him. “See? You’re stuck with me for however long you and Dad want me here.”

“So...forever then?”

“If you want,” Callum manages to say around the lump he suddenly finds in his throat. “Tell ya what, how about I make us a special breakfast?”

She looks hopefully, and suspiciously, up at him. “How special?”

He chuckles and pretends to think, “Let’s see, how about....pancakes...” her eyes light up eagerly, “with chocolate chips,” a lilting gasp, “and...strawberries-”

“In a separate bowl, not mixed together,” she interrupts him.

“Right,” he nods seriously down at her, “and, to make it even more special...the pancakes will be in the shape of...Mickey Mouse.”

“Yes!” she cheers loudly, throwing herself at Callum and he gathers her close, nearly choking on long blonde hair, and not giving a damn. “I love you, Callum,” she says loudly into his ear, her small arms tightening around his neck. Callum feels his own eyes water and he kisses the side of her face. 

“Love you too, darling,” he tells her gruffly.

“Oi, what’s going on here then?” Ben’s cheery voice calls from the bottom of the stairs. Callum meets his eyes and Ben immediately frowns in worry. _Later,_ Callum mouths at him and Ben nods, before focusing on his daughter. “This a cuddle party I weren’t invited to?” He lumbers forward, glasses perched on his nose and arms wide, ready to land down on top of them.

“No Dad!” Lexi tells him sternly with arms held out. “You can cuddle with me, but _not_ Callum.”

“Oh, is that right?” Ben asks, leaning down and tickling her ribs.

“Yes!” she laughs at him until he lets up. “You take _ages_ cuddling with Callum and if you start now, he won’t have enough time to make my special breakfast before he goes to work,” she pouts, lower lip jutting out.

“Well, we can’t have that, now can we?” Ben kisses his boyfriend with a grin before lifting his daughter up from Callum’s arms and swinging her around in the air. “I guess you’ll make a good substitute though.” He blows raspberries under her chin, making her giggle and squirm. 

“I’ll get started on that breakfast then,” Callum winks at Ben, squeezing his shoulder as he moves passed.

He heats the pan on the hob and searches through the cupboards for the chocolate chips he _knows_ he put there out of Ben’s reach last week, when the back door opens behind him.

“Ah, morning, Callum,” Ian grins cheerfully at him, “not a bad day out.”

Callum steels himself, quickly glancing towards Ben and Lexi sitting curled up together of the couch watching cartoons. He closes the door and rounds on Ian.

“I’m only going to say this once,” he tells him calmly, “I don’t care what you think of me or my relationship with Ben, but just to set the record straight... I ain’t going anywhere. Ben’s my boyfriend, I love him and I don’t see my future without him.”

Ian snorts and crosses his arms, “No offence, Callum, but Ben’s a Mitchell, and all that goes with it.”

“I ain’t interested in your opinions,” Callum spits out, moving towards him slowly. “And whatever ignorant, ugly beliefs you have should be kept to yourself.” Ian backs away, a hint of nervousness in his eyes as Callum towers over him. “You going around running your mouth upset Lexi. And if you upset my Lexi, you upset me. We clear?”

Ian swallows and shifts nervously. “Alright, no need to go all Mitchell yourself. Maybe you ain’t so different after all,” he mutters.

“Good,” Callum nods at him, “Now, I’m making Mickey Mouse pancakes with chocolate chips,” he smiles, “how many can I put you down for?”

Ian looks at him like he’s lost his mind. “None for me thanks. I’ve lost my appetite.”

Ian disappears and Callum hears his heavy footfalls on the stairs. He’s flipping some pancakes when he feels arms wrap loosely around his waist. “Bobby’s looking for as many as you can make,” Ben grins, kissing the back of his boyfriend’s neck. 

“He’ll have to wait,” Callum tells him, “I’m making Lexi’s first.”

“As it should be,” Ben smiles and pulls away to watch Callum work his magic in the kitchen. “So, what was that about this morning?”

Callum grimaces and shoots a glance at Ben. “She heard Ian saying something stupid and was worried I was gonna leave and not come back. Don’t think she slept most of the night.”

Ben’s look is murderous, “I’ll kill him!”

“Hey,” Callum leaves the pan and cradles his lover’s face, forcing him to look up at him. “I sorted it. With Lexi _and_ Ian. No need for you to do anything. Alright?”

Ben sighs and nods. “Alright.”

“Good,” Callum grins, “I want to do something nice for Lexi though. Something more than breakfast.”

“Oh yeah, anything in mind?”

“Yes, actually." Callum turns and kisses Ben sweetly. "Now, you get that table set, these pancakes are nearly ready.”

"Yes, sir," Ben winks and disappears through the door.


	35. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tonight's episode nearly stopped me from posting this, because it was so the opposite of this chapter :(  
> I hope you enjoy reading this anyway!

“It ain’t straight,” a smug voice muses from the doorway. Callum smiles up at the ceiling before turning to smile at his grinning boyfriend. 

“It should fit right in then,” Callum tells him with a wink. Ben laughs and pushes himself off the doorjamb, taking fistfuls of his boyfriend’s t-shirt and pushing himself up on his toes to give him a kiss. 

“Hello,” Ben murmurs against his lips. 

“Where you been, anyway?” Callum asks him, brushing an eyelash from the shorter man’s cheek.

“Oh you know, doing a bit of this, a bit of that.”

Callum’s eyebrows rise in question and Ben rolls his eyes. “Nothing that will come back to haunt us in the middle of the night. Promise. I don’t bother giving my hook-ups my real name.”

“Ben!”

“Joking,” he chuckles as he brushes his lips against Callum’s chin and moves away. He pulls his jacket off and surveys the room around him. “Now,” he claps his hands together and rubs them enthusiastically, “let’s get this done. Lola texted, they’ll be back by 3.30.”

“What?” Callum stares at him in horror, “she said 6 this morning! I don’t know if I’m going to have the unicorns stuck up in time.”

Ben shakes his head and can’t help himself from kissing his boyfriend again. “You’re cute when you’re worrying, ya know that?” Callum sighs and Ben pokes him in the stomach lightly, “relax. We’ll get it done. _I’m_ here now,” he winks cheekily at Callum who shakes his head smiling. 

“Alright then, foreman, what we up to now?”

“Letting me be in charge?” Ben’s eyes light up, “what a good boy you are.”

They’ve barely finished and reached the sitting room when a whirlwind of blonde blows into the room.

“Dad!” Lexi bounces into her father’s arms and he swoops her around, kissing her chin and making silly noises against her skin. 

“Oh, baby! I missed ya! Hope you spent plenty of Uncle Jay’s money,” he grins as he lowers her to the ground.

“Trust me, she doesn’t need any encouragement,” Jay tells him, leaning against the door jamb.

“Oi, be nice,” Lola playfully smacks him on the arm.

“Where’s my surprise?” Lexi demands, tugging on her father.

“What surprise?” he looks down at her, dramatically frowning and furrowing his brows.

“Mummy said you and Callum had a surprise for me.”

“Oh, did she now?” Callum grins down at her.

“Yes,” she replies primly, “Mummy doesn’t lie, especially not about surprises.”

“Well I ain’t about to call your Mum a liar,” Callum winks at her, “what about you, Ben?” he wraps his arm around his boyfriend’s waist and kisses his forehead.

“Better not. Right, you got us,” he bends down to his daughter. “There might be a surprise for you. But you have to find it!”

“It’s not behind your back,” she muses straining to look around Ben.

“Nope, gonna have to try harder than that darling.”

She frowns at him, “why do I gotta guess? You’re going to give it to me anyway.”

“Give her a clue, Ben,” Callum encourages his boyfriend.

“A clue? Hmmm.”

“Come on, Dad, I’m _waiting._ ”

“Alright, alright. It’s something you’ve wanted for a long time.”

She gasps, eyes wide as saucers, “a puppy!”

Callum tries his best to hide his smile behind his hand, while Lola rolls her eyes. “House is too small for a dog, Lex,” she tells her daughter.

“Nope, definitely not a dog. How about this then for a clue. It’s above you.”

“Above me?” she squints and looks up at the ceiling before she squeals and races to the stairs, tramping up them loudly. “Careful,” Lola calls after her, but is completely ignored.  
Callum eagerly follows Lexi up the stairs followed by her parents and Jay. She bursts through the bedroom, eyes glued to the ceiling and she jumps excitedly, turning and hugging Callum’s legs. “Thank you Callum, thank you, thank you.”

“Uh,” Ben interrupts, “what about me, where’s _my_ thank you?”

Lexi lets go of Callum and crosses her arms. “You’re not tall enough to reach the ceiling.”

“I supervised!”

“And he did put some of the unicorns up,” Callum tells Lexi with a wink.

Her mouth purses considering but then relents. “Thank you, Daddy,” she hugs him quickly before her attention is directed back to the ceiling. “Mum, look! It’s so _pink!_ There’s unicorns.”

“So, I see!” Lola grins.

“And look here,” Ben points to a part of the ceiling over her bed, “see this?”

“It’s a bee with a crown.”

“Yes, a queen bee, for our own little queen.” Ben grins at her as she crawls onto the bed and reaches up as if to trace the crystal crown on the bee. 

She beams at her parents and bounds to her Dad. “I thought you said Uncle Ian wouldn’t like a pink ceiling.”

“Yeah, well,” Ben smiles tightly, “Uncle Ian changed his mind, especially when he realised he’d upset my little princess, didn’t he?”

“I love you, Dad,” Lexi hugs him and he bends down to kiss the top of her head.

“Love you too, baby.”

“Don’t think I’ll be having much problem putting her to bed tonight,” Lola grins at Jay.

“It ain’t bedtime yet,” Lexi reminds them with a frown.

“No,” Callum agrees, “but how about we head over to the flat and watch a film? Let your Mum and Jay have a quiet afternoon.” He winks at Jay and Lola and Ben scratches the back of his neck. 

“She’s got you wrapped right round her little finger, don’t she?”

“She ain’t the only one.”

“Oh really?” Ben purrs, stalking towards the taller man. “I’ll have to remember that.”

“Like you don’t already know it,” Callum scoffs.

Lexi taps her foot and crosses her arms. “Are we going to watch this film or what?”

“Oi,” Lola chastises her daughter, “you keep that up and there won’t be any film. And I could do with an afternoon of pampering.”

“Oh, is that what they’re calling it now?”

Callum elbows Ben in the ribs and Lexi frowns in confusion.

“Eh,” Callum stutters, “so what film do you fancy, then? How about The Greatest Showman? Your Dad can nearly act out every scene at this stage.”

“I’da been great for that role,” Ben sucks in a breath and pushes out his chest, “waist coat, top hat, putting on a show...born for it.”

Lexi’s brow furrows, “you’re not allowed sing. You’re no good at it.”

“Charming!” 

Callum snickers and lifts Lexi up into his arms, so she’s looking down at her Dad, as imperious as a queen. “Her majesty has spoken,” he says seriously.

“Off you go then,” Jay encourages them, ushering them through the bedroom door. 

Ben’s eyes narrow. “What, you ain’t even going to pretend to not want rid of us?”

“Eh, no,” Jay grins. 

“Come on then,” Ben tells Callum and Lexi, “guess it’s time to leave them to it.”

Callum and Ben hold Lexi’s hands and swing her every few steps as they make the short trip across the square. Listening to Ben and Lexi’s chatter suddenly makes Callum’s heart feel too big for his chest and he can’t stop the warm smile that spreads across his face. 

The past year, the pain and hurt they’ve both felt...it all seems like a blur now. And it was all worth it; worth it to be walking across the square on a cold afternoon with the man he loves and the little girl who is quickly occupying a large part of his heart.

Lexi races up the stairs to the flat, and Ben stops Callum with a hand on his arm and the other cradling his jaw. 

“You alright?” he asks quietly, noticing the sheen in his boyfriend’s eyes.

Callum grins all the wider and leans down to kiss Ben’s mouth tenderly. “I’m wonderful,” he murmurs, grinning wider when he sees the answering smile and softness in Ben’s eyes. “I love you.”

“Love you too.”

“Dad!” Lexi hollers from upstairs.

Ben rolls his eyes. “Knows how to ruin the moment, don’t she?”

“Nah,” Callum replies, kissing Ben’s forehead. “She tends to make them better. Just like her Dad.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that's pretty much the end of the story. I finished it here, because I thought it was a good ending point, but the next two chapters are where I imagine events with the two of them would happen in the future. They're already written so I just need to read over them again. They'll definitely be up before Christmas :)


	36. Chapter 36

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so glad these last two chapters were written because I don't think I could have written anything after Friday's episode. Hope you enjoy xxx

Ben moans and gasps, breath hitching as his muscles tighten, reaching his climax and fully relaxing back onto the bed, body heavy and comfortable. Callum collapses on top of him, huffing into the side of Ben’s neck, making goosebumps rise on sweaty skin. His skin feels sensitive and alive; his fingers hold Ben tightly to him and he shifts his weight off the smaller man, to make sure he doesn’t hurt him. 

“I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of that,” Ben’s smirk curls across his face, sleepy eyed and looking thoroughly debauched. Callum hums against his skin, making Ben shiver and curl even closer against him. They’re curled up in bed, satisfied and comfortable, the silence, suddenly broken by the closing of the bathroom door down the hall. Callum sighs, and squeezes his arm tighter across Ben’s chest, entangling their legs, Ben’s hair tickling him pleasantly.

He loves this, when they’re quiet together, after their passions have been sated and he’s free to relax and take in the warmth, scent and feel of Ben. His boyfriend running his fingers through his hair makes him moan in contentment and burrow further into Ben’s neck. He can feel the smile spread across Ben’s face, even if he can’t see it. 

“You’re like a cat, you are,” Ben murmurs, turning his head slightly to kiss his boyfriend’s forehead.

“You can call me what you want, as long as you keep doing that,” Callum replies sleepily.

“D’you remember to turn off the Christmas tree lights?” Ben questions him. 

“Hmm,” he replies in answer. 

“That a yes or a no?” Ben prods. “Don’t tell me I wore you out so much you’ve lost the power of speech!”

Callum huffs, “If anyone should’ve lost the power of speech, it should be you. Hope nobody heard ya,” Callum smiles against Ben’s chest; “you were pretty loud that time. Couldn’t seem to stop yourself.”

“What can I say? You’ve got a magic cock, Callum Highway.”

“You’re no slouch yourself.” Ben chuckles and kisses his forehead. Callum is quite content to drift off to sleep just like this, until his cocoon of happiness is once again interrupted by the bang of a door somewhere in the house. He shudders and blinks his eyes open, frowning. “Is someone always awake in this place?”

“Funny you should say that, cos I was thinking,” Ben starts quietly, “it’s like Piccadilly Circus here, and your place, well, it’s,” he stalls and Callum kisses his shoulder reassuringly.

“Filled with some mixed memories? For both of us?”

“Yeah,” Ben relaxes, starting to run his fingers through Callum’s hair again. “Yeah, so I was thinking. I’m doing pretty alright with the Arches, and you could do with someone helping out with the rent...”

He trails off and Callum pushes back, squinting up at Ben, a hopeful suspicion blossoming in his chest, but waiting for confirmation. “I really could,” he says eagerly. 

Ben seems to relax a bit more and smiles wide, at Callum. “Well, in that case, maybe, we should think about getting a place of our own. Y’know without any history or our families. Together. You and me. I mean, it makes financial sense, right?”

“You asking me to move in with ya?” Callum bites his lip but continues to stare at Ben; he needs to look at his boyfriend’s face now. 

“Yeah, I am,” Ben smirks and refuses to break eye contact. “What do ya say? Of course, we’ll need to get a place with room for Lexi, which means decorating another bedroom, probably more pink, but, you’re practically an expert on all its many shades now, so...”

Callum grins and kisses him on mouth. “Yeah, let’s do it.”

“Yeah?” Ben grins up at him.

“Yeah.”  
_____________________________________

“It ain’t right, Ben!”

“It’s nothing, Callum, just a busted lip.”

Callum runs a frustrated hand through his hair and marches to the bathroom, digging out the first aid box. He throws it onto the table and opens the lid with a bang.

“No need to be so dramatic, babe,” Ben attempts to sweet talk him, but Callum is having none of it.

“ _Don’t!_ I’m getting really fed up of this, Ben. Don’t know if I’m your boyfriend or you’re nurse half the time!”

Callum cleans Ben up, but without his normal care. He’s too upset and angry, so he only gives his boyfriend perfunctory touches and moves away from him quickly, not wanting to look at him.

“Why are you being like this? It ain’t like it’s the first time I’ve gotten in a fight, is it?” Ben asks, his own voice tight and barely restrained.

“Exactly, Ben! That’s the point! How many times do I have to patch you up, eh?”

“Oh, I see,” Ben laughs bitterly, “the bad boy excitement was alright in the beginning but now it’s getting a bit stale.”

“Oh, shut up! I don’t want you to turn into Ned Flanders! The cocky snark is half your appeal!”

“Then what’s the problem?”

"The _problem_ is that I keep waiting around for the day it _ain’t_ just a busted lip. When am I gonna have the old bill turn up at our flat to tell me you’ve finally pissed off the wrong bloke? That you’re lying in the morgue, and for what, eh? Bet it was another one of your Dad’s dodgy deals, right?”

Ben looks away, his jaw tightening. Callum huffs out a breath and shakes his head slowly. “You’re worth more than that, Ben. And I keep waiting for the day you realise the people who love you the way you _should_ be loved are worth more than the ones who don’t.”

Ben’s head snaps in his direction, his heart stopping at the heartbroken and defeated look on his boyfriend’s face. “Callum, I...” he drifts off finding himself unable to verbalise his own thoughts and feelings.

Callum looks devastated and exhausted. “I,I don’t know if I can stand here and watch you try so hard to make him proud, because you’re gonna get yourself killed, Ben. You told me once my old man ain’t worth it. And I’m telling you now, Ben.” He steps closer to Ben and holds his face in his hands. “Phil Mitchell ain’t worth it. He ain’t worth spilling your blood over, he ain’t worth risking Lexi losing her Dad, he ain’t worth Lola and Jay losing their best mate and he _ain’t_ worth me losing the man I love. I can’t control what you choose to do, but I can control what _I_ do.”

Callum bites his bottom lip and shakes his head, sadness and resignation etched deeply in his face. Ben swears the world has stopped spinning. He’s frozen to the spot and unable to move. Callum trails a hand down his arm and loosely tangles their fingers together. “I thought...but I don’t think... I don’t think we’ll _ever_ be enough for you, cos his love, his approval...it’s worth more to you than ours.” Callum’s eyes are filling and his breath hitches in his throat as he finally whispers. “And I don’t think I can just stand by and watch you die.”

He walks away and disappears into the bedroom, leaving Ben staring at the closed door. Every bone in his body seems to be shaking, his mind has slowed down and there is panic and fear clawing at his chest. He grabs the whiskey from the cupboard and pours himself a generous measure, wondering what exactly he’d done to make Callum feel that way.

Callum is sleeping fitfully when he feels the bed dip. Ben’s hand curls around his shoulder, and he plasters himself against his back as his warm breath tickles Callum’s ear.

“Callum, wake up,” he whispers, pressing kisses along his neck and jaw. 

“I ain’t in the mood, Ben,” he tells him, curling in on himself.

“Listen to me,” Ben insists, pulling on his shoulder to get him to turn around. “I want to talk to ya.”

Callum turns over and stares at him. “Well get talking then.”

“You’re right,” Ben says simply.

“What?”

“I _said_ you’re right,” Ben admits, “and I ain’t saying it again.” He attempts to lighten the mood but traces designs on Callum’s t-shirt distractedly. “My old man, I know he ain’t...well he’s always pulling me into the less legitimate areas of the business, and dealing with the less savoury characters. I keep thinking one day it’ll be enough, he’ll realise I’m worth loving, but that’s a mug’s game.”

“Ben,” Callum touches the side of his lover's face and pulls him down to kiss him gently. “Are you sure? I know it ain’t that simple.”

“Yes, I’m sure,” Ben kisses his nose, “I’m sorry I ever made you feel second best. I love you, Callum. You and Lexi, you’re the most important people in my life. The fact that you love me, that means the world to me. You have no idea. Every day I wonder what the hell I ever did to deserve you.”

Callum swallows and licks his lips. “You exist, Ben. That’s reason enough.” He cups Ben’s jaw, thumb brushing against smooth skin and roughened stubble. “So, no more bust ups?” he asks carefully.

“No more bust ups,” Ben repeats, “at least, none relating to my Dad. He can do his own dirty work from now on. It ain’t worth it. Not when it starts coming between me and my man.” He grins down at him. He kisses Callum, stealing the breath from his lungs and moaning gently. “Now, I think I deserve a reward for my new life decisions,” his eyebrows waggle and he grins down at Callum. “I think it’s your turn to be tied to the headboard and at my mercy, Mr Highway.”

Callum smiles at him “Go on then, see if you can have me begging for you.”

“Hardly a challenge,” Ben winks springing off the bed enthusiastically.  
_____________________________________

“No, not today, Jay,” Ben tells him, frowning when he spots Callum emerging from the bedroom. “Listen, I’ve got to go. Talk to you later.”

He puts the phone down and points an accusatory finger at his boyfriend. “You should be in bed. Come on,” he runs a hand down Callum’s arm who just groans and pushes him away weakly.

“I ain’t spending another day in bed, Ben. I’m bored.”

“Careful!” Ben looks around them dramatically. “You never know who could be listening and I got a reputation to uphold. Last thing I need is someone hearing my boyfriend claiming to be bored in bed!”

Callum chuckles briefly and clutches his chest with a furrowed brow. “Don’t make me laugh, it hurts!” he pouts. 

Ben sends him a fond smile and shakes his head. “Come here,” he holds his arms out and Callum gratefully sinks into them, sighing in contentment as he buries his face into the side of Ben’s neck. 

Ben kisses his shoulder and lets Callum relax for a minute. “How about we get you settled on the couch with the remote? I got in that chicken noodle soup you like and by the time you find your way around Netflix it’ll be ready.”

Callum hums, though it could be a groan. Ben pulls back and cradles Callum’s face. “Come on, babe. You heard what the doc said, stay warm, drink plenty of fluids, lots of rest and pain meds. Then you’ll be right as rain in a week or so.”

“I can’t take that much time off, Jay needs me.”

“Jay will be fine,” Ben tells him firmly. “I had a word. No need for you to worry, him and Big Nige have it sorted.”

“Really?”

Ben shrugs, “yeah, for the most part. Though, knowing Jay, there’ll probably be plenty of paperwork for you to sort out when you get back. Now, it’s time to sit your arse on that sofa and _rest._ I may not be Marco Pierre White, but I can rustle us up some soup and bread.” 

“I’m meant to be meeting Whit tomorrow.”

“Well you won’t be now.”

Callum groans and Ben settles him on the sofa, tucking a throw around him, making sure he’s comfortably set up with cushions and the remote. “She won’t want to risk getting sick when she’s got that new fella on the go, will she? She’d have your balls for earrings if she ended up sniffling all over his copper’s uniform.”

“He’s a lawyer, not a copper,” Callum smiles lazily up with him with glassy eyes, “I just think you got a secret thing for the old bill.”

Ben scoffs, “eh, no.” He pauses and a cocky smirk graces his face. “However, if you ever feel the need to play dress up and show me how you’d place me under arrest with a nice pair of handcuffs...” his lips purse before he leans down, brushing a kiss against Callum’s lips, “well I wouldn’t object.”

“Who’s says _I’d_ be the one dressed up?” Callum grins at him as Ben laughs. 

“Like I’d risk you getting a picture of me in that get up,” Ben runs a hand through his boyfriend’s hair fondly. “You figure out what we’re watching, I’ll get that soup on. Won’t be long.” He kisses Callum’s forehead and Callum sends him a tired, warm smile. 

“I don’t deserve you,” Callum tells him.

“Well, whether you do or not, you got me.” Ben grins at him, giving him a wink as he disappears into the small kitchen. Despite his boyfriend being sick, he feels a sense of satisfaction in being able to take care of him. Life is good.


	37. Chapter 37

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final chapter! Hope you all enjoy and that we get something similar sometime in the show!!!

Callum’s nervous, has been all week, and it’s putting Ben on edge. He doesn’t know what’s going on. It feels like he's spent hours wracking his brain trying to think of something he might’ve done, but he genuinely can’t think of anything. If anything, things have been going great lately.

It’s been over two years since they ‘officially’ got together and things have been wonderful. Their flat is filled with everything they love, every room painted in colours they debated about for days and weeks on end. Lexi adores Callum; the odd time Ben has been concerned she seems fonder of Callum than her own Dad. 

They’ve had their bumps on the road too though. Callum dealing with his anxiety and some things that happened during the army that came back to him and shook him in ways that terrified Ben. He'd hated feeling that helpless and useless while Callum suffered. Since then, Callum started opening up to Ben about what it was really like in the army. It's been a slow process but Callum seeing a counsellor has really helped. Although, the truth is, PTSD takes more than a few sessions to deal with. 

Ben himself had been involved in a few dodgy deals with an old mate, Tubbs, that resulted in rows with Callum, his Mum, Lola, pretty much everyone he knows, and that in turn had lead to an overreliance on alcohol that had truly scared him. He'd nearly lost everything that mattered most to him in his life. He sometimes still wakes up in the middle of the night convinced he's lost everyone important to him and is alone, unwanted and unloved. Of course Callum is always beside him to remind him how not alone he truly is.

Yeah, they’ve had their ups and downs but the ups are a hell of lot more memorable and worth the price of the downs. 

Callum’s shifty attitude the past few days is something he’s not used to and it ties his stomach in knots. Whatever else, Callum has always been open about things that are bothering him. The fact that he won’t discuss it is definitely concerning.

“Dad,” Lexi pulls on his sleeve, “come on, we have to go, we’ll miss the tube.”

“Why’re you so eager to get back?” Ben’s eyes narrow suspiciously at his daughter as she looks wide eyed and innocently up at him. “You been at me for _weeks_ to bring you out west for new clothes.”

“Well....I wanna show ‘em off to Mum before she heads out to dinner with Jay, don’t I?”

“Hmm,” Ben is still suspicious but ruffles her hair as they walk towards the station. She’s getting taller and starting to lose some of that baby fat around her face. She’s so pretty, but sometimes Ben’s heart aches for the days when he could easily sweep her up and swing her around to excited, high pitched squeals.

“Dad!” Lexi complains, walking quickly ahead of him, “I can hear the train coming!”

“Alright, alright. Ain’t like there’s another coming in another few minutes, is it?”

Lexi glares at him and he rolls his eyes, guiding her by the hand until they board the train.

“Happy?” he asks her, feeling suspicious again when she looks relieved more than anything else as she looks down at her watch.

“Yeah,” she smiles at him, “definitely happy.”

The sun has set by the time they make it back to the square and Ben pulls his coat tighter around himself as they emerge to the cold outside. He saunters towards the undertakers where Lola and Jay are living, but stops in Bridge Street.

“What you doing?” Lexi’s forehead furrows as she looks up at him.

“Bit nippy out. Fancy a hot chocolate and an iced bun before I take you back to your Mum’s?”

Lexi’s eyes widen, “No!” she says sharply.

Ben huffs a laugh, “you what? When have you ever turned down food?”

She glares at him, “I told you I wanted to see Mum before she goes out with Jay. Gran is coming over to stay with me; she’ll probably bring buns over to me anyway.”

“Okay then,” Ben continues walking, “suppose that’ll save me a bob or two, won’t it?”

Lexi seems eager for Ben to leave Jay and Lola’s, practically pushing him out the door of the flat, but telling him quite insistently that he has to call her later. He takes the short walk to his flat with Callum a few streets away from the square and feels that uncertainty again. He’s been trying to give Callum space but, honestly, considering his boyfriend had barely looked at him at breakfast, he’s considering locking him in their bedroom until he spits out whatever is bothering him.

When he opens the door he stops in surprise. The flat is in darkness, lit only by warm white fairy lights arranged along the walls and shelves, and their small dining table is illuminated by candles burning brightly in a candelabra he didn’t know they had. 

“You’re home,” Callum appears from their bedroom, finishing fastening a button on his shirt cuff. He looks perfect, those tight black trousers, dark blue shirt, with the top buttons undone and his hair gelled and styled perfectly. The dim lights paint his face in light and shade and his eyes glisten and dance brightly.

“Uh, yeah,” Ben clears his throat and closes the door, hanging up his coat and scarf. “This place looks nice. Didn’t forget an anniversary did I?” he smirks at Callum, but internally is quickly running through any possible anniversaries or birthdays he might have somehow missed.

“No,” Callum chuckles, coming over and kissing his boyfriend, running his hands through his hair, and giving it a sharp pull.

Ben groans and pulls back, “Don’t start something you ain’t gonna finish,” he warns him.

Callum smirks, kissing him on the tip of his nose before he moves away pulling him behind him. “Made your favourite; steak and chips. And homemade apple crumble for desert, with custard of course. Made from scratch.”

Ben looks impressed, “what did I do to deserve all this then? Wait you ain’t buttering me up for something are ya?” He halts, his eyes widening and tugs on Callum’s hand, making him turn towards him. “ _Please_ tell me you ain’t gonna join back up.”

“No,” Callum laughs, “my army days are far behind me.”

“Good,” Ben says with a relieved sigh, “you know that’s one of my worst nightmares. That and Lexi finding out the pin number for my bank card.”

“This is all good, I promise,” Callum brushes away a stray strand of hair from across Ben’s forehead, “at least I hope it is.” He bites his lip and Ben holds onto his wrist. 

“What are you on about?”

Callum runs a hand through his hair and looks away. “I was meant to do this later, but honestly I don’t think I can wait that long. I’ve been a nervous wreck the past few days.”

“So I’ve noticed,” Ben tells him, concern written all over his face.

“Yeah?” Callum looks guiltily at him.

“Yeah, babe,” Ben rubs his forearm reassuringly; “subterfuge ain’t exactly one of your strong points.”

“No, suppose not,” Callum huffs, and pulls Ben towards the centre of the room. He’s entranced by how the light and shadows play across his boyfriend’s features for a moment and he blinks to bring himself back to the present.

“You going to spit it out then?” he prompts Callum.

“I had this all planned proper,” Callum complains, “but I can’t remember half of what I wanted to say and I wanted it to be perfect.”

“Hey,” Ben touches Callum’s face and makes him focus on him before he works himself up even more. “Everything _is_ perfect. You’ve cooked my favourite meal, you’ve made our flat into some sort of rom-com movie set and I’m with the man I love. Seems pretty perfect to me.”

“Yeah?” Callum looks at him hopefully.

“ _Yes!_ So, relax and let’s enjoy ourselves.”

“Will you marry me?” Callum blurts out.

Ben stares at him, stunned. “What?” he asks.

Callum flushes, “I wanted to ask you properly, but I forgot it all because you’re standing there in candlelight looking...so _you,_ I just forgot what I was going to say. You’re beautiful, Ben.”

Ben smiles brightly, feeling breathless as he looks at this man standing in front of him. “I tend to have that affect on people.”

Callum returns his smile, but eventually it falls from his face and he grips Ben’s hands tightly between his own. “I love you, Ben. So much, I can’t...I can’t even begin to tell you how much. And I know we got this flat, and Lexi and marriage is just a piece of paper. Not like it’s really gonna change anything, is it?” He’s rambling nervously, and Ben can feel how warm his hands are, and how clammy they're getting, but he won’t stop him, not when he’s this sincere and adorable. He's not willing to do anything that could ruin this moment. “The thing is though, I love being your boyfriend, the best decision I ever made in my life was choosing to be with you, but I want more Ben.”

“More?” Ben echoes hoarsely.

Callum nods. “Yeah, I want to be able to tell people, ‘That’s Ben Mitchell, my husband.’ Nothing would make me happier or prouder than if you’d agree to be my husband.”

Ben can feel his eyes sting and he blinks hard, brushing away a stray tear from his eye. When he looks down, Callum has a small black box open, and a dark silver band stares back up at him, twinkling in the soft lighting. He holds his breath, before letting it rattle out of him. He cups Callum’s hands around the box and nods his head.

“Yeah,” he whispers, voice shaky. 

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, _‘course_ I’ll marry you,” Ben laughs breathlessly. “There’s nothing I want more than to be married to ya.”

Callum kisses him happily and quickly takes out the ring, placing it on Ben’s finger. “A perfect fit,” he murmurs.

Ben grins, “yeah, it is. But where’s yours eh? Can’t have any Tom, Dick or Harry thinking you’re free for the taking.”

Callum colours and scratches at the back of his neck. “I, uh, I was kind of hoping you’d pick one out for me.”

Ben grins at him, “Oh yeah?”

Callum nods, tongue peaking out between his lips, “yeah, I-I want to wear _your_ ring.”

Ben takes a fistful of his shirt and pulls him down into a passionate kiss. “First thing tomorrow,” he tells him breathlessly when they pull apart, “ _first_ thing, we’re getting you a ring, right?”

“Yeah,” Callum cradles his face, his thumb brushing Ben’s cheek.

“Good, now I believe you promised me steak and chips.”

“Come on then,” Callum laughs, keeping a hold of Ben’s hand as he leads him back to the table. “But you’re gonna have to ring Lexi later, she’s practically been bouncing around here with excitement the last few days.”

“At least now I know what was up with her. Knew that girl would never turn down free food without a good reason.”

“And was this a good reason?” Callum asks, leaning down to brush his lips against his boyfriend’s. No, not his boyfriend, his _fiancée._

“Absolutely,” Ben growls, curling his hand around Callum’s neck and pulling him down for a proper kiss. “On second thoughts, maybe the steak can wait for a bit, yeah?”

Callum grins, “Yeah, I think it can wait for a while.”

Ben grins, quickly standing up. “Race ya to the bedroom?” he dodges around Callum and is already unbuttoning his shirt. “Last one to the bed naked has to change the sheets in the morning!”

“Oi,” Callum shouts, grinning madly. He's going to marry Ben Mitchell and he feels happier than he’s ever felt before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has supported me and this story. It's been a bit of a journey and a long time in the making. When I began writing this, I thought it might be about 10 chapters. I never imagined that 37 chapters and over 60,000 words later, I'd finally be ready to say goodbye to it. 
> 
> I've enjoyed writing this story so much and that is in no small part due to all your kind words and encouragement. I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas and healthy and happy 2020. 
> 
> Here's hoping the boys will find their way back to each other next year too, they deserve each other :)


End file.
